建筑— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and grammatically accurate. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Correct articles and word forms (e.g., "one of the most developed cities," "many modern grand buildings," "some of Asia's tallest buildings"). Use a linking word to connect ideas.

範例: Yes — there are many tall buildings near my home. Shanghai is one of China’s most developed cities, so modern skyscrapers like the Shanghai Tower and other of Asia’s tallest buildings are common in my neighborhood.

建議: Good content and clear motivation. Improve grammatical accuracy (e.g., "gives me a sense"), reduce redundancy (avoid repeating "beautiful" and "grand"), and vary vocabulary. Use a linking word when adding the final reason.

範例: Yes, I do. I’m a photography enthusiast, so when the weather is nice I often take my camera out to capture modern architecture around Shanghai. In addition, I sometimes use my best shots as phone wallpapers, which gives me a real sense of accomplishment.

建議: Clarify and correct awkward phrases and be specific about reasons. Avoid filler words like "well" if unnecessary. Fix grammar (e.g., "a landmark of Tokyo," "appears in popular animations and films") and use a linking word to explain why you want to visit.

範例: I would like to visit Tokyo Tower because it’s an iconic landmark of Tokyo and often appears in popular films and animations. Therefore I want to go up the tower to enjoy panoramic views of the city.

建議: Provide a clear topic sentence and correct grammar (e.g., "causes many inconveniences," "you may have to wait a long time for the elevator," "rent is often higher"). Use linking words such as "for example" and "also" appropriately and keep sentences concise.

範例: Not really — I prefer not to. Living in a tall building can cause several inconveniences; for example, you may have to wait a long time for the elevator during peak hours. Also, rent is often higher in high-rise buildings, which is another drawback.

× Yes, of course, since I live in Shanghai, which is the one of the most developed city in China, many modern grand architecture was built this year, including some of the Asia highest buildings such as Shanghai Tower.

✓ Yes, of course. Since I live in Shanghai, which is one of the most developed cities in China, many modern grand buildings were built this year, including some of Asia's tallest buildings such as Shanghai Tower.

Problems: incorrect definite article 'the one of the most developed city' and singular/plural mismatches. 'one of the most developed cities' requires plural 'cities' and no 'the' before 'one of'. 'architecture' used as a countable noun is incorrect; use 'buildings' or 'architectural structures'. 'Asia highest buildings' needs possessive 'Asia's' and adjective 'tallest'. Also 'was built' should be 'were built' to agree with plural subject 'many...buildings'. Suggestions: remove unneeded 'the', change 'city' to plural 'cities', replace 'architecture' with 'buildings', use 'Asia's tallest' and plural past 'were built'.

× Yes, of course, I'm a photography enthusiast. When the weather is fine, I prefer to carry my camera and hang out to take beautiful pictures of the grand modern architecture around Shanghai.

✓ Yes, of course. I'm a photography enthusiast. When the weather is fine, I prefer to carry my camera and hang out to take beautiful pictures of the grand modern architecture around Shanghai.

This sentence is mostly correct. Minor punctuation: split into two sentences for clarity. 'hang out to take' is acceptable but could be improved to 'hang out and take' for natural coordination of verbs. Suggestion: use 'and' to connect activities.

× Most importantly, I can use a picture I took as my wallpaper, which give me a sense of accomplishment.

✓ Most importantly, I can use a picture I took as my wallpaper, which gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Problem: subject-verb agreement for relative clause. The relative pronoun 'which' refers to 'using a picture as wallpaper' or 'picture', treated as singular, so verb must be 'gives' (third person singular). Suggestion: change 'give' to 'gives'.

× Well, I would like to visit Tokyo Tower. It is the symbol of a landmark of Tokyo UMM, especially in the show up in some popular animations and films.

✓ Well, I would like to visit Tokyo Tower. It is a famous landmark of Tokyo and appears in some popular animations and films.

Problems: awkward phrase 'the symbol of a landmark of Tokyo UMM' and 'in the show up in' is ungrammatical. 'Tokyo Tower' is 'a famous landmark', not 'the symbol of a landmark'. 'appears in' correctly describes being shown in media. Suggestion: rephrase to 'a famous landmark of Tokyo and appears in some popular animations and films.'

× So I would like to get into Tokyo Tower and see the beautiful scenery all over the Tokyo city.

✓ So I would like to go into Tokyo Tower and see the beautiful scenery all over Tokyo.

Problems: 'get into' is informal and can mean enter a vehicle; 'go into' or 'enter' is better. 'the Tokyo city' is redundant; 'Tokyo' suffices. Suggestion: use 'go into' and drop 'the' and 'city'.

× Not really. There are two reasons. Firstly, living in a tall building means can lift many inconvenience.

✓ Not really. There are two reasons. Firstly, living in a tall building can cause many inconveniences.

Problems: incorrect structure 'means can lift many inconvenience' is ungrammatical. Use modal 'can' with verb 'cause' and plural 'inconveniences'. Suggestion: 'living in a tall building can cause many inconveniences.'

× For example, you need to wait a long time when you want to use elevator.

✓ For example, you need to wait a long time when you want to use the elevator.

Problem: missing definite article before a specific noun 'elevator'. In English, when referring to the building's elevator generally, use 'the elevator'. Suggestion: add 'the'.

× Additionally, the house rent fee in tall buildings are much higher than the normal ones.

✓ Additionally, the rent for apartments in tall buildings is much higher than for ordinary ones.

Problems: 'house rent fee' is awkward; use 'rent for apartments' or 'rental fees'. Subject-verb agreement: original 'are' conflicts with singular 'fee'; rephrase to plural or adjust verb. I changed structure to 'rent ... is much higher than for ordinary ones' to ensure agreement. Suggestion: use 'rent' or 'rental fees' and ensure subject and verb agree.