自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Start with a clear answer and then add one or two specific details. Avoid repetition such as “in my childhood” and “very exciting.” Use natural expressions such as “my parents bought me a yellow bike,” “I often rode it around my neighborhood,” and “it was a memorable experience.” Also, keep the tense consistent: use the past tense when talking about your childhood.

示例: Yes, I did. My parents bought me a yellow bike when I was about six, and I often rode it around my neighborhood. It was a lot of fun because I could explore the area and spend time outdoors with my friends.

建议: Answer directly and explain why bikes are popular using accurate vocabulary. The phrase “competition from bikes” is unclear; use “cycling competitions” or “bike races” instead. Also, say “in Kazakhstan” rather than “in Kazakhstan’s country.” Add a specific example, such as cycling for transportation, exercise, or a well-known event, and connect your ideas with linking words like “because” or “in addition.”

示例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in Kazakhstan, especially among young people and fitness enthusiasts. Many people ride them for exercise, while others use them to travel short distances. In addition, cycling competitions and bike races attract a lot of public interest.

× Oh yes, yes, well I did in my childhood my parents bought me a yellow ride bike and this is very experienced for me in my childhood and I always walk I'm always riding my bike around my neighborhood and this is very exciting for me.

✓ Oh yes. When I was a child, my parents bought me a yellow bike. It was a very exciting experience for me, and I always rode my bike around my neighborhood. It was very exciting for me.

The original answer is a run-on sentence because several complete ideas are joined without appropriate punctuation or sentence boundaries. Divide the ideas into separate sentences and use conjunctions only where they clearly connect related clauses.

× Oh yes, yes, well I did in my childhood my parents bought me a yellow ride bike and this is very experienced for me in my childhood and I always walk I'm always riding my bike around my neighborhood and this is very exciting for me.

✓ Oh yes. When I was a child, my parents bought me a yellow bike. It was a very exciting experience for me, and I always rode my bike around my neighborhood. It was very exciting for me.

The question asks about childhood, so the answer should consistently use the past tense. Use was instead of is, rode instead of walk or am riding, and was instead of is when describing past experiences.

× Oh yes, yes, well I did in my childhood my parents bought me a yellow ride bike and this is very experienced for me in my childhood and I always walk I'm always riding my bike around my neighborhood and this is very exciting for me.

✓ Oh yes. When I was a child, my parents bought me a yellow bike. It was a very exciting experience for me, and I always rode my bike around my neighborhood. It was very exciting for me.

Experienced normally describes a person who has knowledge or skill. It cannot describe an event in this context. Use exciting to describe something that creates excitement, or say it was a very exciting experience.

× I think yes, of course, because my country we have a lot of competition from bikes and we also had a bike championship in Kazakhstan's country and it's very exciting and it's very interesting for people.

✓ I think so, of course, because in my country we have many bike competitions. We also have a bike championship in Kazakhstan, and it is very exciting and interesting for people.

The preposition in is needed before my country because it introduces the place where the competitions occur. Say in my country, not because my country. Also, Kazakhstan is already the name of the country, so Kazakhstan's country is unnecessary.

× I think yes, of course, because my country we have a lot of competition from bikes and we also had a bike championship in Kazakhstan's country and it's very exciting and it's very interesting for people.

✓ I think so, of course, because in my country we have many bike competitions. We also have a bike championship in Kazakhstan, and it is very exciting and interesting for people.

The student is describing current facts about bike popularity, so use the present tense have instead of the past-tense form had. Use the past tense only when referring to a championship that happened in the past.

× I think yes, of course, because my country we have a lot of competition from bikes and we also had a bike championship in Kazakhstan's country and it's very exciting and it's very interesting for people.

✓ I think so, of course, because in my country we have many bike competitions. We also have a bike championship in Kazakhstan, and it is very exciting and interesting for people.

The original answer contains several clauses joined together without proper punctuation, and because my country is incomplete. Separate the main ideas into two sentences and use a complete phrase such as in my country.