疲惫— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific example with brief details. Avoid filler words and repetition. Use correct verb tenses and clearer time expressions. Keep it to 2–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, I often feel tired because I sometimes work long hours. For example, a few weeks ago I worked two jobs on the same day and spent over 18 hours working, including commuting time between shifts, so I felt completely exhausted.

建議: Clarify meaning and avoid unclear numbers: give one clear situation and link cause and effect with linking words. Correct awkward phrases (e.g., 'walk from a long shift' -> 'finish a long shift') and avoid impossible durations like '80 hours'.

範例: I usually feel tired after finishing long shifts. For instance, if I teach for three hours in the morning and then have to prepare lesson notes beforehand and go straight to another shift in a cold workplace, I become very tired because there is little time to rest between tasks.

建議: Organize into a clear two-part answer: state typical action (rest) then alternative (push through) with concise details. Reduce repetition and improve grammar (e.g., 'take a bath' not 'take bath'). Explain effect briefly and coherently.

範例: If I have time I usually go home, take a shower and sleep because rest helps me regain energy. However, if I still have work to do, I force myself to stay awake and continue the shift, often drinking water or coffee to stay alert until I can rest.

× Yes, I often feel tired and this is because sometimes I work a lot.

✓ Yes, I often feel tired because sometimes I work a lot.

Unnecessary use of 'this is' creates awkwardness and interrupts the present simple statement. Use 'because' directly after the clause to explain the reason. Keep present simple ('work') to match 'often'. Suggestion: say 'I often feel tired because...'.

× Let's say, for example, a few weeks ago I was doing 2 jobs in one day and that was uh, Monday and Wednesday.

✓ For example, a few weeks ago I did two jobs in one day, on Monday and Wednesday.

Use simple past 'did' instead of past continuous 'was doing' for completed actions. Use words for numbers ('two'). Replace 'and that was' with 'on' to specify days. Keep sentence concise and past tense for a specific time reference.

× So I was doing more than 18 hours, you know?

✓ So I was working more than 18 hours, you know?

Use the verb 'working' rather than 'doing' with hours of work. 'More than 18 hours' is acceptable; using 'working' clarifies the action. Maintains past continuous to describe duration.

× So let's say you have 8 hours shifts, but I think again, you're going to have like more.

✓ For example, if you have 8-hour shifts, you will often have more than that.

Original mixes second person hypothetical with unclear 'again' and 'like'. Use a conditional 'if' structure and correct noun form '8-hour shifts'. Use future simple 'will' or present simple 'often have' to express typical outcome. Avoid filler words 'like' and 'again'.

× In one hour commuting, uh, time to move from 1:00 work to another.

✓ It takes an hour commuting to move from one workplace to another.

Preposition and phrase order were incorrect. Use 'takes an hour' to state duration, 'commuting' as noun, and 'from one workplace to another' for correct prepositional phrase. '1:00 work' is unclear; use 'one workplace'.

× So I was, I was really, really exhausted.

✓ So I was really, really exhausted.

Repetition of 'I was' is redundant. Remove the extra pronoun phrase to make the sentence fluent. Emotional emphasis can remain through repetition of 'really'.

× I feel tired mostly when I walk from from a long shift.

✓ I feel tired mostly after working a long shift.

'Walk from from' is incorrect and repeated. Use 'after' plus gerund 'working' to indicate the time when tiredness occurs. 'Long shift' is fine; avoid literal 'walk from'.

× Let's say sometimes like in the morning, I go to teach three hours.

✓ Sometimes in the morning, I teach for three hours.

Use 'teach for three hours' instead of 'go to teach three hours'. 'For' indicates duration; move 'sometimes' to natural position. Avoid filler 'let's say' in reported routine.

× And of course before that you have, I have to prepare myself to read the notes and to prepare for some questions.

✓ And of course before that I have to prepare by reading the notes and preparing some questions.

Mixing 'you have, I have' is inconsistent pronoun usage. Keep subject 'I'. Use gerunds 'reading' and 'preparing' after 'prepare by' for clearer parallel structure.

× And after that I always move from that shift, take a short break and then go into another shift for 80 hours in a cold environment.

✓ After that I always finish that shift, take a short break, and then start another shift of about 8 hours in a cold environment.

'Move from that shift' is unnatural—use 'finish'. '80 hours' is likely a typo for '8 hours'; correct quantifier and add 'about' if approximate. Use parallel verbs and proper article placement.

× So. Is we're always tired when I walk for long shift, which is more, uh, tiresome?

✓ So we are always tired when we work long shifts, which are more tiring.

Original has wrong word order and mixed pronouns. Use consistent subject 'we' or 'I' (here 'we' used). Replace 'walk for long shift' with 'work long shifts'. Use adjective 'tiring' instead of 'tiresome' or adjust to 'more tiring' for comparison.

× Honestly depends because let's say I always go home and sleep if I have time to do that.

✓ Honestly, it depends because I usually go home and sleep if I have time.

Missing subject 'it' for 'depends'. 'Let's say' is unnecessary. Use 'usually' instead of 'always' to describe typical action; streamline sentence structure.

× But sometimes when you're tired and you still need to work, of course you need to get up yourself, head up and continue to do your shift.

✓ But sometimes when I'm tired and I still need to work, I have to pull myself together and continue my shift.

Pronoun inconsistency: speaker should use 'I' not 'you'. 'Get up yourself, head up' is unidiomatic; use 'pull myself together'. 'Continue my shift' is clearer and concise.

× So let's say if I take option one when I have free time, let's say go home and maybe take bath, wash my my, my body and then go to.

✓ So if I choose option one when I have free time, I go home, maybe take a bath, wash myself, and then go to bed.

Sentence fractured and repetitive. Use 'choose' for decision, 'take a bath' with article, 'wash myself' for reflexive action, and complete the final clause 'go to bed'. Remove filler repetitions.

× Bed and and and asleep.

✓ Go to bed and fall asleep.

Original lacks proper verb structure. Use 'fall asleep' to express the action. Remove repeated conjunctions and filler.

× I feel sleeping is something which make me get more energy so something funny.

✓ I feel sleeping helps me regain energy, which is strange.

Grammar and word choice issues: 'feel sleeping is something which make me get more energy' is ungrammatical. Use 'sleeping helps me regain energy' with subject-verb agreement and noun 'sleeping' as gerund. 'Something funny' is informal; 'strange' is clearer.

× If I sleep a lot I get more tired so I don't know what to do anyway.

✓ If I sleep a lot, I get more tired, so I don't know what to do.

Missing comma after conditional clause. Sentence is otherwise acceptable in present simple. Remove trailing 'anyway' for conciseness or keep if intended informal tone.