学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I’m currently not working.”), then give brief, specific details using linking words. Avoid hesitations and repetition. Correct verb forms and word choice (e.g., “I studied abroad six months ago and attended a language school; I recently returned to Japan and am now looking for a job.”).

示例: I’m currently not working. Six months ago I studied abroad and attended a language school, and I recently returned to Japan, so I’m now looking for a new job.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence then support with specific reasons and a linking word. Reduce repetition and correct small grammatical errors (e.g., “a dedicated desk,” “for longer periods”). Use one or two supporting details only.

示例: I usually study at home because it’s quiet and comfortable. For example, I have a dedicated desk which helps me concentrate on my tasks for longer periods.

建议: Begin with a direct opinion sentence, then briefly explain with specific reasons and a linking word. Avoid repetition and filler words. Fix grammar: “I can focus for longer periods and stick to my study routine.”

示例: Yes, it’s a very good place to study because it’s quiet and comfortable, so I can focus for longer periods and keep to my study routine.

建议: Answer directly then clarify briefly. Correct word choice errors (“visit” is incorrect; use “study space”) and avoid repetition. One clear supporting reason is enough.

示例: No, I wouldn’t change anything about my study space because I’m very satisfied with it; it’s comfortable and quiet.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence stating the plan, then give specific, coherent reasons and steps. Fix grammar and word choice: use verbs correctly (e.g., “study remedial massage,” “build a career”), and finish the sentence. Use linking words to show sequence (e.g., “after that”).

示例: I’d like to study remedial massage in Australia because I want to improve my massage skills and build a career there. I plan to apply to a vocational school first, and after completing it I hope to work in a clinic in Australia.

× I'm not working and I'm not student, uh, because, uh, six months ago I, uh, I studied abroad and attend the language school.

✓ I'm not working and I'm not a student because six months ago I studied abroad and attended a language school.

The sentence lacks the article 'a' before 'student' (article error/structure) and mixes tenses and verb forms. 'Attend' should be past tense 'attended' to match 'studied abroad'. Remove filler words and redundant commas for clarity. Suggestion: include indefinite article before singular count nouns and keep consistent past tense when describing past events.

× So I recently returned to back return to Japan.

✓ So I recently returned to Japan.

This sentence contains redundant words 'to back return' causing incorrect structure. Use a single past-tense verb 'returned' with the destination 'to Japan' omitted because 'returned to Japan' is correct. Suggestion: avoid duplication and use simple past for completed actions.

× I usually study at home because it's quiet and comfortable for me.

✓ I usually study at home because it is quiet and comfortable for me.

Contraction expansion optional; sentence is grammatically acceptable. Keep consistent formality. No change required except making contraction consistent with register.

× Uh, I have dedicated desk so I, I can concentrate on my, I, I can concentrate better on my tasks and study.

✓ I have a dedicated desk so I can concentrate on my tasks and study better.

Missing article 'a' before 'dedicated desk' (article error). Also word order: 'concentrate better on my tasks and study' flows better as 'concentrate on my tasks and study better'. Remove repetitions. Suggestion: include 'a' for singular countable nouns and place adverbs (better) after verbs or at the end of clause for clarity.

× Uh, I focus longer period.

✓ I can focus for longer periods.

Incorrect structure and missing preposition/number. Use 'focus for longer periods' or 'focus for a longer period' to express duration. Also include auxiliary 'can' if intended ability. Suggestion: use 'for' + duration phrase and pluralize 'period' if general.

× Yes, I think because, uh, it's quiet and comfortable, so I can, I can study uh, again, focus on longer period and stick to my study routine.

✓ Yes, I think it is quiet and comfortable, so I can study, focus for a longer period, and stick to my study routine.

Remove repeated pronouns and filler words. 'Again' is unnecessary and 'focus on longer period' needs preposition 'for' and article 'a'. Parallelism: maintain parallel verb forms 'study, focus, and stick'. Suggestion: keep verbs in a parallel list and use correct prepositions for duration.

× No, I, I wouldn't change anything about my study space because I'm very satisfied with my visit.

✓ No, I wouldn't change anything about my study space because I'm very satisfied with it.

Incorrect pronoun 'visit' likely wrong word; should be 'it' referring to 'study space'. 'Visit' creates semantic error and wrong noun choice. Suggestion: use correct pronoun reference and avoid repetition of 'I'.

× Uh, it's comfortable for comfortable and quiet.

✓ It is comfortable and quiet.

Redundant and incorrect phrase 'comfortable for comfortable' is ungrammatical. Remove duplication and keep two adjectives joined by 'and'. Suggestion: avoid repeating words and ensure correct adjective order (here both are simple adjectives).

× I'd like to remedial massage in Australia uh because I want improve my massage skills and build a nuclear in Australia.

✓ I'd like to study remedial massage in Australia because I want to improve my massage skills and build a career there.

Missing verb after 'like to' and wrong noun choices: 'remedial massage' needs a verb 'study' or 'train in', and 'want improve' requires 'to improve'. 'Build a nuclear' is incorrect; likely 'build a career' or 'build a network'. Suggestion: include appropriate verbs after 'like to', use 'to' with 'want', and choose correct nouns for intended meaning.

× So uh I plan to apply for vocational school and after.

✓ So I plan to apply to a vocational school and then continue my training there.

Preposition and article errors: use 'apply to' not 'apply for' when referring to institutions (both possible but 'apply to a school' is common), and include 'a' before 'vocational school'. 'And after' is incomplete; specify 'then' or 'after that' and state intended action. Suggestion: complete the sentence with the subsequent action and use correct article and preposition.