自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer more directly and avoid repeating the same idea in “when I was very young” and “when I was a child.” Use natural phrasing such as “a precious gift from my father” instead of the passive and awkward phrase “a precious gift which was given to me.” The sentence beginning “although” is grammatically incomplete and unclear, and the answer ends abruptly. Give one or two specific details, such as the bike’s colour or how often you rode it, and use a clear linking word such as “Although” or “Because.”

示例: Yes, I had a bike when I was five years old. It was a precious gift from my father, even though it was quite expensive at the time. I used to ride it around my neighbourhood every afternoon, so it became one of my favourite childhood possessions.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence and support it with a specific reason or example. Replace “few bikes” with “some bikes” or “some bicycles,” depending on your meaning; “few” suggests that only a small number exist. Avoid the unnecessary phrase “or homo sapiens” and the unnatural expression “the fabulous invention which has been done by human beings.” Also, distinguish between bicycles, electric bikes, and motorbikes, and use a linking phrase such as “This is because” to make the answer more coherent.

示例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country, especially in crowded cities. Many people use bicycles and electric bikes because they are affordable and convenient for short journeys. They also help commuters avoid traffic and reduce pollution.

× although according to that particular time, it was a bit expensive

✓ Although at that particular time it was a bit expensive

At is the appropriate preposition for referring to a specific time. According to is used to cite a person, source, or opinion, not a period of time.

× but then to my father just went ahead and he bought that particular bike for me

✓ But my father just went ahead and bought that particular bike for me

The preposition to is incorrect before my father. In addition, the subject my father should directly precede the verb bought. The repeated subject and conjunction are unnecessary.

× but then to my father just went ahead and he bought that particular bike for me

✓ But my father just went ahead and bought that particular bike for me

The original clause has an incorrect word order and an unnecessary repeated subject. Use the structure subject + verb + object: my father bought the bike.

× Now as he's known

✓ Now, as I recall, the bike was very useful to me

The original phrase is incomplete and does not express a clear meaning. As I recall is a suitable introductory phrase when describing something remembered from the past. A complete clause must follow it.

× few bikes run on battery, few bikes run on petrol

✓ A few bikes run on batteries, and a few run on petrol

A few means some, which is more appropriate when giving examples. Few without a is usually used to emphasize that the number is small. The second noun phrase can be shortened because bikes is already understood.

× few bikes run on battery

✓ A few bikes run on batteries

Bikes generally use batteries, so the plural form batteries is more natural when speaking about this category in general.

× few bikes run on battery, few bikes run on petrol and I would say

✓ A few bikes run on batteries, a few run on petrol, and I would say

The original sentence joins several independent clauses with commas only. Adding and before the final clause creates a clearer grammatical connection between the ideas.

× that is the fabulous invention which has been done by human beings

✓ Bikes are fabulous inventions made by human beings

The definite article the is normally used for a specific invention already identified. Here, the speaker is making a general statement, so no definite article is needed. Also, made is the natural verb for describing who created an invention.

× the fabulous invention which has been done by human beings

✓ fabulous inventions made by human beings

The expression invention done is not natural English. Use made to describe something created by people. The past participle made forms the appropriate passive-style modifier.

× because it's a kind of an easy thing to commute from one place to another

✓ because they are an easy way to commute from one place to another

The phrase a kind of an easy thing uses two unnecessary and conflicting article structures. The natural expression is an easy way to commute. Because bikes is plural, they are is also more appropriate than it is.