旅行— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., “look out the window” twice) and informal second-person phrasing like “you can do that.” Aim for 2–4 sentences, varied vocabulary (e.g., scenery, relax), and a natural connector such as “because” or “so.”

範例: I prefer sitting by the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the scenery pass by. For example, on long bus or plane journeys I find the changing landscape relaxing, and it makes the trip more memorable than just using my phone.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (singular/plural, tense), and include one or two specific details about the trips. Use linking words like “for example” or “because” and avoid hesitations/repetitions. Keep it to 2–4 sentences and add a brief reflection to show personal feeling or consequence.

範例: Yes, I often had long trips with my parents when I was a child. For example, we spent one or two months in Hong Kong and I remember visiting relatives and exploring the city, which was a very happy time; I would love to do that again, but at the moment work commitments make it difficult.

× Yes, I'll definitely prefer sitting by the window and traveling so I can look out the window and look at the views outside and enjoy the travelling and not just look at the phone and play on your phone because you can do that every day else when you're not traveling.

✓ Yes, I definitely prefer sitting by the window and traveling so I can look out at the views and enjoy the trip, rather than just looking at my phone, because you can do that any other day when you're not traveling.

The original sentence mixes future/modal 'I'll' with a general preference; 'prefer' in general statements should use present simple. 'I'll definitely prefer' is incorrect (Third person singular issue/tense misuse). Also inconsistent pronouns and repetition: 'look out the window and look at the views outside' is redundant; 'play on your phone' should match speaker 'my phone'. Suggestions: use present simple for habitual or general preferences ('I prefer'), remove redundancy ('look out at the views'), and keep consistent possessive pronouns ('my phone').

× Yes, I used to have long journeys with my parents back then when I was children.

✓ Yes, I used to have long journeys with my parents back then when I was a child.

The phrase 'I was children' mixes singular subject 'I' with plural 'children'. Use singular 'a child' to agree with 'I'. Suggestion: match number between subject and noun phrase ('I was a child').

× We used to go to Hong Kong for one or two months and then stay there and it was it was really it was a really happy time and I hope I can do it again since now it's really hard for me to do it since I have a lot of work to do and a lot of things to handle.

✓ We used to go to Hong Kong for one or two months and stay there; it was a really happy time, and I hope I can do it again, but now it is difficult because I have a lot of work and many things to handle.

The original sentence has repetitive phrases ('it was it was really it was a really'), redundant 'since' used twice, and run-on structure. This is a sentence structure issue. Suggestions: remove repetition, replace one 'since' with 'but' to show contrast, simplify 'a lot of things to handle' and use parallel structure ('a lot of work and many things to handle').

× ...not just look at the phone and play on your phone because you can do that every day else when you're not traveling.

✓ ...not just look at my phone and play on it, because you can do that any other day when you're not traveling.

The sentence switches from speaker perspective ('I') to second person 'your phone', creating pronoun inconsistency. Also 'every day else' is incorrect; use 'any other day'. Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent with the speaker ('my phone') and use correct adverbial phrase 'any other day'.