机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with brief reasons. Avoid repetition and redundant words (e.g., “then I got bored and then I turned to or shifted to another a new activity” is repetitive). Use linking words (e.g., “for example,” “after that”) to make the sequence clear.

範例: Yes. My mother often enrolled me in new activities to help me explore different interests. For example, I took painting and drawing classes and learned cycling, and once I tried karate for two weeks but found it wasn’t for me, so I switched to a music class instead.

建議: Complete your thought and give a specific reason or brief example. Use linking words (because, so, for example) and avoid vague phrases like “new stuff.” Keep the answer to 2–3 sentences and finish the sentence logically.

範例: Yes, I believe people should try new things because it helps them discover strengths and interests. For example, trying different hobbies can lead someone to a career path or a long-term passion.

× Yes, my mother used to enroll me in new activities like painting, drawing, cycling and once she enrolled me in karate, which I learned for two weeks and then I got bored and then I turned to or shifted to another a new activity.

✓ Yes, my mother used to enroll me in new activities like painting, drawing, and cycling. Once she enrolled me in karate, which I learned for two weeks, but then I got bored and shifted to another activity.

The original sentence contains awkward and redundant pronoun-related and phrasing issues that affect clarity. 'Which I learned for two weeks' is a nonrestrictive clause that should be separated with commas; 'then I turned to or shifted to another a new activity' contains redundant choices and an extra article ('a new'). The corrected version removes redundancy, fixes article use, and clarifies the sequence of events using commas and conjunctions. Suggestion: choose one verb (shifted) rather than listing alternatives, use commas to set off nonrestrictive clauses, and avoid duplicate articles ('a new').

× Yes, I believe everyone should try new things, keep learning, keep exploring because it allows you to learn new stuff and you can

✓ Yes, I believe everyone should try new things, keep learning, and keep exploring because it allows you to learn new things.

The original sentence ends abruptly and uses inconsistent nouns ('new stuff' is informal). The list of gerunds needs parallel structure with commas and the conjunction 'and'. Also the pronoun reference 'it' is vague; making 'it allows you to learn new things' is clearer. Suggestion: complete the sentence, maintain parallel gerund forms (try, keep learning, keep exploring), and use appropriate vocabulary ('new things' instead of 'new stuff').