工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Make the answer more concise, correct grammar and use a clear topic sentence followed by two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition and keep within 3–4 sentences. Also use correct verb forms (e.g., “I provide” not “I providing”).

範例: I work as a clinical dietitian and I also run an organization called Sports Tradition of India. In my clinic I create therapeutic diet plans for patients with metabolic disorders. Additionally, I teach nutrition to student athletes so they can improve performance and recovery.

建議: Start with a direct topic sentence, fix tense and phrasing, and use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., “because” or “so”). Keep details specific but concise — two or three sentences are enough.

範例: I run a private clinic close to my home, and I have been working there for almost ten years. I moved from the city to this semi-rural area so patients can visit comfortably, and I can provide a calm environment with good facilities.

建議: Be careful with word choice and sentence clarity. Give a clear opinion sentence, then two specific supporting reasons using linking words like “because” or “for example.” Remove unclear statements (e.g., “So nothing is possible”).

範例: Yes, it is a great place to work because the clinic is in a semi-rural area with lots of greenery. For example, the space includes parking, clean washrooms and a play area with swings, which makes visits comfortable for families.

建議: Give a clear yes/no topic sentence and correct grammar. Use linking words (“and,” “so,” “also”) appropriately and avoid contradictory or confusing phrases. Provide two concise, specific reasons why you like the place.

範例: Yes, I like my workplace because it is close to my home and surrounded by lots of green space. Also, I can offer amenities and a therapeutic environment where patients can relax and recover.

建議: Begin with a clear topic sentence about your main plan, fix grammar and use linking words (e.g., “because,” “so”). Keep it to two or three sentences and provide a specific reason and an example of how you would contribute as a lecturer.

範例: I plan to take a part-time position as a lecturer because I have over ten years of clinical experience. I want to teach aspiring dietitians and share practical case studies so they can start their careers with stronger clinical skills.

× I am a clinical dietitian by a profession.

✓ I am a clinical dietitian by profession.

The article 'a' before 'profession' is unnecessary in this fixed phrase. Native usage is 'by profession' without an article. Remove the extra 'a' to make the phrase idiomatic.

× I provide therapeutic diet chart to the patient who are suffering from metabolic disorder.

✓ I provide therapeutic diet charts to patients who are suffering from metabolic disorders.

Multiple issues: 'chart' should be plural because you provide charts to multiple patients; 'the patient' should be 'patients' for general reference; verb 'are' agrees with 'patients' already but sentence needed plural nouns; 'metabolic disorder' should be plural as a general category. Use plural nouns to match plural context.

× I also providing education to the students who are athletes so that they can get benefit of food and nutrition.

✓ I also provide education to students who are athletes so that they can benefit from food and nutrition.

After 'I' the base verb should be used, so 'providing' is incorrect here; use 'provide'. Also use 'benefit from' as the correct phrasal verb and omit 'the' before 'students' in general reference.

× I'm self-employed and I'm running my own private clinic.

✓ I'm self-employed and I run my own private clinic.

Present simple ('I run') is more appropriate for habitual actions or permanent situations than present continuous ('I'm running'). Use simple present to express that you operate the clinic regularly.

× It is just next to my house and it has been almost a decade since I'm working here.

✓ It is just next to my house, and I have been working here for almost a decade.

Use present perfect continuous ('have been working') to express an action that started in the past and continues to the present. 'Since' should be followed by a point in time, or use 'for' with a time period like 'for almost a decade'.

× I shifted from bustling city life to this semi rural area just to provide all the amenities to my patients so they can have comfortable visit in my clinic.

✓ I shifted from bustling city life to this semi-rural area just to provide all the amenities to my patients so they can have comfortable visits at my clinic.

Add hyphen in 'semi-rural'. 'Comfortable visit' should be plural 'comfortable visits' or 'a comfortable visit'; preposition 'at' (or 'in') is needed for 'clinic' but 'at my clinic' is more natural. The past tense 'shifted' is fine, but adjust noun forms and preposition.

× Definitely it is an astonishing place.

✓ It is definitely an astonishing place.

Adverb placement: 'definitely' typically precedes the adjective or the clause rather than starting the sentence; moving 'definitely' after 'it is' improves naturalness.

× Moreover, it is in semi rural area, has a huge biodiversity in terms of plants and flowers and being a spacious enough I have all kind of amenities like parking, washrooms, play area as well as some swings for the kids.

✓ Moreover, it is in a semi-rural area, has huge biodiversity in terms of plants and flowers, and being spacious enough, I have all kinds of amenities like parking, washrooms, a play area, and some swings for the kids.

Add article 'a' before 'semi-rural area'. Use hyphen in 'semi-rural'. 'Huge biodiversity' does not need 'a'. 'All kind' should be 'all kinds'. Add commas and 'a' before 'play area'. 'Being spacious enough' must be offset with commas.

× So nothing is possible.

✓ So everything is possible.

This sentence contradicts the intended positive meaning. The student likely meant to say that all needs are met, so 'everything is possible' or better 'so everything is provided' fits the context. Replace 'nothing' with 'everything' to match intent.

× Definitely it is very close to me and it has a huge green space and moreover I can offer all kind of amenities to the to my patient.

✓ It is very close to me and has a large green space; moreover, I can offer all kinds of amenities to my patients.

Remove redundant 'definitely' at start, change 'huge' to 'large' for style, fix 'all kind' to 'all kinds', remove extra 'to', and change 'patient' to plural 'patients' for general reference.

× So in this way I'm not treating them well, but also providing an A therapeutic environment where they can spend some time to get healed themselves by.

✓ So in this way I'm not only treating them well, but also providing a therapeutic environment where they can spend time to heal.

The original has word order errors and extra words. Use the correlative pair 'not only... but also'. 'A therapeutic' should be lowercase 'a therapeutic'. 'Get healed themselves by' is ungrammatical; use 'spend time to heal' or 'recover'.

× I'm very ambitious person although I'm running my clinical successfully but I really want to do part time job as a lecturer because over the decade I have gained huge experience.

✓ I'm a very ambitious person; although I'm successfully running my clinic, I would really like to do a part-time job as a lecturer because over the decade I have gained extensive experience.

Add article 'a' before 'very ambitious person'. 'Clinical' should be 'clinic'. Use commas and connectors properly: 'although' clause should be followed by a comma and not combined with 'but'. Use 'would like' for polite desire. 'Part-time' needs hyphen and 'extensive' is a better adjective than 'huge'.

× I really want to pass on this information to the budding dietitian so they can do well in their career early as.

✓ I really want to pass on this information to budding dietitians so they can do well in their careers early on.

Use plural 'dietitians' and 'careers' to match 'they'. 'Budding' used without 'the' is fine. 'Early as' is ungrammatical; use 'early on' to indicate an early start in their careers.