疲惫— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce repetition and make a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons. Keep it concise (max 4–5 sentences) and use linking words like "because" or "for example." Also correct phrases like "four year" and "coursework" for clarity.

範例: Yes, I often feel tired, especially recently. This is because I am in my fourth year of college and I have heavy coursework and several projects. Also, living away from my home province adds extra stress and responsibilities, which makes me more fatigued.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence and organize supporting details with linking words such as "because" and "for example." Be specific about durations and symptoms and correct grammar (e.g., "homework" singular/uncountable, "workloads," "my eyes").

範例: I usually feel tired after long periods of studying, especially when I spend more than two hours in front of a laptop. Because I study computer science, most of my work is on screens, so prolonged screen time makes my eyes sore and my body stiff.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and then list 2–3 specific strategies using linking words like "first," "then," or "if that doesn't work." Use present tense consistently and improve word choice (e.g., "rest," "take deep breaths," "avoid screens").

範例: When I feel tired, I usually stop working and rest for a short while. First, I take a few deep breaths and do some light stretches; if that doesn't help, I avoid screens and go for a short walk outside to refresh my mind.

建議: Answer directly, then explain briefly with a clear reason. Avoid awkward phrases like "my battery my social battery" and correct grammar and word choice ("recharge" instead of "revitalize," "dormitory" or "dorm"). Keep it to two or three sentences.

範例: No, I usually don't go out when I'm tired because my social energy is low. If I go out, I become more exhausted, so I prefer to stay in my dorm and rest to recharge.

× Yes, I feel I feel tired most of the time especially today or this recent this recent times because I have been studying at four tier and four tier in college has been really hard for me.

✓ Yes, I feel tired most of the time, especially recently, because I have been studying in fourth year and fourth year in college has been really hard for me.

Repetition and unclear phrasing created a sentence structure problem. Remove the duplicated 'I feel' and 'this recent this recent', replace 'at four tier' with 'in fourth year' for correct idiom, and add punctuation to separate clauses. Ensure subject references are consistent ('fourth year in college').

× I'm doing CCs, some projects and also trying to live my life here outside of my home province.

✓ I'm doing CCs and some projects, and I'm also trying to live my life here outside of my home province.

Parallel structure requires consistent verb forms for coordinated actions. Add 'I'm' before 'also trying' to maintain parallel present continuous tense and add a comma for clarity.

× I feel tired when I do all my homeworks or my workloads and my laptop because I'm a computer science student and most of my works has been done in my laptop.

✓ I feel tired when I do all my homework or my workload on my laptop because I'm a computer science student and most of my work is done on my laptop.

Use uncountable 'homework' and 'work' rather than plural 'homeworks'/'works'. Use 'workload' (uncountable or singular) and correct preposition 'on my laptop'. Also correct verb agreement: 'most of my work is done'. These are quantifier and agreement issues.

× So when I am having a more than a couple of hours of screen time, of course, that would make my eye tired and also my body.

✓ So when I have more than a couple of hours of screen time, of course that makes my eyes and my body tired.

'Having a more than a couple of hours' is awkward; use 'have more than a couple of hours'. Subject-verb agreement: use 'makes' not 'would make' to match present habitual context. 'Eye' should be plural 'eyes'.

× This is a great question. When I was when I am tired, I stopped for a while.

✓ This is a great question. When I am tired, I stop for a while.

Tense inconsistency: mix of past 'was'/'stopped' and present 'am'. Maintain present tense for habitual actions: 'When I am tired, I stop for a while.'

× I tried to inhale and exhale for a couple of times and also if that doesn't work, I try to avoid my eyes from any screens, any blue lights.

✓ I try to inhale and exhale a couple of times, and if that doesn't work, I try to avoid screens and blue light to rest my eyes.

Maintain present tense for habitual response. 'For a couple of times' is awkward; use 'a couple of times'. 'Avoid my eyes from any screens' is incorrect; avoid screens or avoid exposing my eyes to screens/blue light. Use parallel verb forms and clearer phrasing.

× I tried to walk outside and yeah.

✓ I try to walk outside and relax.

Maintain present habitual tense: 'I try' instead of 'I tried'. 'And yeah' is informal and vague; replace with 'and relax' for clarity.

× No, I don't go out with my friends when I was when I'm tired my battery my social battery turns lower.

✓ No, I don't go out with my friends when I'm tired; my social battery runs low.

Remove past 'was' and keep present 'I'm'. 'Turns lower' is unnatural; use 'runs low'. Combine into one clear sentence with proper punctuation.

× So if I'm with my friends of course I will be more tired than having to revitalize, so I'd rather stay put on my dormitory than go out with them.

✓ So if I'm with my friends, I will be more tired than refreshed, so I'd rather stay in my dormitory than go out with them.

Awkward comparison 'more tired than having to revitalize' — replace with 'more tired than refreshed'. Use correct preposition 'in my dormitory' not 'on'. Improve punctuation and word order for clarity.