公园— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid awkward phrases (e.g. "relaxation of my brain") and unnecessary words. Use one or two specific supporting details and a linking word for coherence.

範例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed playing games with my friends there because the open space made it easy to run around, and the quiet corners were great for relaxing and reading.

建議: Use a more natural verb form and shorten the response. Link your reason smoothly and add a concrete example of what you do in parks to support your point.

範例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. The fresh air and greenery help me relax and stay active; for example, I usually go jogging there twice a week to clear my mind and exercise.

建議: Be direct and avoid vague or awkward phrasing. State your opinion clearly, give specific reasons and finish your sentence. Replace filler words like "umm" and use linking words to organize ideas.

範例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in the city because rapid urbanization has reduced green spaces. More parks would improve air quality and provide safe places for children to play and for residents to relax.

建議: Avoid repetition and be specific: name a park or describe the type of park you want to visit and explain why. Keep it concise and use linking words to show reason.

範例: Yes, I plan to visit the central botanical garden next month because it is famous for its rare plants and peaceful walking paths, and I also want to see the historic riverside park to learn more about the city's heritage.

× To be honest, in my childhood I was really enjoying visiting parks.

✓ To be honest, in my childhood I really enjoyed visiting parks.

The original uses 'was really enjoying' which is the past continuous and suggests an ongoing action at a specific time; for habitual past actions 'really enjoyed' (simple past) is appropriate. Use simple past to describe repeated or habitual actions in the past.

× The main reason for that was the atmosphere and relaxation of my brain, and hanging out with my friends in park was truly interesting for me.

✓ The main reason for that was the atmosphere and relaxation it gave my mind, and hanging out with my friends in the park was truly interesting for me.

'Relaxation of my brain' is awkward; use 'relaxation it gave my mind'. Also 'in park' is missing the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific place type: 'in the park.' Articles are required before countable nouns when specific.

× Currently, I'm really liking spending time in parks because, as I mentioned, the atmosphere is truly beneficial both for my mental and my physical health.

✓ Currently, I really enjoy spending time in parks because, as I mentioned, the atmosphere is truly beneficial for both my mental and physical health.

Stative verbs like 'like' are not normally used in the progressive ('I'm really liking'). Use the simple present 'I really enjoy' for general preferences. Also 'both for my mental and my physical health' is wordy; 'beneficial for both my mental and physical health' is concise.

× It's one of the salient troubles in the urbanization nowadays.

✓ It's one of the main problems of urbanization nowadays.

'The urbanization' is unnatural here; use 'urbanization' without 'the' when speaking generally, and 'troubles' is better as 'problems.' 'Salient' is formal and awkward in this context; 'main' is clearer. This corrects article and word choice.

× Furthermore, I would really enjoy that umm the construction of the parks will increase.

✓ Furthermore, I would really like the construction of parks to increase.

When expressing wishes about future events, use 'would like' + object + 'to' + base verb, not 'would enjoy that' + 'will.' Also avoid 'the parks' unless specific parks are meant; use 'parks' generally. 'Would like the construction of parks to increase' is grammatical.

× This can have a positive impact on our.

✓ This can have a positive impact on our city and our quality of life.

The original sentence is incomplete ('on our' what?). Provide the object of the preposition to complete the sentence. Adding 'city and our quality of life' clarifies the intended meaning.

× In the future, I have a substantial amount of plans for visiting some parks because in my my city is the capital of our country and therefore there are several parks that should be visited by me.

✓ In the future, I have many plans to visit some parks because my city is the capital of our country and therefore there are several parks I should visit.

'A substantial amount of plans' is incorrect collocation; use 'many plans' or 'a substantial number of plans.' 'For visiting' is better as 'to visit.' The phrase 'in my my city is the capital' has a duplicate 'my' and incorrect word order; correct to 'my city is the capital.' 'Should be visited by me' is passive and awkward; use 'I should visit.' These corrections address tense, word choice, word order, and redundancy.