工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make the answer more natural, concise and grammatically correct. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy and incorrect collocations (e.g., “scientific back diet plan”, “cure” for chronic conditions).

範例: I'm a self-employed dietitian and I've worked in this field for over ten years. I run a private clinic where I create evidence-based diet plans to manage patients' metabolic conditions, which I find both motivating and rewarding.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence about location, then add one or two specific reasons using linking words. Use simpler, correct phrases (e.g., “next to my house”, “manage family and work”) and avoid repetition.

範例: I work from a private clinic next to my house. This location is convenient because it helps me balance family responsibilities—I'm a mother of three—while still seeing patients regularly.

建議: Answer directly, then give two clear supporting points with linking words. Improve grammar and cohesion, avoid fillers like “uh,” and be specific about the benefits of the greenery.

範例: Yes, it's a great place to work. First, I designed the clinic to suit my needs and responsibilities; second, about 40% of the grounds are green space, which creates a calm, therapeutic atmosphere for both me and my patients.

建議: Respond succinctly with a topic sentence, then give two specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., “it gives me”, “both my personal and professional life”) and avoid vague phrases like “all the kind of facilities.”

範例: Yes, I love my workplace because it gives me the flexibility to balance both my personal and professional life. In addition, the clinic is well-equipped with the facilities I need to provide quality care without worrying about logistics.

建議: Give a clear, realistic plan starting with a topic sentence, then specify which initiatives and a timeline. Avoid mixed metaphors and unclear expressions (e.g., “fit and heavy”, “perform with power”). Use linking words for structure.

範例: In the next two to three years I plan to complete several professional initiatives, such as expanding my patient programs and launching an online nutrition course. After that, I intend to resume rifle shooting as a hobby to maintain my fitness and focus.

× It has been almost more than a decade since I am in this field.

✓ It has been almost more than a decade since I have been in this field.

Mixes present perfect continuous idea with incorrect present tense 'I am'. Use present perfect 'have been' after 'since' to show an action/state that started in the past and continues to the present. Suggestion: use 'I have been in this field for almost more than a decade' or better 'for almost a decade'.

× I prepare scientific back diet plan to cure my patients metabolic disorders with the miracle of food science.

✓ I prepare scientific, evidence-based diet plans to treat my patients' metabolic disorders using the science of food.

Multiple issues: 'plan' should be plural 'plans' to match general statement; 'scientific back' is incorrect phrase — use 'evidence-based'; 'cure' is less appropriate than 'treat' for medical conditions; 'patients metabolic disorders' needs possessive apostrophe (patients') and plural agreement. Suggestion: use clear noun phrases and possessive punctuation.

× I'm self-employed and my clinic is just next to my house, so it is far more convenient to go there and manage both personal as well as professional responsibilities because being a mother of three it is quite hard for me to take care of all the things.

✓ I'm self-employed and my clinic is just next to my house, so it is much more convenient to go there and manage both personal and professional responsibilities, because as a mother of three it is quite hard for me to take care of everything.

Use 'next to' is fine, but 'far more' is awkward; 'much more convenient' is natural. 'both personal as well as professional' should be 'both personal and professional'. 'Being a mother of three' more naturally 'as a mother of three'. 'all the things' should be 'everything'. Suggestion: simplify prepositional phrases and use parallel conjunction 'and'.

× So that's why I decided to have clinic just next to my house.

✓ So that's why I decided to have a clinic just next to my house.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before singular countable noun 'clinic'. Suggestion: include 'a' when referring to one clinic: 'have a clinic'.

× Definitely, it is an incredible place, First, I designed it myself after considering all my priorities as well as responsibilities and secondly, almost 40% of land is dedicated to greenery, that's why it is quite therapeutic.

✓ Definitely, it is an incredible place. First, I designed it myself after considering all my priorities and responsibilities. Secondly, almost 40% of the land is dedicated to greenery, so it is quite therapeutic.

Run-on sentence and comma splices: separate ideas into sentences. 'as well as' can be simplified to 'and' for parallelism. '40% of land' needs 'the' before 'land'. Use 'so' instead of comma + 'that's why'. Suggestion: split into clear sentences and use articles correctly.

× Uh, I as well as my patient enjoy.

✓ Uh, my patients and I enjoy it as well.

Incorrect word order and singular/plural mismatch: 'my patient' singular conflicts with earlier meaning; natural order is 'my patients and I'. Add object 'it' to complete the verb 'enjoy'. Suggestion: maintain parallel pronoun order and include object.

× First of all it give me freedom to manage my both personal and professional life and 2nd it has all the kind of facilities as well as amenities where I can do my task without worrying about anything.

✓ First of all, it gives me the freedom to manage both my personal and professional life, and secondly, it has all kinds of facilities and amenities where I can do my work without worrying about anything.

Subject-verb agreement: 'it give' should be 'it gives' (third person singular). 'my both personal and professional life' should be 'both my personal and professional life' for correct word order. 'all the kind of' is incorrect; use 'all kinds of' or 'all the kinds of'. 'task' better as 'work'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and natural word order.

× I am wearing several hats and I really want to complete all those initiatives within two and three years.

✓ I am wearing several hats and I really want to complete all those initiatives within two to three years.

Phrase 'within two and three years' is unidiomatic; use 'within two to three years' or 'within two or three years'. 'Wearing several hats' is idiomatic and fine. Suggestion: use correct range expression.

× After that, I really want to return to my rifle shooting game to keep myself fit and heavy so that I can perform with power in the business field.

✓ After that, I really want to return to my rifle shooting practice to keep myself fit and strong so that I can perform effectively in the business field.

'Rifle shooting game' is awkward; 'rifle shooting practice' or 'shooting sport' is better. 'Fit and heavy' is incorrect collocation — 'fit and strong' is appropriate. 'Perform with power' is awkward; use 'perform effectively' or 'perform strongly'. Suggestion: choose collocations that match intended meaning.