走路— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise, correct grammar and avoid hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix verb forms (e.g., “work back” → “walk back”), articles and plural forms, and remove repeated words.

範例: Not really. I usually drive to work and, as a teacher, I spend most of the day standing at my desk delivering lessons. Besides a short walk to the canteen at lunchtime and back to my office, I mainly sit marking students’ papers.

建議: Improve tense consistency and add a linking phrase to connect ideas. Use specific vocabulary (e.g., ‘played tag’ instead of ‘tap’) and one concise reflective comment to show personal feeling.

範例: Yes, I often played outside because I had a lot of free time. For example, my friends and I would play hide-and-seek and tag in the park near my house, and those afternoons are still memorable because they were so fun.

建議: Correct word choice and reduce repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then support with two specific reasons linked by connectors. Use singular/plural correctly (e.g., “greenery” or “green spaces”) and avoid repeating words like “cold.”

範例: I think people enjoy walking in parks because green spaces and fresh air help them relax. In addition, morning sunlight is pleasant, and a cool afternoon breeze can make a walk feel very refreshing.

建議: Clarify intentions and correct odd or unclear phrases. Use conditional structure consistently and avoid vague phrases like “have a straw.” Add one specific detail about the walk and use a linking word to connect ideas.

範例: If I had the chance, I would take a long walk along the beach to enjoy the ocean breeze and the peaceful atmosphere. I would also like to walk there with my family or partner while listening to the waves.

建議: Fix unclear phrases and verb forms. Begin with a direct topic sentence stating where you went, then add specific details about the route and feelings using linking words. Replace “went on a bus work at the hill” with a clear phrase (e.g., “took a bus to a hill near my house”).

範例: Recently I took a bus to a hill near my house and walked up to the top. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way, and reaching the summit gave me a real sense of achievement, so I plan to do more hikes in the future.

× Not really. Uh I drive to work and as a teacher I stand at my desk to deliver the lesson and the only chance is work back to my office and go to canteen to have my lunch. Other than that I just sit down at my at my desk to mark students paper.

✓ Not really. I drive to work, and as a teacher I stand at my desk to deliver lessons. The only chance I have to move is to walk back to my office and go to the canteen to have my lunch. Other than that, I just sit at my desk to mark students' papers.

This sentence contains multiple sentence structure and related grammar issues: run-on sentences, missing articles ('the canteen'), incorrect verb forms ('work back' should be 'walk back'), repetition ('at my at my'), and missing possessive for 'students' papers'. Break into clear sentences, add articles, correct verbs, and use the possessive form to improve clarity and grammaticality.

× Yes, I often played outside when I was a child because I had a lot of free time. I usually play hide and seek and tap with my friends at the park nearby my house. Those afternoons remain memorable to me because they were enjoyable.

✓ Yes, I often played outside when I was a child because I had a lot of free time. I usually played hide-and-seek and tag with my friends at the park near my house. Those afternoons remain memorable to me because they were enjoyable.

Tense inconsistency and incorrect word choice: when describing childhood activities, use past tense consistently ('played' not 'play'). The games are 'hide-and-seek' and 'tag' (not 'tap'). Use 'near my house' rather than 'nearby my house'. Keep tense consistent to match the time frame.

× I think people like to work in part because greeneries and fresh air make them feel relaxed. Also in the morning the sunlight is comfortable and the cold, the cold breeze in the afternoon makes the walk pleasant.

✓ I think people like to walk in parks in part because greenery and fresh air make them feel relaxed. Also, the morning sunlight is pleasant, and the cool breeze in the afternoon makes walking enjoyable.

Word choice and repetition errors: 'work' should be 'walk'; 'greeneries' is incorrect—use 'greenery' or 'green spaces'. 'Comfortable' is awkward for sunlight; 'pleasant' is better. Remove duplicated phrase 'the cold, the cold' and use 'cool breeze'. Use consistent noun forms and smoother adjective choices.

× If I had a chance to take a long walk, I would like to walk along the beach to enjoy the ocean breeze and peaceful atmosphere. I also wanted to have a straw with my family members or my partner while listening.

✓ If I had the chance to take a long walk, I would like to walk along the beach to enjoy the ocean breeze and the peaceful atmosphere. I would also like to share a straw (or better: have a picnic) with my family members or my partner while listening to the waves.

Tense and verb form inconsistency: maintain conditional mood with 'would like'. 'Wanted' should be 'would like' to match the conditional. The phrase 'have a straw' is unclear—likely intended 'share a straw' or 'have a picnic'; provide a clearer alternative. Also add 'the' before 'peaceful atmosphere' and complete 'listening to the waves' for clarity.

× Recently I went on a bus work at the hill nearby my house. I enjoy this beautiful scenery along the way and reaching the top gave me a sense of achievement. I would like to try more in future because it makes me feel healthy.

✓ Recently I went by bus to the hill near my house. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery along the way, and reaching the top gave me a sense of achievement. I would like to try it more in the future because it makes me feel healthy.

Multiple issues: incorrect prepositions and word choice ('went on a bus work' is ungrammatical—use 'went by bus to the hill'), tense inconsistency ('enjoy' should be past 'enjoyed' to match 'went'), missing article 'the' and phrase fixes ('in future' -> 'in the future'). Make verbs consistent in past tense for completed actions and add necessary articles/prepositions.