爱好— Part 1 評分報告

建議: 문장이 어색하고 문법 오류가 많습니다. 간결한 주제문으로 시작한 뒤, 하나 또는 두 개의 구체적 이유를 연결어(with linking words)를 사용해 설명하세요. 예: 주어·동사 시제 일치, 단수·복수 일치, 관사 사용, 그리고 의미 전달이 명확한 어휘(예: indoor climbing, relieves stress)를 사용하세요. 또한 중복 표현을 피하고 문장 수는 3~4문장으로 유지하세요.

範例: Yes, I have a couple of hobbies at the moment. I enjoy ballet and indoor climbing because they help me stay fit and relieve stress. For example, ballet improves my posture, while climbing builds my strength and concentration.

建議: 시제 일관성이 부족하고 어휘 사용이 부정확합니다. 과거 시제를 사용해 과거의 취미를 분명히 표현하고, 불필요한 말을 줄이세요. 또한 'Draw Something'처럼 애매한 표현 대신 'drawing'이나 'sketching'을 쓰세요. 연결어(because)를 사용해 이유를 명확히 제시하고 문장을 2~3개로 유지하세요.

範例: When I was a child, I used to play the piano and do a lot of drawing. I enjoyed activities that involved my fingers because they felt calming and fun.

建議: 조사·시제·어순 오류가 있습니다. 현재완료나 단순현재/과거 시제를 상황에 맞게 사용하세요. 'major'는 대학 전공을 의미하므로 맥락이 맞는지 확인하고, 감정을 표현할 때는 구체적 이유를 추가하세요. 또한 문장은 자연스럽게 연결어(so, because)를 쓰되 문법적으로 정확하게 고치세요.

範例: Yes, I have played the piano since childhood. I studied classical piano as my main subject, and practicing it always makes me feel happy and calm, so it remains a very special hobby for me.

建議: 의미 전달이 불명확하고 단어 선택이 부정확합니다. 가족과의 공통 관심사를 말할 때는 간단하고 명확한 문장으로 말하세요. 예를 들어 'We all like reading, but we prefer different genres'처럼 구체적인 예시를 덧붙이세요. 연결어(and/but)로 대비를 명확히 하고 문장을 2문장 이내로 유지하세요.

範例: We all enjoy reading, but our tastes are different. For example, my parents prefer novels while I like non-fiction and magazines.

× My hobby is ballet or inside climbing.

✓ My hobby is ballet or indoor climbing.

The phrase 'inside climbing' is not idiomatic; 'indoor climbing' is correct. No verb agreement error here but word choice fix: 'inside' (preposition) should be 'indoor' (adjective). Suggestion: use 'indoor climbing' to describe climbing done inside a facility.

× It make flow of the flow of my steam.

✓ It makes the steam in me flow.

The verb must agree with the singular subject 'It' so 'makes' is required. The original sentence also has awkward word order and repetition 'flow of the flow of my steam.' Rephrase to 'makes the steam in me flow' or 'makes me feel refreshed.' Suggestion: ensure the verb has an -s for third person singular and simplify the expression.

× I think it is very healthy for me.

✓ I think it is very healthy for me.

No grammatical change needed; sentence is acceptable. Keep as is.

× Uh, when I was young, my hobby is play the piano and Draw Something because I really like action with my fingers.

✓ Uh, when I was young, my hobbies were playing the piano and drawing because I really liked activities with my fingers.

Tense inconsistency: 'when I was young' indicates past time, so use past tense 'were' not 'is'. Also 'play the piano' and 'Draw Something' need gerunds ('playing' and 'drawing') after 'hobbies were'. 'Draw Something' (a game/app) is unclear; use 'drawing' for the activity. 'Really like' should be past 'really liked'. Suggestion: keep past tense for all verbs and use gerunds after 'hobbies'.

× Oh yes, I really like played piano because my first major is classic piano.

✓ Oh yes, I really liked playing the piano because my first major was classical piano.

When referring to a habitual or past preference use past tense 'liked' and the gerund 'playing'. 'Is' should be past 'was' because this refers to past study. 'Classic piano' is incorrect collocation; use 'classical piano'. Suggestion: match past tense and use correct adjective 'classical'.

× So piano make me feel happy and claim my mind.

✓ So the piano makes me feel happy and calms my mind.

Subject-verb agreement: 'piano' is singular so use 'makes'. 'Claim my mind' is incorrect collocation; the intended meaning is 'calm my mind' so use 'calms'. Also include the article 'the' before 'piano' when speaking generally about the instrument. Suggestion: use 'the piano makes me feel happy and calms my mind.'

× It is very special hobby to me.

✓ It is a very special hobby to me.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'very special hobby'. Suggestion: add 'a' to form a grammatical noun phrase.

× Oh maybe my family same hope is read a book but we just diff different from like so it is.

✓ Oh, maybe my family likes reading books, but we are just different in our preferences.

Original sentence has multiple structure and word choice errors. 'Family same hope is read a book' is ungrammatical. Use 'my family likes reading books' for general habit (third person singular 'likes'). 'We just diff different from like so it is' is meaningless; replace with 'but we are just different in our preferences.' Suggestion: simplify and use correct verb form and noun phrases.