分享— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more natural, concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g. 'let the other two pray').

示例: Yes. My parents taught me to share with my younger brother. For example, we only had one game console, so we took turns playing and agreed on a timer so each of us had equal time.

建议: Fix grammar and word choice, keep answers within 3–4 sentences, and be specific. Use linking words to connect ideas and give a clear reason and example.

示例: I like to share food with others because it lets me try a wider variety of dishes. For instance, when I eat out with friends, we order several dishes to taste different flavors, which is more enjoyable than ordering just one dish alone.

建议: Use correct vocabulary and grammar, start with a topic sentence, then give specific reasons and one short example. Replace incorrect words like 'shelling', 'landing' and 'positions' with 'sharing' and 'items'.

示例: I avoid sharing valuable items such as my laptop or jewelry because they are expensive and easy to damage or lose. For example, I never lend my laptop to classmates since it contains personal files and I worry about accidental damage.

建议: Clarify details and correct factual errors (e.g. 'he was in Argentina' is confusing). Give a concise topic sentence and one specific detail about why you shared and how the other person reacted.

示例: Yes. Recently I lent a pencil to a classmate who had forgotten his. We were in class and I noticed he couldn't write, so I gave him my pencil and he thanked me and returned it after class.

建议: Use correct grammar and a clear structure: state the person, give specific reasons using linking words, and keep it concise. Replace awkward phrasing like 'to pay back to him'.

示例: I would tell my best friend first because he always supports and encourages me. For example, he helped me prepare for interviews, so I want him to celebrate with me when I have good news.

建议: Be specific, correct grammar and use linking words. Start with a topic sentence, list a few concrete examples, and explain briefly why you share such news. Remove unclear sentences like 'The lady being that would inspire them as well.'

示例: I usually share positive news with my friends, such as passing exams, getting a new job, or receiving a promotion. I share these moments because I want to celebrate with them and hopefully inspire them to pursue their goals as well.

× Yes, my parents taught me to share with my brother when I was a child. Because we had only one game console, either of us had to keep up playing the video games and let the other two pray.

✓ Yes, my parents taught me to share with my brother when I was a child because we had only one game console; one of us had to take turns playing the video games and let the other wait.

Problems: sentence fragment and wrong word choice. 'Because' began a sentence creating a fragment; it should join the previous sentence. 'Either of us had to keep up playing' is awkward—use 'one of us had to take turns playing' to express alternating turns. 'Let the other two pray' is incorrect word choice; 'wait' expresses the intended meaning. Suggestion: combine clauses correctly and use appropriate verbs and phrases for taking turns and waiting.

× I like to share foods with others because it enables me to enjoy a variety of foods. If I die not alone, I can only one menu, but if I die out with a number of people, I can order multiple foods.

✓ I like to share food with others because it enables me to enjoy a greater variety. If I am not alone, I would be limited to one dish, but if I go out with a group, I can order multiple dishes.

Problems: incorrect word choice and quantifiers. 'Foods' is usually uncountable when speaking generally—use 'food' or 'dishes.' 'A variety of foods' is acceptable but 'a greater variety' is more natural. Phrases 'If I die not alone' and 'die out' are incorrect; correct is 'if I am not alone' and 'go out.' 'One menu' is incorrect—use 'one dish' or 'one option.' Use conditional tense consistency: 'would be limited' and 'can order' fit context. Suggestion: use correct uncountable/ countable nouns (food/dish/dishes) and proper verbs for going out and being alone.

× I avoid shelling valuable positions such as my laptops and jewelries because they are expensive and easy to lose or damage. In order to mitigate the risks of losing them, I avoid landing it or shelling with it with others.

✓ I avoid sharing valuable items such as my laptop and jewelry because they are expensive and easy to lose or damage. To reduce the risk of losing them, I avoid lending them or sharing them with others.

Problems: multiple wrong words and pluralization. 'Shelling' and 'landing' are incorrect—use 'sharing' and 'lending.' 'Positions' is wrong—use 'items.' 'Laptops' can be plural if you mean more than one, but likely 'my laptop' is singular; 'jewelries' is incorrect—use 'jewelry' (uncountable). Pronoun agreement: use 'them' for plural items. Suggestion: use correct verbs 'share'/'lend', correct noun forms 'items' and 'jewelry', and correct pronouns.

× I recently lent a pencil to a friend who had forgotten his. We were in class and he was in Argentina, so I kindly gave him mine and he was really grateful.

✓ I recently lent a pencil to a friend who had forgotten his. We were in class and he had forgotten it, so I kindly gave him mine and he was really grateful.

Problems: inconsistent and illogical time/place reference. Saying 'We were in class and he was in Argentina' is contradictory. Likely intended 'he had forgotten it.' Keep past perfect 'had forgotten' for earlier action, and simple past 'lent' for main action. Suggestion: ensure logical and consistent tense and factual coherence.

× I'd like to share my good news with my best friend first because he always supports me, my activities and encouraging me. So in order to pay back to him, I would like to let him know first.

✓ I'd like to share my good news with my best friend first because he always supports me, encourages my activities, and motivates me. So, to repay him, I would like to tell him first.

Problems: incorrect verb forms and awkward pronoun/phrase usage. 'Supports me, my activities and encouraging me' mixes nouns and verb forms; revise to parallel structure: 'supports me, encourages my activities, and motivates me.' 'Pay back to him' is unidiomatic—use 'repay him.' Suggestion: maintain parallel structure in lists and use correct phrasal verbs.

× I usually share good news with my friends, such as passing the exam, getting a new position or getting promoted. I'd like to share my happy moments and convey my excitements to others. The lady being that would inspire them as well.

✓ I usually share good news with my friends, such as passing an exam, getting a new job, or being promoted. I'd like to share my happy moments and convey my excitement to others because that might inspire them as well.

Problems: article and word choice errors. Use 'an exam' or 'the exam' depending on context; 'a new position' is better as 'a new job.' 'Getting promoted' can be 'being promoted.' 'Excitements' is incorrect—use 'excitement' (uncountable). The sentence 'The lady being that would inspire them as well' is ungrammatical and unclear; replace with 'because that might inspire them as well.' Suggestion: choose correct articles, use uncountable forms where appropriate, and ensure sentences express clear meaning.