自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct verb forms; start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using appropriate past tense and linking words. Avoid fillers like “sorry.”

示例: Yes, I did. I got my first bike when I was seven after asking for it for two days because my brother had one and I felt envious. As a result, I remember riding it every afternoon around the neighborhood.

建议: Use accurate grammar and clear contrast linking words. Begin with a direct statement about current popularity, then briefly explain reasons with specific examples and a linking word like “however.”

示例: Bikes are less popular now than they used to be, because many people prefer private cars or the metro for convenience and speed. However, students still often cycle on campus since it's inexpensive and faster for short trips.

× But when my birthday came, I got nothing. Sorry. I felt envious. And then it happened.

✓ But when my birthday came, I got nothing. I felt envious. Then it happened.

The phrase 'And then it happened' is not grammatically wrong but 'And' is unnecessary at the start of a short sentence following another; this is a sentence structure/style issue (use of conjunctions). Here removing the conjunction makes the sequence clearer and more natural. Suggestion: avoid beginning short sentences with 'And' unless you intend a strong contrast or emphasis; connect ideas with a comma or join sentences to improve flow.

× I had my first one after I've cried for two days and that's because my brother had his bike and his birthday.

✓ I had my first one after I had cried for two days because it was my brother's birthday and he had a bike.

The original uses present perfect 'I've cried' in a past narrative context; past perfect 'I had cried' is required to show action completed before another past action. Also 'that's because my brother had his bike and his birthday' is unclear and ungrammatical; rephrase to 'because it was my brother's birthday and he had a bike.' Suggestion: use past perfect for actions completed before another past event and restructure clauses for clarity.

× Yeah, bikes used to be quite popular, but now I've become more common.

✓ Yeah, bikes used to be quite popular, but now cars have become more common.

The clause 'now I've become more common' incorrectly uses first person contraction 'I've' (I have) which doesn't match the intended subject. This is a pronoun/subject error and tense mismatch; the intended subject is 'cars' or 'they.' Use 'cars have become' or 'they have become.' Suggestion: ensure the subject matches the verb; use 'cars have become more common' or 'they have become more common.'

× People now prefer private cars or metro, which are more convenient.

✓ People now prefer private cars or the metro, which is more convenient.

The relative clause 'which are more convenient' refers to 'private cars or metro' which is a mix of plural and singular. Better to add the article 'the metro' and use 'is' if referring to 'the metro' or rephrase 'which are generally more convenient.' Suggestion: make the noun phrases parallel and ensure the verb in the relative clause agrees with its antecedent; e.g. 'private cars or the metro, which are more convenient' if treating both collectively, or 'the metro, which is more convenient' if referring only to the metro.