机会— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and coherent: begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (use past tense consistently) and avoid repetition (e.g., "interactive game" repeated).

範例: Yes. When I was a child I helped develop a small game called Cyber Fury, which was an interactive shooting game. This project taught me basic coding and teamwork because I had to design levels and test features with classmates.

建議: Give a direct opinion then support it with a clear, specific reason and an example. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) and avoid filler words and repetition. Fix sentence structure (e.g., "people who play guitar often practise alone, so they should join group activities to build teamwork").

範例: Yes, I believe people should try many activities because it broadens their skills and perspective. For example, a guitarist who usually practises alone could join a band to improve teamwork and leadership, and as a result become a more confident performer.

× Of course, I have contributed a project called Cyber Fury when I was a child, so it was a very interactive game and interactive shooting game and it also developed my coding skills as well. I'm.

✓ Of course. I worked on a project called Cyber Fury when I was a child; it was a very interactive shooting game and it helped me develop my coding skills.

Grammar problem type IDs: 5 (Past tense issue) and 26 (Sentence structure errors). The original mixes present perfect ('have contributed') with a past time expression ('when I was a child'), which is incorrect: use simple past 'worked on' or 'contributed to' with a definite past time. The sentence is also repetitive ('interactive game and interactive shooting game' and 'developed my coding skills as well' plus stray 'I'm') and poorly punctuated. Suggest using simple past tense for actions completed in childhood, remove redundant phrases, combine clauses with a semicolon or conjunction, and delete the stray 'I'm'.

× For example, if you are playing guitar, so you are working only alone.

✓ For example, if you play the guitar, you are working alone.

Grammar problem type IDs: 6 (Present tense issue) and 11 (Incorrect use of prepositions/conjunctions) and 26 (Sentence structure errors). The conditional uses mixed forms: 'if you are playing guitar, so you are...' The correct form omits the unnecessary 'so' and uses the simple present 'play' for general facts. Also include the article 'the' before 'guitar'. Suggest using 'If you play the guitar, you work alone' or similar concise phrasing for general truths.

× So those guys need to play some games and uh, improve their team, team game skills and leadership skills as well.

✓ Those people need to play some games to improve their team-game skills and leadership skills as well.

Grammar problem type IDs: 12 (Incorrect use of pronouns) and 1 (Singular and plural issue) and 26 (Sentence structure errors). 'Those guys' is informal; 'those people' is more appropriate in this context. The repeated 'team, team game' is redundant and should be hyphenated as 'team-game skills' or phrased 'teamwork and leadership skills'. Suggest avoiding repetition, using consistent plural forms ('skills') and clearer vocabulary ('teamwork' or 'team-game skills').

× Those kind of.

✓ Those kinds of activities are important.

Grammar problem type ID: 23 (Sentence without a verb). 'Those kind of.' is a fragment lacking a verb and has a number agreement issue ('kind' with plural 'those' should be 'kinds' or use 'that kind'). Also 'of' should be followed by a noun. Suggest completing the sentence with a noun and verb: 'Those kinds of activities are important.'