公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid redundant phrases like “very often” and “a lot.” Use linking words for clarity.

範例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed the swings and the colorful flowerbeds, which made me feel excited and curious about nature.

建議: Start with a direct short answer, then give one clear reason with specific detail. Correct grammar (e.g., “a bit exhausted,” “my thoughts are messy”) and use a linking word such as “however” or “because.”

範例: Yes, I still do. However, as a student I don’t have much free time, so I only go when I feel stressed because being among trees and birds helps me relax and think more clearly.

建議: Give a direct answer, avoid repeating earlier points, and add a specific suggestion or reason (e.g., for exercise or family outings). Keep sentences shorter and use linking words like “because” or “so.”

範例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide space for exercise and family outings, and I enjoy the peaceful atmosphere they offer.

建議: Provide a specific example of what makes a park ‘extraordinary’ (e.g., botanical gardens, lakeside parks, themed playgrounds) and explain why you want to visit. This adds concrete detail and interest.

範例: Yes — I hope to visit a large botanical garden or a lakeside park in the future because I’m interested in seeing rare plants and enjoying scenic walking trails.

× When I was young I visited parks very often because the swings over there as well as the nature, the flowers, everything fascinated me a lot.

✓ When I was young, I visited parks very often because the swings there, as well as the nature and the flowers, fascinated me a lot.

The phrase 'over there' is informal and unnecessary; use 'there' or omit. 'As well as' should be followed by parallel nouns separated by commas. Added comma after introductory clause. These changes improve clarity and natural preposition usage.

× As I am a student, I do not get sufficient time to visit parks very often.

✓ As I am a student, I do not have sufficient time to visit parks very often.

The verb phrase 'do not get sufficient time' is grammatical but unnatural; 'do not have sufficient time' is the correct collocation in present tense to express lack of time. This aligns verb choice with present-tense meaning.

× But yes, whenever I feel a bit of exhausted and my thoughts are messed up, I do visit parks because it provides me a lot of clarification seeing the nature around me.

✓ But yes, whenever I feel a bit exhausted and my thoughts are messed up, I visit parks because being in nature provides me with a lot of clarity.

Use the adjective 'exhausted' without 'a bit of'. 'It provides me a lot of clarification' is awkward; 'provides me with a lot of clarity' or 'clarifies my thoughts' is natural. 'Seeing the nature' is unidiomatic; use 'being in nature'. Removed unnecessary auxiliary 'do' for simple present.

× Surely I would like to explore more parks in my city because as I mentioned that I'm very fond of nature as well as the atmosphere around me, so I would relish visiting parks around me.

✓ Surely I would like to explore more parks in my city because, as I mentioned, I'm very fond of nature and the atmosphere around me, so I would relish visiting parks nearby.

Removed redundant 'that' after 'mentioned' and changed 'as well as' to 'and' for smoother coordination. 'Parks around me' is awkward; 'parks nearby' is more natural. Added commas to set off the parenthetical phrase.

× I would like to visit parks which are quite extraordinary and that stand apart from the regular parks.

✓ I would like to visit parks that are quite extraordinary and stand apart from regular parks.

Use 'that' (or 'which' in non-restrictive clauses) consistently; omit the extra 'that' before 'stand' and use the base verb 'stand' rather than a redundant construction. This makes the sentence more concise and grammatically correct.