旅行— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatically accurate, concise and use clearer supporting details. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific reasons linked with cohesive devices. Avoid short fragments and incorrect phrases (e.g. “because of I can see outdoor”, “A twist of flowers”).

範例: Yes, I prefer the window seat. I like it because I can enjoy the view outside, such as fields or rows of flowers, which helps me relax. In addition, I find it easier to rest when I can look out and follow the moving scenery.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence then give specific, coherent details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g. use past tense consistently and natural expressions like “we often took long trips” and avoid redundant adjectives like “beautiful and gorgeous”). Add one brief memory or feeling to enrich the answer.

範例: Yes, we often took long journeys when I was a child. My family and I usually went to Sham Beach, a popular sandy beach near my city, which attracted many tourists. I remember playing on the shore with my brother and enjoying the warm sun, so those trips are some of my fondest childhood memories.

× I prefer to sit by the window because of I can see outdoor.

✓ I prefer to sit by the window because I can see outdoors.

The phrase 'because of' should be followed by a noun or noun phrase, not a clause. Use 'because' to introduce a reason clause. Also 'outdoor' here is incorrect: the adverb 'outdoors' is needed to indicate 'outside'. Suggestion: replace 'because of' with 'because' and use 'outdoors'.

× For example I can see A twist of flowers.

✓ For example, I can see a bunch of flowers.

'A twist of flowers' is not a natural collocation in English. Use 'a bunch of flowers' or 'a row of flowers' depending on meaning. Also capitalize only proper nouns and begin sentences with a capital letter; add a comma after 'For example' for clarity.

× It made me feel better and relaxed and calm.

✓ They make me feel better, relaxed, and calm.

Subject and verb agreement and tense are inconsistent. 'It made me' shifts to past tense though previous context is general preference; use present tense 'make' and plural subject 'they' (flowers). Use parallel adjective structure 'relaxed and calm' and separate items with commas.

× We usually have a long journey with my family and my brother.

✓ We usually had long journeys with my family when I was a child.

Question asks about childhood (past), so use past tense 'had' not 'have'. Also 'a long journey' should be plural 'long journeys' if recurring; include time frame 'when I was a child' to match the question. Remove redundant 'and my brother' or integrate him into 'my family'.

× I always went to Sham Beach, which is beautiful and gorgeous beach in my city.

✓ I always went to Sham Beach, which is a beautiful and gorgeous beach in my city.

Before 'beautiful and gorgeous beach' an indefinite article 'a' is required. Also avoid redundant synonyms — 'beautiful and gorgeous' is repetitive; choose one for conciseness.

× I remember that me.

✓ I remember that.

'I remember that me' is ungrammatical: 'that' can introduce a clause (e.g., 'I remember that we went there') or stand alone as 'I remember.' To express a remembered person, rephrase (e.g., 'I remember him' or 'I remember going there'). In context, delete 'me' or supply a proper clause.