工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more concise and use one clear topic sentence first, then add one brief supporting detail. Avoid repetition and minor grammar issues (e.g., “researching in” or “research on” → “researching in” or “work on” and article use: “the Mechanical Engineering Department,” “I study computational fluid dynamics, mainly on offshore structures”). Use linking words if adding a second detail (e.g., “for example,” “mainly”).

範例: I work as a research scholar in the Mechanical Engineering Department at Jadavpur University. I research computational fluid dynamics, mainly focused on how ocean currents affect offshore structures.

建議: Begin with a direct, short answer naming the workplace, then give one specific supporting detail. Avoid long compound sentences and repetitive phrases (e.g., “as I have said earlier,” “I had always dreamt of”). Correct grammar: “caused by ocean currents” (no article), and split thoughts into two sentences if needed. Use a linking word to connect reasons (e.g., “because,” “since”).

範例: I work at Jadavpur University as a research scholar. I study how ocean currents damage offshore structures, and I enjoy it because doing research has always been my dream.

建議: Start with a concise topic sentence answering the question, then give one or two specific supporting points using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., “definitely” twice, “collaborative friends and motivating friends” is repetitive). Combine related ideas and correct small phrasing issues (e.g., “you don’t always know the results” → “results can be unpredictable”).

範例: Yes, it is a great place to work because the collaborative atmosphere motivates me. Since research can be unpredictable, having supportive colleagues in my lab really helps me stay productive.

建議: Give a direct answer and avoid hesitations like “uh.” Fix grammar and phrasing: use “my supervisor” instead of “my Sir,” “provides every possible resource” (resource singular/plural consistency), and streamline the second sentence (e.g., “my colleagues are collaborative and friendly, which makes teamwork easier”). Keep to two sentences max.

範例: Yes, I do. My supervisor provides all the necessary research resources, and my colleagues are collaborative and friendly, which makes teamwork much easier.

建議: Answer directly, then add one specific detail about timing or field to make it more informative. Use natural phrasing: “pursue a PhD abroad” or “in a university abroad.” Avoid repeating “for now” if already concise. Use a linking phrase for the second part (e.g., “after that,” “then”).

範例: I plan to pursue a PhD at a university abroad. After completing my doctorate, I would like to work in industry, preferably in offshore engineering or CFD-related roles.

× Currently I am working as a research scholar at Mechanical Engineering department in Jadhavpur University.

✓ Currently I am working as a research scholar in the Mechanical Engineering department at Jadavpur University.

Preposition and article usage: use 'in the Mechanical Engineering department' (incorrect: 'at Mechanical Engineering department') and correct university name spelling 'Jadavpur'. Also 'at Jadavpur University' follows department phrase. This keeps present continuous to describe current job.

× I am researching on computational fluid dynamics.

✓ I am researching computational fluid dynamics.

Verb + preposition: 'research' as a verb commonly takes a direct object without 'on' in this context. Use present continuous 'am researching' for current activity and remove 'on'.

× It deals with offshore structures mainly.

✓ It mainly deals with offshore structures.

Word order and emphasis: place adverb 'mainly' before the verb for natural English. 'It' presumably refers to the research area, so 'deals' is correct; only adverb placement changed.

× I work in Jadhavpur University as I have said earlier as a research scholar, my work is mainly about finding out the damage that is caused by the ocean currents on the offshore structures.

✓ I work at Jadavpur University, as I said earlier, as a research scholar; my work is mainly about finding the damage caused by ocean currents on offshore structures.

Preposition and article corrections: use 'at Jadavpur University' (not 'in'), remove unnecessary articles before plural nouns ('offshore structures' not 'the offshore structures' unless specific ones are meant). Also simplify phrasing: 'finding out the damage that is caused by the ocean currents' -> 'finding the damage caused by ocean currents'. Fix punctuation and university spelling.

× I like to work there a lot because research was my dream I had always dreamt of.

✓ I like working there a lot because research has always been my dream.

Tense and structure: switch to present perfect 'has always been' to express a continuing state up to now rather than simple past 'was'. Use gerund 'like working' for preference. Remove redundant 'I had always dreamt of'.

× The collaborative environment in my workplace really motivates me to work further.

✓ The collaborative environment in my workplace really motivates me to continue my work.

Word choice: 'work further' is awkward; 'continue my work' or 'carry on with my research' is more natural. Grammar otherwise fine.

× You don't know what you will get as results and whether your results are right or wrong.

✓ You don't know what results you will get or whether they will be right or wrong.

Word order and pronoun clarity: move 'results' earlier and replace repetitive 'your results' with 'they' for smoother sentence.

× But having collaborative friends and motivating friends are very essential, which I have in my lab.

✓ But having collaborative and motivating colleagues is essential, and I have such people in my lab.

Noun choice and agreement: 'friends' -> 'colleagues' fits workplace; combine adjectives 'collaborative and motivating'. Use singular verb 'is' for the gerund phrase 'having... is essential'. Replace comma + which with a clear coordinating clause.

× Yes, my uh Sir tries to provide every possible resources he can that is useful for the research.

✓ Yes, my supervisor tries to provide every possible resource that is useful for the research.

Article and number: 'resource' should be singular after 'every'. Remove filler 'uh' and 'Sir' (capitalization). Use 'supervisor' for formality and correct relative clause 'that is useful'.

× Also, the colleagues have a very collaborative and friendly mentality which makes the work easier the team.

✓ Also, my colleagues have a very collaborative and friendly mentality, which makes the work easier for the team.

Preposition missing: add 'for' before 'the team' and include possessive 'my colleagues' for clarity. Add comma before 'which'.

× Currently, I am planning to pursue my PhD from an abroad university.

✓ Currently, I am planning to pursue my PhD at a university abroad.

Preposition choice: use 'at a university abroad' or 'at an overseas university' rather than 'from an abroad university'. Keep present continuous 'am planning' for near-future intention.

× I would like to work for the industry after I complete my PhD.

✓ I would like to work in industry after I complete my PhD.

Preposition and article: say 'work in industry' (no 'the') for general career field. Tense 'would like' + 'after I complete' is appropriate.