工作— Part 1 評分報告

建議: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one supporting detail (what you study and that you work part-time). Correct articles and verb forms, avoid redundant phrases like “this is all about me.” Use linking words if needed.

範例: I am an international student studying early childhood education, and I also work part-time as a security guard. I study because I want to become an early childhood educator, and I work to gain experience and support myself while I study.

建議: Avoid repetition and long sentences. Give a concise topic sentence naming the company and role, then one or two specific reasons why you like it. Use varied vocabulary and linking words like “because” or “so”.

範例: I work as a part-time security guard for RVS Security. I enjoy the job because it gives me practical experience in safety procedures and helps me develop responsibility and communication skills for my future career.

建議: Make sentences grammatically correct and avoid unclear phrases. Start with a clear opinion, then give two specific reasons with linking words (for example, “first,” “also”). Check tense and negatives (e.g., “never give me headache” should be “never gives me headaches”). Finish sentences fully.

範例: Yes, it is a good place to work. First, my colleagues are very supportive and friendly, and second, the schedule is flexible so it does not clash with my studies. My employer is also fair and respectful, which makes the workplace comfortable.

建議: Be concise and correct word choice. Replace unclear words (“coin-hearted”, “sporty person”) with appropriate adjectives (“kind”, “supportive”). Use linking words like “because” and “also” and correct verb forms (“supports”, “never delays”). Avoid repeating previously stated points too much.

範例: Yes, I feel like my workplace is like a second family because my coworkers are kind and supportive. My employer is also helpful and trustworthy—he supports me during difficult times and always pays my salary on time.

建議: Provide a clear, grammatically correct statement of future plans and one or two specific details about why and how. Use correct article usage and verb forms (e.g., “be an early childhood educator”, “help children”). Avoid ending abruptly with “that’s all.”

範例: In the future, I would like to become an early childhood educator because I enjoy working with young children. I am currently studying early childhood education, and I hope to support children’s development and help guide their behavior through positive teaching methods.

× Currently I am a international student of early childhood education.

✓ Currently I am an international student of early childhood education.

Use 'an' before words that begin with a vowel sound (here 'international' begins with a vowel sound). Replace 'a' with 'an' to be grammatically correct.

× Simultaneously I am working a part time job which is a security job and this is all about me.

✓ Simultaneously I am working a part-time job which is a security job, and this is all about me.

Use the article 'a' with 'part-time job' and hyphenate 'part-time' when used as an adjective. Also add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' joining independent clauses.

× I am working in a security company and the name of that security company is RVS Security.

✓ I work for a security company called RVS Security.

For habitual or current employment, simple present 'I work' is more natural than continuous. Use 'work for' a company and 'called' is a concise way to name it.

× I am working as a part time security guard in that company and I really like my job because I have a strong interest in this field and I really like to gain some experience and to move forward in this field.

✓ I work as a part-time security guard at that company, and I really like my job because I have a strong interest in this field. I want to gain experience and move forward in this career.

Use 'part-time' with a hyphen and 'work as' with simple present for regular job. Use 'at' for location. Avoid repeating phrases; use parallel infinitives without extra 'to' (e.g., 'gain experience and move forward'). Split long run-on sentence into clearer sentences.

× Yes, my workplace is very good to work because of ample of reason behind it.

✓ Yes, my workplace is a very good place to work because of several reasons.

'Ample of reason' is incorrect; use 'several reasons' or 'an ample number of reasons'. Also include an article 'a' before 'very good place' and use 'place to work' for clarity.

× The firstly colleagues are very supportive, kind hearted and optimistic.

✓ Firstly, my colleagues are very supportive, kind-hearted, and optimistic.

'The firstly' is incorrect. Use 'Firstly' as a discourse marker and include the possessive 'my' for colleagues. Hyphenate 'kind-hearted' and add commas in a list.

× What is more, I like the schedule of my job.

✓ What is more, I like my job schedule.

The original is acceptable but can be more natural as 'my job schedule'. No tense change needed; this is a style suggestion to improve fluency.

× It is not my job never give me headache regarding my time schedule.

✓ My job never gives me a headache regarding my schedule.

The original contains a double negative and wrong verb form. Use simple present 'gives' for habitual action and avoid double negatives ('not' and 'never'). 'Time schedule' is better as 'schedule'.

× My employer is also very.

✓ My employer is also very supportive.

The original is an incomplete sentence lacking a complement. Add an adjective like 'supportive' to complete the idea.

× Yes, I always treat my workplace as in my family because I already mentioned that all the coworkers are very coin-hearted and supportive.

✓ Yes, I always treat my workplace as part of my family because I mentioned that all the coworkers are very kind-hearted and supportive.

Use 'as part of my family' rather than 'as in my family'. Correct spelling 'coin-hearted' to 'kind-hearted'. Remove unnecessary 'already' or place it properly.

× Apart from it, my employer is also very sporty person.

✓ Apart from that, my employer is also a very energetic person.

'Sporty person' is odd in this context; 'energetic' or 'supportive' is more natural. Include article 'a' before 'very energetic person' and replace 'Apart from it' with 'Apart from that'.

× He always support me in my tough times, he never delay my salary.

✓ He always supports me in my tough times, and he never delays my salary.

Third person singular requires 'supports' and 'delays'. Also connect the clauses with 'and' and use commas correctly.

× He always so respect my work.

✓ He always respects my work a lot.

'Always so respect' is ungrammatical. Use 'respects' for third person and place adverbial phrase 'a lot' after the verb or use 'shows great respect for my work' for a stronger alternative.

× Well, in future I would like to be do work as a early childhood educator because I really like this field.

✓ Well, in the future I would like to work as an early childhood educator because I really like this field.

Remove unnecessary 'be' and use 'work as' for the profession. Use article 'an' before 'early' and include 'in the' for 'in the future'.

× Currently I am enrolled in early childhood education so I would like to be early childhood education in future and support children guide their behavior, that's all.

✓ Currently I am enrolled in early childhood education, so I would like to be an early childhood educator in the future and help guide children's behavior.

Use 'an early childhood educator' instead of 'be early childhood education'. Add 'the' in 'in the future'. Use 'help guide children's behavior' and make 'children's' possessive. Replace comma splice with proper punctuation and phrasing.