自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 先直接回答问题，并使用过去时：将“I have”改为“I had”。注意固定搭配，应说“as a birthday present”而不是“at my birthday gift”。删除重复和口语填充，如“you know”“get and receive”以及“so excited extremely”，改为“extremely excited”。最后用清晰的连接词补充学习过程，例如“However”或“because”，并将过长且不自然的句子拆分成2—3句。

示例: Yes, I did. I had a bike when I was about 12, and my mother gave it to me as a birthday present. I was extremely excited, although it took me quite a while to learn how to ride it because I had poor balance at first.

建议: 避免重复“Yes, definitely. Yes”，并直接说明自行车在中国很受欢迎。不要使用缺乏依据的“80%”，可以改为“many children”或“a large number of people”。注意语法：应说“when they were children”“go to school”“when they become adults”。另外，“big and vast”意思重复；可以用“because bikes are affordable and convenient”补充具体原因，并使用“Moreover”或“as a result”增强逻辑。

示例: Yes, definitely. Bikes are quite popular in China, especially among children and people who live in crowded cities. Many people use them to go to school, commute to work, or run short errands because they are affordable and convenient. Moreover, cycling is becoming more popular as people pay greater attention to their health and the environment.

× I have a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it at my birthday gift, you know, uh, when I was the first time to get and receive this gift, I was so excited extremely and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

✓ I had a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it as a birthday gift, you know. When I received this gift for the first time, I was extremely excited, and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

“When I was maybe 12 years old”表示过去的时间，所以应使用一般过去时“had”，而不能使用现在时“have”。

× I have a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it at my birthday gift, you know, uh, when I was the first time to get and receive this gift, I was so excited extremely and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

✓ I had a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it as a birthday gift, you know. When I received this gift for the first time, I was extremely excited, and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

表示“作为生日礼物”时，应使用介词“as”，构成“as a birthday gift”，不能说“at my birthday gift”。

× I have a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it at my birthday gift, you know, uh, when I was the first time to get and receive this gift, I was so excited extremely and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

✓ I had a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it as a birthday gift, you know. When I received this gift for the first time, I was extremely excited, and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

“when I was the first time to get and receive this gift”句子结构不正确。“for the first time”应放在表示动作的句子中，因此应改为“When I received this gift for the first time”。

× I have a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it at my birthday gift, you know, uh, when I was the first time to get and receive this gift, I was so excited extremely and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

✓ I had a bike when I was maybe 12 years old and my mother bought it as a birthday gift, you know. When I received this gift for the first time, I was extremely excited, and I learned for a long while because my balance was not as good.

副词“extremely”通常放在形容词前面修饰“excited”，所以应说“extremely excited”，不能说“excited extremely”。

× Our country, China is such a big and vast country that almost maybe 80% of our children will have their bike when they were childhood as well as me.

✓ China is such a big and vast country that maybe almost 80% of our children had bikes when they were children, as I did.

“maybe”通常放在“almost”前面，表达“可能将近……”时应说“maybe almost 80%”，而不是“almost maybe 80%”。

× Our country, China is such a big and vast country that almost maybe 80% of our children will have their bike when they were childhood as well as me.

✓ China is such a big and vast country that maybe almost 80% of our children had bikes when they were children, as I did.

主语“80% of our children”表示许多孩子，因此“bike”应使用复数“bikes”。另外，“children”是复数，不能与单数“childhood”搭配表示“他们小时候”。

× Our country, China is such a big and vast country that almost maybe 80% of our children will have their bike when they were childhood as well as me.

✓ China is such a big and vast country that maybe almost 80% of our children had bikes when they were children, as I did.

句子谈论的是孩子过去小时候的经历，并且使用了“when they were”，所以“will have”应改为过去时“had”。

× Our country, China is such a big and vast country that almost maybe 80% of our children will have their bike when they were childhood as well as me.

✓ China is such a big and vast country that maybe almost 80% of our children had bikes when they were children, as I did.

“as well as me”在这里用于比较两个主语的经历，应该使用主格并补充动词，改为“as I did”，意思是“就像我一样”。

× And I suppose that is a great way to the school or to some workplace even when we get adult.

✓ And I suppose that is a great way to get to school or to some workplaces, even when we become adults.

表达“到达学校”时，应使用动词短语“get to school”，不能说“a way to the school”。在表示通常去学校的概念时，“school”前通常不加定冠词“the”。

× And I suppose that is a great way to the school or to some workplace even when we get adult.

✓ And I suppose that is a great way to get to school or to some workplaces, even when we become adults.

主语“we”表示多人，因此“adult”应使用复数“adults”。“workplaces”也更符合“学校或工作场所”这一泛指含义。

× And I suppose that is a great way to the school or to some workplace even when we get adult.

✓ And I suppose that is a great way to get to school or to some workplaces, even when we become adults.

“get adult”不是正确的英语表达。表示“变成成年人”应使用“become adults”，同时“a great way to the school”缺少正确的动词结构，应改为“a great way to get to school”。