自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, avoid repetition and hesitations, and give a clear timeline. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (who gave it to you and when you learned). Use linking words to make it coherent and keep it under five sentences.

示例: Yes, I did. My brother gave me a second-hand bike when I was in grade six, and he taught me how to ride it. I started learning seriously at about 15, and after a few weeks of practice I could ride confidently around our neighborhood.

建议: Give a clear opinion with specific reasons and one contrasting point or example. Remove fillers and hesitations, and use a linking word to connect cause and effect. Aim for two to three concise sentences with concrete details.

示例: Not really. Bikes are uncommon in my country because many roads are poorly maintained and unsafe, so parents often forbid children from cycling. However, in some rural areas people still use bikes for short trips because they are cheap and convenient.

× As a child, I did have a bike, which I got it from my brother.

✓ As a child, I did have a bike, which I got from my brother.

The clause 'which I got it from my brother' contains an extra object pronoun 'it'. In relative clauses with 'which' referring to a thing, do not repeat the object with 'it'. Remove 'it' to use the correct past participle construction 'got from my brother'. Suggestion: say 'which I got from my brother' or 'that I got from my brother'.

× He taught, uh, he taught me how to ride a bike when I was in grade 6.

✓ He taught me how to ride a bike when I was in grade 6.

This sentence has unnecessary repetition ('He taught, uh, he taught'). Remove the repeated fragment and filler to create a clear single clause. Keep only 'He taught me how to ride a bike when I was in grade 6.'

× And I was about, I don't exactly remember the age, but I was about 15 to 16 years.

✓ I don't exactly remember my age, but I was about 15 or 16 years old.

Use 'my age' instead of 'the age' for personal reference. When giving an age, use 'years old'. Use 'or' rather than 'to' for an approximate choice between two ages. Suggested fluent phrasing: 'I don't exactly remember my age, but I was about 15 or 16 years old.'

× So at the age of 15, like I've started learning.

✓ So at the age of 15, I started learning.

The phrase 'I've started learning' (present perfect) conflicts with the clear past time reference 'at the age of 15'. Use simple past 'I started' to match the definite past time. Also remove filler 'like' for clarity.

× Bikes are not really popular in my country since the roads here are very bumpy.

✓ Bicycles are not really popular in my country since the roads here are very bumpy.

'Bikes' is acceptable conversationally, but in formal responses 'bicycles' is preferable. This is a style suggestion rather than a strict grammar error; however, no article change is required. Keeping 'Bikes are not really popular in my country since the roads here are very bumpy.' is also correct. If strict article correction were needed, none applies here.

× Our parents don't allow students to uh I mean kids to ride bike because it's risky.

✓ Our parents don't allow students, I mean kids, to ride bikes because it's risky.

The phrase 'ride bike' is missing the plural noun or an article. Use 'ride bikes' for general activity or 'ride a bike' for singular. Also punctuation (commas) helps clarity around the self-correction 'I mean kids'. Suggested phrasing: 'Our parents don't allow kids to ride bikes because it's risky.'