走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and complete your sentences. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (because, so, and) correctly and avoid repetition.

範例: Yes, I walk a lot because my job as a nurse requires me to care for several patients. For example, I often move around the ward to check on two or three patients and respond to call bells, so I can provide prompt care during my twelve-hour shifts.

建議: Give a clear topic sentence then add specific and complete supporting details. Fix grammar (used to), avoid halting repetitions, and finish your thought about the village. Use linking words like and or because to connect ideas.

範例: Yes, I often went outside as a child because I lived in a rural village. For instance, I used to walk to the nearby forest to collect wood or gather fruit with my friends, and I enjoyed watching the scenic views that surrounded our village.

建議: Start with a clear reason and avoid incorrect word choices (annoy → get away/relieve). Reduce repetition (connected to nature / close to nature). Provide one or two specific benefits and use linking words (therefore, also).

範例: People like walking in parks because it helps them relax and escape their hectic work schedules. Moreover, parks let people connect with nature, enjoy panoramic views, and get fresh air, which reduces stress and improves mood.

建議: Use a clear conditional sentence and avoid repetition (definitely). Correct place name (Hyde Park?) and grammar (recommended to me; it is quite large). Give one or two concrete reasons and link them logically.

範例: If I had the chance, I would choose Hyde Park because a friend recommended it to me. I heard it is very large with panoramic views, waterfront cafés, and diverse wildlife, so I would enjoy a long peaceful walk there.

建議: Answer directly in past tense and complete your sentences. Avoid mixing present and past tense. Provide one or two specific details about what you saw or did and use linking words (for example, and).

範例: I haven't visited a park recently, but last year I went to Gloucester Park. The park has several lakes and pretty waterfront cafés, and I enjoyed sitting by the lake and watching ducks and people boating.

× Yes, I usually walk a lot because my work demands it and I usually look after more than two to three patients.

✓ Yes, I usually walk a lot because my work demands it and I usually look after more than two or three patients.

Use 'or' not 'to' when giving an approximate range between two numbers; 'two to three' is informal but acceptable; 'two or three' is more idiomatic here. Also the rest of sentence is present simple which matches habitual action.

× So in order to provide necessary help and also deliver prompt services I need to move around in my unit Our shift is around twelve so working twelve and

✓ So in order to provide necessary help and deliver prompt services, I need to move around in my unit. Our shift is around twelve hours, so I work twelve hours.

The original run-on sentence lacks punctuation and contains an incomplete fragment. Split into two sentences and complete the second by specifying 'hours' and repeating the verb 'work' to form a full clause. This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× Yes, I usually I used to go outside when I was a child mostly for different tasks like collecting ods from the forest or gathering fruits.

✓ Yes, I used to go outside when I was a child, mostly for different tasks like collecting wood from the forest or gathering fruit.

Removed redundant 'I usually'. Use past habitual 'used to' correctly. 'ods' is likely 'wood' and 'fruits' is better as uncountable 'fruit' in this context. Added commas for clarity.

× Also I used to walk with my friends. I love to watch the scenic views and my village is surrounded

✓ Also I used to walk with my friends. I loved watching the scenic views because my village was surrounded by forest.

Tense consistency: when speaking about childhood, use past tense ('loved', 'was surrounded'). The original sentence is incomplete ('is surrounded' needs an object). Completed it by adding 'by forest' for meaning; adjust to past tense for cohesion.

× I feel walking in the park makes person feel relaxed and also they can annoy from their hectic work schedule.

✓ I feel walking in the park makes a person feel relaxed and also helps them get away from their hectic work schedule.

Use 'a person' for generic reference, and 'them' as gender-neutral singular pronoun. 'Annoy from' is incorrect; use 'get away from' or 'relieve them of' to express escaping work stress. Also maintain subject-verb agreement 'makes a person feel'.

× When we are walking in the park I feel we are getting connected to the nature and we are really close to the nature.

✓ When we are walking in the park, I feel we are getting connected to nature and are really close to it.

Do not use the definite article with 'nature' in this sense; 'nature' is uncountable and usually used without 'the'. Avoid repeating the phrase; replace second instance with 'it' to avoid redundancy.

× Also the park has a panoramic view which people can enjoy.

✓ Also, the park has a panoramic view that people can enjoy.

Change 'which' to 'that' for a defining relative clause (restrictive). Add comma after 'Also' for clarity. Grammar otherwise correct.

× If I get a chance to walk around I would definitely select a hide park because one of my friends has recommended me that and also I heard it's quite a massive, has a panoramic view and also there are waterfront cafes.

✓ If I got a chance to walk around, I would definitely choose Hyde Park because one of my friends recommended it, and I heard it's quite large, has a panoramic view, and has waterfront cafes.

Use second conditional: 'If I got... I would...' Match verb 'choose' instead of 'select' for naturalness. 'Recommended me that' is incorrect; use 'recommended it'. 'Hide park' is likely 'Hyde Park'. 'Massive' is informal; 'large' is better. Ensure parallel structure in listing features.

× I would definitely love to see those even I have heard about the wildlife.

✓ I would definitely love to see it, and I have also heard about the wildlife there.

Original is awkward and ungrammatical. Replace 'those' with 'it' (referring to the park) and restructure to 'I have also heard about the wildlife there' for clarity and correct conjunction use.

× Recently I haven't visited any park but I remember last year I went to Gloucester Park which has a scenic view the park consists of lakes and there are beautiful waterfront cafes.

✓ Recently I haven't visited any parks, but I remember that last year I went to Gloucester Park, which has a scenic view. The park consists of lakes and has beautiful waterfront cafes.

Use plural 'parks' after 'any'. Add comma and split into sentences to avoid run-on. Use 'has' for describing the park; maintain present tense for general description. Insert 'that' for clarity and punctuation.

× I really enjoyed the view last time when I went I could see

✓ I really enjoyed the view last time I went; I could see many birds and boats on the lake.

Original is a sentence fragment and run-on. Add a complete clause specifying what was seen to finish the thought. Use past tense 'enjoyed' and 'could see' consistently and separate clauses properly.