视图— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and organized. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, you know), correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., “iPhone 7D” is incorrect model name; say “on my phone” or “with my iPhone”). Use one or two specific examples and a brief reason. Keep to maximum five sentences and use linking words to connect ideas.

範例: I enjoy taking photos with my phone, especially of rivers, mountains and the sky because natural landscapes are visually striking. I also like photographing my pets since they show personality in candid shots. Additionally, I enjoy capturing local people in traditional dress to document cultural diversity, which gives my photos more meaning.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use comparative structure correctly), remove fillers, and add a specific reason or example. Use a linking word to contrast (e.g., “because” or “whereas”) and keep it to two or three sentences maximum.

範例: I prefer rural areas because the scenery is more natural and colorful, with fields, forests and open skies. For example, I enjoy photographing sunrise over a quiet river where there is less pollution and fewer buildings, which makes the colours more vivid.

建議: Clarify meaning and avoid inappropriate expressions (e.g., “the climate is also hell” is unclear and negative). Use one clear reason with specific details and avoid run-on sentences. Mention a positive, specific feature (e.g., lush forests during monsoon) and finish with a concise concluding sentence. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

範例: I prefer views in my own country because it has abundant forests and wildlife, especially dramatic during the monsoon when everything looks lush and green. For example, the waterfalls and rivers swell and create striking scenes that are easy to reach by short car trips.

× Yes, I would love to take pictures in my phone using my iPhone 7D uh, especially views like river, mountain skies and also my pets.

✓ Yes, I would love to take pictures on my phone using my iPhone 7D, especially of views like rivers, mountain skies, and my pets.

Incorrect use of preposition and noun forms: 'in my phone' should be 'on my phone'; 'views like river, mountain skies' needs pluralization and 'of' to show what is being photographed. Suggestion: use 'on' for devices and plural nouns for general categories.

× And also I love to take the riches of peoples who were so like, you know, culturally or outfit and they're maybe they're.

✓ I also love to capture the richness of people's cultures and traditional outfits.

Word choice and structure errors: 'take the riches of peoples' is incorrect for photographing culture; 'peoples' and 'who were so like' are ungrammatical. Use 'capture' for photographing and 'people's cultures and traditional outfits' for clarity. Keep subject-verb agreement and possessive form 'people's'.

× I prefer rural areas because the view in there is so natural and vibrant then urban areas because less, you know, less environmental effort over there and and more I feel more vibrant by taking all photos.

✓ I prefer rural areas because the views there are more natural and vibrant than in urban areas; there is less environmental pollution, and I feel more alive taking photos there.

Multiple errors: 'the view in there' should be 'the views there'; comparison uses 'than' not 'then'; 'environmental effort' is incorrect — likely 'environmental pollution' or 'damage'; wordy and repetitive phrases restructured. Suggestion: use 'than' for comparisons and simplify clauses.

× I prefer views in my country because my country is rich in nature, it consists of many, many trees and wildlife and the view, especially in monsoon season is so vibrant and travelling is so easy and the climate is also hell.

✓ I prefer views in my country because it is rich in natural scenery, with many trees and abundant wildlife; the views, especially in the monsoon season, are very vibrant, travel is easy, and the climate is also pleasant.

Several issues: 'rich in nature' is better as 'rich in natural scenery'; run-on sentence needs punctuation; 'the view... is so vibrant' requires plural agreement and commas; 'climate is also hell' is incorrect and likely meant 'pleasant' — 'hell' is not appropriate. Suggestion: break into clear clauses, use correct adjectives and punctuation.