工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Your answer gives the basic information but is overly grandiose and slightly unnatural ("the greatest"). Keep it simple and direct, with one clear topic sentence and one brief supporting detail. Avoid exaggeration and unnecessary adjectives. Use a natural phrase for your university and give a short reason or area of study to add relevant detail.

範例: I’m a student at Bowman Moscow State Technical University, where I study aerospace engineering. I enjoy the program because it gives me hands-on experience with aircraft design.

建議: The answer is unclear and long-winded. Start with a direct topic sentence (I don’t currently work; I study) then follow with a concise future plan using clear grammar. Use linking words like "but" or "however" and give a specific goal (e.g. work on aircraft maintenance or design).

範例: I don’t have a job at the moment because I’m a student, but in the future I want to work with aircraft. Specifically, I hope to become an aircraft maintenance engineer to improve plane safety and performance.

建議: The response is vague and repetitive. Answer directly (Yes, it is a good place) and then give one or two specific reasons, connected with linking words (because, for example). Avoid vague phrases like "incredible things" and be concise.

範例: Yes, it’s a good place to work because the department has modern laboratories and experienced instructors, which inspire me to learn and develop practical skills.

建議: This reply is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Start with a clear statement (Yes, I would) and explain why using specific details. Use linking words such as "because" or "so" and replace vague words like "imagines" with "ideas" or "plans."

範例: Yes, I would. I expect to gain practical experience working with aircraft, which will help me reach my career goals and improve my technical skills.

建議: The answer is repetitive, filled with hesitations and unclear phrases. Provide a structured response: one clear topic sentence about your main goal, then 1–2 specific steps you will take (internship, further study, certification) using linking words like "first" and "then." Avoid filler words (uh, like) and informal words like "youthful things."

範例: My goal is to work in the aviation industry. First, I plan to complete internships at airlines or maintenance companies, and then I will pursue certifications in aircraft maintenance to build my qualifications.

× Actually, I'm a student at the greatest Technical University in Russia called Bowman Moscow State Technical University.

✓ Actually, I'm a student at the great Moscow State Technical University named Bowman.

The original uses 'the greatest' which is a subjective superlative and awkward here; 'great' is more natural. Also 'the greatest Technical University in Russia called Bowman Moscow State Technical University' has article and word order issues. Use 'Moscow State Technical University' as the established name and place the name 'Bowman' as a modifier. Use 'a student at the great Moscow State Technical University named Bowman' to correct article and name placement. Suggestion: Use established institution names in normal order and avoid unnecessary superlatives.

× Like I said before, I work as a student now, but in the future is my goal that I have set it before is to be with the planes, do whatever I will do to planes to there to improve it.

✓ Like I said before, I am a student now, but my goal for the future, which I set earlier, is to work with airplanes and improve them.

Multiple agreement and structure problems: 'I work as a student now' is acceptable but 'I am a student now' matches typical usage. Phrases 'in the future is my goal that I have set it before' contain redundant pronouns and incorrect word order. Use a relative clause 'which I set earlier' and correct verb agreement 'is to work' and use 'airplanes' (plural) to match 'them'. Simplify and clarify purpose with infinitive phrase 'to work with airplanes and improve them.' Suggestion: Keep subject and verb close, avoid redundant pronouns, and match plural nouns to plural references.

× Absolutely, yes. And the third thing that springs to my mind is a beautiful place where you find a plenty of different incredible things that inspire you to be there and work there.

✓ Absolutely. The third thing that springs to my mind is that it is a beautiful place where you find many incredible things that inspire you to be and work there.

Errors: 'a plenty of' is incorrect; use 'plenty of' or 'many'. 'A beautiful place' fine but sentence needs rephrasing for clarity. Remove duplicate 'and' and use 'inspire you to be and work there.' Replace 'a plenty of different incredible things' with 'many incredible things.' Suggestion: Use 'many' or 'plenty of' (without 'a') and avoid redundant words.

× Of course I would and and different situations. I will improve these imagines that I have.

✓ Of course I would in different situations. I will improve the ideas that I have.

The original has doubled 'and and' and 'different situations' is disconnected. 'Imagines' is incorrect; the intended noun is 'images' or more likely 'ideas.' Rephrase to 'in different situations' and use 'ideas' or 'plans.' Suggestion: Remove duplicate words, ensure modifiers attach to appropriate clauses, and use correct nouns ('ideas' instead of 'imagines').

× OK, like I said before I have started, I have started my go to uh, work with uh, aircraft to improve myself to uh, to be with them and to do much more, uh, youthful things for it.

✓ OK, like I said before, I have started working with aircraft to improve myself, to be around them, and to do much more related work.

Problems: repeated 'I have started' is redundant; 'my go to' is incorrect. Use present perfect 'I have started working with aircraft' to show a begun action with present relevance. 'Be with them' is vague—use 'be around them' or 'work with them.' 'Youthful things for it' is unclear; replace with 'related work.' Suggestion: Use appropriate verb forms (present perfect + -ing), avoid fillers and repetitions, and choose precise nouns for clarity.