自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 先直接回答问题，再用一两个细节解释即可。注意时态一致：讲童年经历时使用过去时，例如“other kids had bikes”。“I was so jealous”可以改为更自然的“I wanted one too”。后面关于花园的表达不够清楚，可说明花园适合骑车。避免“I was... So it is. It was...”这类重复和自我修正。

示例: Yes, I did. My mum bought me a bike when I was six because most of the other kids had one, and I wanted one too. We had a garden, so I had a safe place to practise riding it.

建议: 回答在比较句中途结束，因此需要补全观点。避免重复“it's”和“in”，并注意表达应为“ride bikes”，不是“write back”；“on campus”比“in the campus”自然。说明自行车受欢迎的具体原因或用途，并用完整句子表达比较；“go out for fun”或“go to a restaurant”可替代不自然的“go to out for fun”及“have a restaurant”。

示例: Yes, bikes are very popular in China, especially on university campuses. Many students ride them to class, to restaurants, or around campus for fun. They’re convenient and inexpensive, so they’re a common way to get around.

× When I was six years old, my mom bought me a bike because other kids all have the bike and I was so jealous.

✓ When I was six years old, my mom bought me a bike because all the other kids had bikes, and I was so jealous.

这段话描述的是过去发生的事情，因此应使用一般过去时。这里的“have”应改为“had”。此外，“其他孩子都有自行车”是泛指，应用复数“bikes”，而不是特指的“the bike”。

× And also we have a garden. So it is. It was a very good place for me.

✓ We also had a garden, so it was a very good place for me.

句子讲述童年经历，应使用过去时：“have”改为“had”，“is”改为“was”。“So it is”在这里不完整，而且与过去时态不一致；可与前后内容合并表达。

× I live in China and in in the campus all of the students they write back to go to class or go to out for fun or have a restaurant.

✓ I live in China, and on campus all of the students write back to go to class, go out for fun, or have a restaurant.

表示“在校园里”时通常说“on campus”，而不是“in the campus”。“go out”中的“out”不需要再加介词“to”，所以应删除“to”。

× I live in China and in in the campus all of the students they write back to go to class or go to out for fun or have a restaurant.

✓ I live in China, and on campus all of the students write back to go to class, go out for fun, or have a restaurant.

“all of the students they”重复出现了主语：名词短语“all of the students”后不应再接“they”。保留其中一个主语即可。此外，列举活动时应尽量使用平行结构。

× But I would say when I travel to other countries like Canada or America.

✓ But I would say that the situation is different when I travel to other countries like Canada or America.

原句以“when I travel...”引导时间从句，但没有完整的主句，因此句子意思没有说完。应补充主句，使句子结构完整。