自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer the question directly, then add one clear supporting detail. The response is too long and contains several grammatical problems, such as “I was being taught,” which should be “my father taught me,” and the unfinished phrase “about bravery being.” Avoid repeating “I was” and use linking words such as “At first” and “Eventually” to make the story more coherent. Give a specific result or memory to complete the answer.

示例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. At first, I was quite bad at riding it because I often lost my balance. My father taught me in our neighborhood, and eventually I became confident enough to ride on my own.

建议: The response has a clear opinion and relevant reasons, but it needs more natural grammar and word choice. “Filipinos fine bikes” should be “Filipinos find bikes,” and “find bikes more convenient” requires the adjective “more convenient.” Replace the awkward phrase “As someone coming from a developing country” with a more direct explanation, and use a linking word such as “Moreover.” Add a specific example of where or why people use bikes, while keeping the answer concise.

示例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in the Philippines. Many Filipinos find them convenient because they are cheaper to run, especially with rising fuel prices. Moreover, bikes are affordable and easy to maintain, so people often use them for commuting in crowded cities.

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child and back in the day I was really bad at riding it and one memorable experience was that I was being taught by my father and he taught me a lot about bravery being.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a child. Back in the day, I was really bad at riding it. One memorable experience was when my father taught me, and he taught me a lot about bravery.

The original response is a run-on sentence because several complete ideas are joined with and without proper punctuation. The phrase bravery being is also incomplete and does not form a grammatically complete expression. Separate the ideas into shorter sentences and use when my father taught me to describe the experience more naturally. In speaking, avoid connecting too many independent ideas with and.

× As someone coming from a developing country, Filipinos fine bikes, more convenient to use and not to mention the rising fuel prices.

✓ As someone from a developing country, I find bikes more convenient to use, especially with rising fuel prices.

The introductory phrase As someone refers to the speaker, so the subject that follows should be I, not Filipinos. Using Filipinos creates a mismatch between the introductory phrase and the main subject. Also, find is the appropriate verb here. Make sure that an introductory phrase logically describes the subject of the main clause.