公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be clear and direct. Start with a concise topic sentence that answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitations and irrelevant words (e.g., “salaries”). Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “and”) to make the answer coherent. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

範例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. I often went with my parents, friends, and cousins, and we used to have picnics and play games there. Those outings are a fond memory because they brought us close together and let me enjoy nature.

建議: Answer directly, then give a clear reason and an example. Use smoother phrasing and remove filler sounds. Use a linking phrase such as “because” or “so” to connect reason and example. Keep sentences short and natural.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and clear my mind. For example, I often go to a nearby park after work with colleagues to chat and unwind.

建議: Respond directly to whether you would like more parks, then give a clear reason and a brief contrast if needed. Reduce repetition and hesitations. Use linking words like “however” or “but” when contrasting. Be specific about what you would like (e.g., more green space, facilities).

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because more green spaces would improve air quality and give people places to relax. However, I still prefer the small park in my neighborhood because it reminds me of my childhood.

建議: Answer clearly with the park name or location and give a specific reason why you want to visit. Mention a concrete plan or timing if possible. Avoid vague phrasing and fillers. Use one or two supporting details only.

範例: Yes, I would like to visit a park near Frankfurt in Germany that a friend told me about. I plan to visit it when I go to Germany for my studies because I want to see the local landscape and spend time with my friend there.

× And my salaries, I quite, uh, often went to parks along with my parents, uh, also with my friends or my cousins, which was very beautiful memories.

✓ When I was a child, I often went to parks with my parents, friends, or cousins; those were very beautiful memories.

The original sentence has incorrect pronoun phrase 'And my salaries' (nonsense here) and uses 'which' incorrectly to refer to plural 'memories'. The tense and subject also need reordering. Use 'When I was a child' to set time, 'went to parks with' is correct, and 'those were very beautiful memories' correctly refers to plural memories. Remove filler words and replace 'which' with 'those'. Suggested improvement: Plan the sentence before speaking, use clear subject and time phrase, and avoid unrelated words like 'salaries'.

× I always love to be with them as that was very beautiful.

✓ I always loved being with them because those times were very beautiful.

The sentence mixes present 'always love' with past 'was'. For childhood memories use past tense: 'loved'. Use gerund 'being with them' after 'loved'. Replace vague 'that' with 'those times' to refer to past experiences. Use 'because' to show reason. Suggested improvement: Keep verb tense consistent and use gerunds after verbs of liking when referring to general activities.

× Yes, parks, our other places are like that are will always give us a wonderful moment, uh, including a Peace of Mind or tranquility, which is always needed for me as an adult and I always love to be there along with my colleagues or friends.

✓ Yes, parks and similar places always give us wonderful moments, including peace of mind and tranquility, which I need as an adult; I always enjoy going there with colleagues or friends.

Original has word order and auxiliary errors: 'are like that are will' is ungrammatical. 'A Peace of Mind' should be 'peace of mind' (no article, not capitalized). Use plural 'moments' to match 'places'. Maintain consistent verb tense 'always give' and 'I enjoy'. Replace 'to be there along with' with 'going there with' for natural phrasing. Suggested improvement: Simplify clauses, avoid redundant words, and check subject-verb flow.

× That's a good question. Uh, yes, of course I would like to visit to more parks in my city which are more beautiful.

✓ That's a good question. Yes, of course I would like to visit more beautiful parks in my city.

Do not use the preposition 'to' after 'visit' in English; 'visit' is transitive and takes a direct object. 'Which are more beautiful' is awkward; use 'more beautiful parks' premodifying 'parks'. Remove unnecessary fillers. Suggested improvement: Remember that 'visit' + object needs no 'to' and place adjectives before the noun for conciseness.

× But of course, uh, I think, uh, it's better for me to visit, uh, my, uh, the park in my neighborhood as it was, it always remembers my childhood.

✓ But of course, I think it's better for me to visit the park in my neighborhood because it always reminds me of my childhood.

Mixes past 'was' and 'remembers' awkwardly. Use present tense 'reminds me of' to express that the park evokes childhood memories now. Use 'the park in my neighborhood' (definite article) and 'because' for reason. 'Remember' should be reflexive experience: 'reminds me of my childhood'. Suggested improvement: Use 'remind' when something evokes a memory and keep tense consistent with current feelings.

× Yes, those one I have heard of UH-1 park in Germany where my friend resides near to it.

✓ Yes, that is one I have heard of: UH-1 Park in Germany, which is near where my friend lives.

'Those one' mixes plural 'those' with singular 'one'; use 'that' or 'that one'. 'Resides near to it' is awkward: use 'lives near' or 'near where my friend lives'. Use relative clause 'which is near where my friend lives' for clarity. Capitalize park name consistently. Suggested improvement: Match demonstratives to number ('that' for singular), and use 'lives near' instead of 'resides near to it'.

× Uh, I think it's near to Frankfurt and I would like to visit, uh, when I go to Germany for my future studies.

✓ I think it's near Frankfurt, and I would like to visit it when I go to Germany for my future studies.

Do not use 'near to' in this context; 'near' without 'to' is natural ('near Frankfurt'). Add 'it' after 'visit' as 'visit' needs an object. 'When I go to Germany for my future studies' is fine but ensure word order keeps 'visit it' together. Suggested improvement: Use 'near' (no 'to') and include the object after 'visit'.