疲惫— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrasing (e.g., “whole night”, “very heavy for in the morning”). Use correct tense and natural collocations like “stay up all night” and “feel tired in the morning.”

範例: I don't usually feel tired, but sometimes I do when I stay up all night because of heavy coursework. For example, after an all-night study session I struggle to wake up and feel tired throughout the morning, which affects my concentration.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence and then list specific causes with linking words. Replace vague phrases with natural expressions: say “when I don’t get enough sleep,” “when I have a heavy workload,” or “after long screen time.” Reduce fillers like “uh” and avoid repetition. Provide one brief example to make it specific.

範例: I feel tired when I don't get enough sleep, especially if I have a heavy workload or spend hours on my phone. For instance, after working late and scrolling my phone until 2 a.m., I’m exhausted the next day and find it hard to focus.

建議: Structure your answer: begin with a topic sentence describing your routine, then add a short sequence of actions using linking words (first, then, after that). Use precise verbs and natural collocations (e.g., “make a cup of coffee,” “take a short nap,” “take a shower”). Limit to 2–4 short sentences.

範例: When I feel tired, I usually make a cup of coffee and relax for a while. Then I might take a short nap or a warm shower to refresh myself, and after that I try to get a full night’s sleep to recover.

× I use the phone whole night and it's very heavy for in the morning to wake up and do everything.

✓ I use my phone all night and it's very hard in the morning to wake up and do everything.

Original uses 'whole night' (acceptable but unnatural) and 'heavy for in the morning' which is incorrect word choice and word order. 'All night' is the natural expression and 'hard in the morning to wake up' correctly expresses difficulty. Suggestion: say 'I use my phone all night' and 'it's very hard in the morning to wake up.'

× So yes, at the morning I feel lots of time all the day, all day.

✓ So yes, in the morning I feel tired a lot throughout the day.

Use 'in the morning' not 'at the morning.' 'Lots of time all the day' is ungrammatical and unclear; replace with 'tired a lot throughout the day.' Also add 'tired' to complete meaning. Suggestion: use 'in the morning' and 'throughout the day.'

× I have to feel tired.

✓ I tend to feel tired.

'I have to feel tired' is incorrect because 'have to' expresses obligation. The intended meaning is habitual tendency, so 'tend to feel tired' or 'usually feel tired' is appropriate. Suggestion: use 'tend to' or 'usually.'

× I feel tired when my sleep is not completed, uh, when I have lots of work and due to which I could not sleep at night or when I use my phone lots of time when I when my screen screen time goes high.

✓ I feel tired when my sleep is incomplete, when I have a lot of work and cannot sleep at night, or when I use my phone a lot and my screen time is high.

Mixed tense and awkward phrases: 'sleep is not completed' is unnatural — use 'sleep is incomplete' or 'I don't get enough sleep.' 'Due to which I could not' mixes clauses and tenses; use 'and cannot sleep.' 'Use my phone lots of time' should be 'use my phone a lot' and 'screen screen time goes high' is repetitive; use 'my screen time is high.' Suggestion: simplify clauses and keep present simple for habitual situations.

× Yeah, when I feel tired I just make a coffee and have a drink.

✓ Yeah, when I feel tired I just make a cup of coffee and drink it.

'Make a coffee' is understandable but more natural is 'make a cup of coffee.' 'Have a drink' is vague; if referring to the coffee, say 'drink it.' Suggestion: use 'make a cup of coffee and drink it.'

× Yes, I have a chill a bit and have a good sleep.

✓ I relax a bit and get some good sleep.

'Have a chill a bit' is informal and ungrammatical. Use 'relax a bit' or 'chill out' informally. 'Have a good sleep' is acceptable but 'get some good sleep' is more idiomatic. Suggestion: use 'relax a bit and get some sleep.'

× Also take a bath.

✓ I also take a bath.

Sentence fragment missing subject and proper tense. Adding 'I' makes it a complete sentence and matches present simple used elsewhere. Suggestion: include subject 'I' for clarity and grammatical completeness.