工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Give a clear direct topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm) and incomplete phrases. Limit to 2-4 concise sentences: state your job, mention the organization briefly, and summarize your main duties with one or two specific details. Use linking words if needed.

範例: I am a clinical dietitian and I also run an organization called Sports Dietitian of India. I provide dietary consultations and create diet plans for patients with metabolic disorders, and I have been doing this for about ten years.

建議: Start with a direct answer then add specific supporting details. Correct grammar (e.g., 'I am self-employed' and 'I run') and avoid repetition. Use linking words (for example, 'also' or 'in addition') to connect activities.

範例: I am self-employed and I work at my private clinic, which is next to my house. In addition to consultations, I organize public-health nutrition camps and sometimes visit schools and universities to educate people about healthy eating.

建議: Answer directly and avoid vague or incomplete sentences. Use specific reasons and concrete details (e.g., what amenities, why green space helps). Keep to 2-3 sentences and use linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

範例: Yes, it is a great place to work because it has plenty of green space and all the amenities I need to treat patients comfortably. The clinic layout also lets me run consultations and small group sessions easily.

建議: Be concise and avoid repeating points. Provide a clear topic sentence stating you like it, then 1–2 specific reasons (designed it yourself; close to home; peaceful environment). Use sequencing words correctly (first, second).

範例: Yes, I like the place very much. I designed the clinic myself, it’s next to my house in my hometown, and its semi-rural location gives a peaceful, green environment for patients.

建議: Start with a clear statement of your plan (part-time teaching and writing). Correct unclear phrases ('wedding dietitians' likely 'new dietitians') and avoid redundancy. Give specific steps or timeframes and use linking words like 'also' or 'in addition'.

範例: I plan to become a part-time lecturer to share the practical knowledge I’ve gained over ten years with new dietitians. In addition, I am writing a book to reach a wider audience and hope to build a community of peers and learners.

× I'm a clinical dietitian by profession.

✓ I'm a clinical dietitian by profession.

No correction needed; sentence is correct. (Kept for completeness.)

× Along with this, I am also running an organization UH, which is Sports Dietitian of India, Umm.

✓ Along with this, I also run an organization, UH, which is Sports Dietitians of India.

Use simple present 'run' instead of progressive for habitual action (present tense issue - ID 6). Change 'Sports Dietitian of India' to plural 'Sports Dietitians of India' because an organization name representing many professionals should be plural (singular and plural issue - ID 1). Remove filler 'Umm'.

× During my work, I am providing dietary consultations as well as diet chart for the patient who are suffering from metabolic disorders.

✓ In my work, I provide dietary consultations as well as a diet chart for patients who are suffering from metabolic disorders.

Use simple present 'provide' for habitual actions (present tense issue - ID 6). Use article 'a' before 'diet chart' (article error - ID 22). Use plural 'patients' to match 'who are' (singular and plural issue - ID 1). 'During my work' is awkward; 'In my work' is clearer.

× I have a decade.

✓ I have been practicing for a decade.

Original is incomplete and awkward (sentence structure error - ID 26). Specify what 'a decade' refers to and use present perfect progressive 'have been practicing' to indicate an action continuing to present (present tense issue - ID 6).

× Being a self-employed I work at my clinic only which is just next to my house.

✓ Being self-employed, I work at my clinic, which is just next to my house.

Remove article before 'self-employed' ('a self-employed' is incorrect) (incorrect use of adjectives/pronouns - ID 12/13). Add commas for clarity and remove 'only' or place it appropriately; here it's redundant.

× It has been almost a decade since I'm running this clinic and I'm also organization many camps regarding public health nutrition.

✓ It has been almost a decade since I started running this clinic, and I also organize many camps about public health nutrition.

Use 'since I started' with present perfect structure 'has been ... since' (there is issue with tense combination - IDs 5 and 6). 'I'm also organization' is incorrect; use 'I also organize' (verb form error - ID 8). Use 'about' or 'on' instead of 'regarding' for natural collocation (preposition issue - ID 11).

× Sometimes I go to the schools and university to aware people regarding food and nutrition.

✓ Sometimes I go to schools and universities to raise awareness about food and nutrition.

Use plural 'schools and universities' for general meaning (singular/plural - ID 1). 'To aware people' is incorrect; use 'to raise awareness' or 'to make people aware' (verb form/phrase error - ID 8). Use 'about' instead of 'regarding' for natural collocation (preposition issue - ID 11).

× Definitely, it is incredible place, moreover it has lot of green space as well as all the amenities that I can provide to the patients as well As for me to perform each and every task comfortably.

✓ Definitely, it is an incredible place; moreover, it has a lot of green space as well as all the amenities that allow me to provide for my patients and to perform every task comfortably.

Add article 'an' before 'incredible place' (article error - ID 22). Add 'a' before 'lot' (article error). Improve sentence structure and parallelism: 'allow me to provide for my patients and to perform every task comfortably' instead of awkward phrasing (sentence structure error - ID 26).

× Moreover it is sufficient enough to accommodate a good.

✓ Moreover, it is big enough to accommodate many patients comfortably.

Original is incomplete and unclear ('accommodate a good' is wrong) (sentence structure error - ID 26). Use 'big enough' or 'sufficient' with a clear object and adjust to plural 'patients' (singular/plural issue - ID 1).

× Definitely first and foremost I architected all by myself and secondly it is in my hometown and to be more specific it is just next to my house and subsequently it is easy to go there and secondly it it is located in semi rural area so I have a lot of green space as well.

✓ Definitely. First and foremost, I designed it myself. Secondly, it is in my hometown, just next to my house, so it is easy to get to. Also, it is located in a semi-rural area, so I have a lot of green space.

'Architected' is not used this way; use 'designed' (word choice). Split long run-on sentence into several sentences for clarity (conjunction and sentence structure errors - IDs 16 and 26). Add article 'a' before 'semi-rural area' (article error - ID 22). Remove repeated 'secondly' and fix repetition.

× I really want to go in teaching profession as part time because I have incredible experience during this 10 years and really want to pass all the knowledge I have gained during my clinical hours to the wedding dietitians.

✓ I really want to go into the teaching profession part-time because I have gained valuable experience over the past ten years and want to pass on the knowledge I have gained during my clinical work to new dietitians.

Use 'go into the teaching profession' (preposition and phrase choice - ID 11). 'Part-time' is the correct form. Use 'over the past ten years' instead of 'during this 10 years' (tense/phrasing - ID 6). 'Wedding dietitians' is likely wrong; 'new dietitians' or 'would-be dietitians' is clearer (word choice/pronoun - ID 12). 'Pass on' is the correct verb phrase.

× And I really want to express my idea by writing a book and which is I am currently working on also being a teacher.

✓ I also want to express my ideas by writing a book, which I am currently working on, and by being a teacher.

Reorder and fix relative clause: 'which I am currently working on' follows 'book' (sentence structure - ID 26). Use plural 'ideas' or 'my idea' consistently. Add 'by being a teacher' for parallel structure (verb form/parallelism - ID 10).

× I really want to gather a community.

✓ I really want to build a professional community.

'Gather a community' is understandable but not natural; 'build a professional community' is clearer and more idiomatic (sentence structure/word choice - ID 26).