工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid tense errors (use present perfect correctly), reduce redundancy and keep within 3–4 sentences. Give one specific example of your work to make it concrete and natural. Use linking words (for example, because/so) if adding reasons.

範例: I am a self-employed professional dietitian and have worked in this field for almost ten years. My work is rewarding because I design evidence-based diet plans to help patients manage metabolic disorders. For example, I recently created a low-glycemic meal program that helped a patient improve their blood sugar control in three months.

建議: Make sentences shorter and correct small grammatical slips (article use, verb forms). Use one linking phrase to connect ideas (for example, so/therefore), and provide a specific detail about the clinic to enrich the answer. Avoid repetition (clinic mentioned many times).

範例: I work at my own clinic, which is next to my house, so commuting is very convenient and helps me balance work and family life. As a mother of three, being nearby allows me to look after my children between appointments when necessary.

建議: Improve fluency by removing fillers (umm) and repetitive connectors (moreover). Be specific and complete your sentences — finish the thought about what patients enjoy. Use clearer structure: topic sentence + two supporting details with a linking word. Correct grammar (e.g., 'as well as my patients', 'kinds of').

範例: Yes, it is an excellent place to work because it has modern facilities for both staff and patients. For instance, about 40% of the grounds are planted with decorative flowers, and the spacious reception area gives patients a comfortable place to wait.

建議: Be concise and avoid uncertain or confusing endings. State your opinion clearly, give two brief reasons, and finish with a clear concluding sentence. Correct phrasing (e.g., 'designed everything myself', 'future-oriented'). Remove vague conditional at the end.

範例: Yes, I would like to continue working at my clinic because it was my dream to design it and I personally planned all of the future-oriented features. I enjoy working there and hope to stay for many years.

建議: Provide a clearer plan with correct grammar and complete sentences. Start with a topic sentence stating your main career aim, then use linking words (after/in order to) to explain steps and a timeline. Finish the answer — avoid trailing off. Replace informal phrases ('wearing several hats') with clearer expressions.

範例: I plan to complete my current initiatives, such as expanding patient services and launching group nutrition workshops, within the next two to three years. After that, I want to return to competitive rifle shooting to stay fit and mentally sharp, which I believe will help my performance as a clinician and business owner.

× It has been almost a decade since I'm working in this field.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I started working in this field.

The phrase 'It has been almost a decade' requires a reference point in the past; 'since' should be followed by a past event or a point in time, not a present continuous clause. Use 'I started working' (simple past) after 'since' or use 'for' with a duration: 'I have been working in this field for almost a decade.' This keeps tense consistency and correct meaning.

× I'll prepare scientific bagged diet plan to cure my patients metabolic disorders.

✓ I prepare scientific, prepackaged diet plans to treat my patients' metabolic disorders.

Several issues: plural and possessive needed ('plans' and 'patients''); 'bagged' is awkward—'prepackaged' is more natural; 'cure' is too strong for many metabolic disorders, so 'treat' is more appropriate; use simple present for routine actions ('I prepare') or 'I will prepare' if future. Also add comma between adjectives 'scientific, prepackaged'.

× I work at my own clinic and my clinic is just next to my house, therefore it is far more convenient to go there and also balance my professional and personal life.

✓ I work at my own clinic, which is right next to my house; therefore it is much more convenient to go there and to balance my professional and personal life.

Use 'which is' to combine clauses and 'right next to' is idiomatic. Replace 'far more convenient' with 'much more convenient'. Add 'to' before 'balance' to maintain parallel infinitive structure. Punctuation revised for clarity.

× Because I am mother of three, sometimes I have to look after my kids also or bring them to my clinic, so it is the easiest way I can perform.

✓ Because I am a mother of three, sometimes I have to look after my children or bring them to my clinic, so it is the easiest arrangement for me.

Need article 'a' before 'mother'; 'kids' is informal—use 'children' in formal speech; 'also' placement is awkward and unnecessary; 'perform' is incorrect here—use 'arrangement for me' or 'solution for me'. This fixes noun phrases and word choice.

× Definitely yes, it has all the facilities for me as well As for my patient and it has lots of green space.

✓ Definitely yes; it has all the facilities for me as well as for my patients, and it has a lot of green space.

Use 'as well as' (not capitalized 'As'); 'patient' should be plural 'patients' to match meaning; 'lots of' is acceptable but 'a lot of' is more formal. Punctuation adjusted for clarity.

× Moreover, 40% land is dedicated for plants and different kind of decorative flowers and moreover the reception area is quite big umm where they can enjoy a good.

✓ Moreover, 40% of the land is dedicated to plants and various kinds of decorative flowers, and the reception area is quite large, where they can relax.

'40% land' requires 'of the land'; use 'dedicated to' not 'dedicated for'; 'different kind' should be 'various kinds' or 'different kinds'; 'big' -> 'large' is more formal; remove filler 'umm' and complete the final clause ('enjoy a good' is incomplete) by using 'relax' or similar.

× Definitely yes, first because it is my dream place and second because I have designed each and everything by myself which is future oriented and I love to work on this clinic for longer time but as I get mature my perspective change if I would like to.

✓ Definitely yes. First, it is my dream place, and second, I designed everything myself with a future-oriented approach. I would like to work in this clinic for a long time, but as I get older my perspective may change.

Use past simple 'designed' for completed action; 'each and everything' is awkward—'everything' suffices; 'future-oriented' hyphenated as adjective; 'work in this clinic' is correct preposition; 'for longer time' -> 'for a long time'; 'as I get mature' -> 'as I get older'; 'my perspective change if I would like to' is ungrammatical—use 'my perspective may change'. This addresses tense, articles, and clarity.

× I'm very ambitious person and wearing several hats already.

✓ I'm a very ambitious person and I am already wearing several hats.

Missing article 'a' before 'very ambitious person'; add subject 'I am' to the second clause for clarity and correct word order; 'already' typically comes before the verb phrase 'already wearing'.

× I really want to complete all the initiative within two and three years.

✓ I really want to complete all the initiatives within two to three years.

'all the initiative' should be plural 'all the initiatives'; 'within two and three years' is unidiomatic—use 'within two to three years' for a range.

× And after that I want to return to my game which was rifle shooting to keep myself fit and healthy, to perform at more optimum level in the business sector because.

✓ After that, I want to return to my sport, which was rifle shooting, to keep myself fit and healthy and to perform at a more optimal level in the business sector.

'game' is better as 'sport'; 'which was rifle shooting' is awkward but acceptable—commas improve clarity; 'more optimum' is nonstandard—use 'more optimal' or simply 'a higher' level; remove trailing 'because' or complete the reason. Use infinitive parallelism: 'to keep... and to perform...'.