家乡— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Reduce repetition, correct grammar and use a clear topic sentence with one or two supporting details. For example, combine location and description into one smooth sentence, fix articles and word order, and avoid stuttering. Also keep under five sentences.

範例: I come from Fukuoka Prefecture in Japan, and I live in a small town called Omuta. I like it because it has a quiet, comfortable atmosphere and feels like the countryside.

建議: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give concise, specific supporting details with linking words. Correct grammar (use singular/plural and articles) and avoid filler sounds. Mention examples or reasons to make it more vivid.

範例: I like the peaceful, comfortable atmosphere of my hometown because most residents are elderly and very friendly. For example, neighbours often greet me when I walk down the street, which makes the place feel safe and welcoming.

建議: Give a direct answer first with correct verb forms and then add brief chronological details using linking words. Avoid repetition and correct phrasing like “returned home”.

範例: I have lived in my hometown for about 18 years. However, when I was 18 I moved to another city for work, and I recently returned home a short time ago.

建議: Answer directly and then support your opinion with clear, specific reasons and linking words. Use smoother phrasing (e.g., “young people tend to move to the city”) and add one brief example or consequence.

範例: No, I don't think so, because most residents are elderly and there are few job or study opportunities. As a result, young people tend to move to the city for university or work.

× My hometown is Fukuoka in Japan. I I live in a small town called Omuta.

✓ My hometown is Fukuoka in Japan. I live in a small town called Omuta.

The repeated 'I' is a speech disfluency causing a sentence structure error. Remove the extra 'I' to form a correct simple present declarative sentence: 'I live in a small town called Omuta.' Suggestion: practice speaking with pauses instead of repeating pronouns.

× I I like I like it because quiet and comfortable atmosphere.

✓ I like it because of its quiet and comfortable atmosphere.

Missing preposition 'of' and possessive determiner 'its' create an ungrammatical noun phrase. Add 'because of' and 'its' to modify 'atmosphere' correctly, and remove repeated words. Suggestion: use 'because of' when explaining a reason followed by a noun phrase.

× It's like a countryside.

✓ It's like the countryside.

The noun 'countryside' requires the definite article 'the' when referring to a general concept of rural areas. Use 'the countryside' to express that idea.

× I like quiet and comfortable atmosphere of my hometown because uh, they are most residents, elderly people.

✓ I like the quiet and comfortable atmosphere of my hometown because most residents are elderly people.

The original has extra words ('they are') and misplaces 'most'. Remove 'they are' and place 'most' before 'residents'. Also add 'the' before 'quiet and comfortable atmosphere'. Suggestion: keep subject and verb in correct order: 'most residents are elderly people.'

× Most residents are elderly people, so they are very friendly.

✓ Most residents are elderly people, so they are very friendly.

Sentence is correct grammatically. No change needed. Explanation: subject 'most residents' (plural) correctly takes 'are'. No action required.

× Umm, they, they often greet me.

✓ They often greet me.

Repetition 'they, they' is a speech disfluency. Remove the duplicate pronoun to produce a correct simple present sentence. Suggestion: pause instead of repeating words.

× I I have lived, uh, my hometown for 18 years.

✓ I have lived in my hometown for 18 years.

Missing preposition 'in' after 'lived' is a sentence structure error; also duplicate 'I' is a disfluency. Use 'have lived in' for present perfect indicating duration. Suggestion: remember the pattern 'have/has + past participle + in + place.'

× When I was 18 I moved into another city to work.

✓ When I was 18, I moved to another city to work.

Use 'moved to' rather than 'moved into' for relocating to a city; add a comma after the time clause. The past tense 'moved' is appropriate. Suggestion: use 'moved to' with places like cities and countries.

× Umm, I recently returned to back my home.

✓ I recently returned back home.

The phrase 'returned to back my home' is ungrammatical and redundant: 'returned' and 'back' together are acceptable but 'to back' is wrong. Use 'returned home' or 'returned back home' (though 'returned home' is preferred). Suggestion: say 'I recently returned home.'

× No, I don't think so. Uh, because umm, there are many elderly people.

✓ No, I don't think so, because there are many elderly people.

Starting a sentence with 'Because' after a preceding clause is acceptable, but here combining into one sentence improves flow. The clause 'there are many elderly people' is fine (There be issue is appropriate form). Suggestion: connect ideas with a comma and avoid sentence fragments.

× So uh, young people prefer move to central city for study or work.

✓ So young people prefer to move to the city center for study or work.

After 'prefer' followed by a verb, use the infinitive 'to move' or the gerund 'moving'. Also 'central city' is unnatural; use 'the city center' or 'central cities'. Add 'the' when referring to a specific area. Suggestion: use 'prefer to move' or 'prefer moving' and 'the city center'.