自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer the question directly with a clear topic sentence, such as “Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.” Avoid unnatural expressions such as “when I was a son” and “bike always excited me”; use “when I was young” and “I was always excited about riding bikes” instead. Reduce repetition of “me along with my friends” and connect your details more smoothly with linking words such as “because” and “after that.” Also, say “on my birthday,” “my father gave me a bike,” and “after school” rather than “at my birthday,” “gifted me at my birthday,” and “after our school.”

示例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father gave it to me on my birthday, and I was always excited about riding it. After school and during the holidays, I used to go cycling with my friends around our neighborhood. It was a great way to have fun and spend time outdoors.

建议: Begin with a direct answer: “Yes, bikes are very popular in my country.” Avoid repetition such as “very, very” and incorrect phrases such as “in today’s and recent,” “many children’s,” and “the vlogs are really.” Explain popularity with specific, logically connected reasons: social-media influence, affordable transportation, exercise, or convenience. Use “children” as the plural noun, and finish your final idea clearly instead of leaving the sentence incomplete.

示例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially among children and young adults. Many people become interested in cycling after watching bloggers and vloggers share their experiences online. In addition, bikes are affordable and convenient for short journeys, so a lot of people hope to own one. Consequently, cycling has become a common hobby and form of transportation.

× bike always excited me when I was a son and in this age as well

✓ Bikes always excited me when I was a child, and I still enjoy them nowadays.

A singular countable noun such as bike normally needs an article, but bikes is more natural here because you are speaking about bikes in general. The phrase in this age is also not grammatically appropriate for this meaning; nowadays or today is better.

× me along with my friends, we all got a bike

✓ My friends and I all had bikes.

Me is an object pronoun and cannot be used as the subject of a clause. Use the subject pronouns my friends and I. Also, using we after my friends and I creates an unnecessary repetition of the subject.

× my father gifted me at my birthday

✓ My father gave me one for my birthday.

For my birthday is the appropriate prepositional phrase when explaining the occasion for a present. The verb gave is also more natural than gifted in this context.

× me along with my friends, we used to go on a ride every day

✓ My friends and I used to go for a ride every day.

The subject should be my friends and I, not me. In addition, the natural expression is go for a ride rather than go on a ride in this context.

× Yes, of course, bike always excited me when I was a son and in this age as well when I was a child, me along with my friends, we all got a bike that uh, for me, my father gifted me at my birthday and me along with my friends, we used to go on a ride every day after our school and on holidays.

✓ Yes, of course. Bikes always excited me when I was a child, and I still enjoy them nowadays. My father gave me a bike for my birthday, and my friends and I used to go for a ride every day after school and during the holidays.

The original sentence contains several clauses joined together without clear sentence boundaries. Breaking it into shorter sentences makes the subject, verb, and main ideas easier to follow. Avoid long run-on sentences in speaking by using full stops and simple conjunctions.

× many children's are, you know, influenced by the videos

✓ Many children are influenced by videos.

Children is already the plural form of child, so it cannot take the plural ending s. The correct form is many children, not many children's. Videos is used without the definite article when referring to videos generally.

× Well, yes, of course, bikes are very, very popular, uh, in today's and recent in my country, as many bloggers are starting to ride bikes and many children's are, you know, influenced by the videos. So everyone hopes to get their own bikes so that it's very common and the vlogs are really.

✓ Well, yes, of course. Bikes are very popular in my country these days because many bloggers have started riding them, and many children are influenced by their videos. As a result, many people want to have their own bikes, so cycling has become very common and bike-related vlogs are really popular.

The original response contains incomplete and poorly connected clauses, especially in today's and recent and the vlogs are really. Use a complete phrase such as these days and ensure that the final adjective has a noun or complement, such as really popular. Dividing the response into clear sentences also improves sentence structure.