学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be careful with grammar (use 'a student', 'I have just completed'). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two concise details. Use linking words like 'and now' or 'so' to connect ideas. Avoid redundancy and keep it to 1–3 sentences.

示例: I am currently a student. I have just completed my Grade 12 exams at July Barry Secondary School, and now I am preparing for the IELTS exam.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence naming the school and its location, then add one specific detail. Reduce filler words ('uh', 'umm') and unclear phrases ('popular with the name of the library'). Use linking words like 'and' or 'which' to connect details.

示例: I studied at July Barry Secondary School in the eastern part of Nepal, near the India border. The school is well known locally and is close to my hometown.

建议: Begin with a concise opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons. Use correct grammar (e.g. 'it provides many facilities', 'it teaches discipline') and linking words like 'because' and 'so'. Avoid long, repetitive phrases and keep sentences shorter.

示例: Yes, I think it is a good place to study because it provides many facilities for students and helps develop discipline. As a result, students can focus better on their goals.

建议: Answer clearly: state the change you want first (better infrastructure), then give specific reasons and one brief additional idea. Correct grammar ('I would choose improvements to infrastructure', 'it takes more than an hour to get to school'). Avoid confusing extra points (rules) unless they directly relate and keep to 2–3 sentences with linking words like 'because' and 'for example'.

示例: If I could change something, I would improve the school's infrastructure because it currently takes more than an hour for many students to reach school. For example, better roads or transport would make attendance easier and reduce lateness.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your plan (continue studying accounting/commerce). Then give 2 specific reasons and one planned action (e.g., university choice, internship). Fix grammar ('I studied accounting', 'more employment opportunities', 'internships') and avoid unclear phrases like 'isolate' and 'upload'. Use linking words like 'so' and 'for example'.

示例: I plan to continue studying accounting at university because it will give me more employment opportunities, especially in banking. For example, I hope to do internships at banks to gain practical experience.

× At the moment I am an student.

✓ At the moment I am a student.

Use 'a' before consonant sounds; 'an' is used before vowel sounds. 'Student' begins with a consonant sound so 'a' is correct.

× I have just complete my grade 12 exam from July Barry Secondary School.

✓ I have just completed my Grade 12 exams at July Barry Secondary School.

Present perfect requires the past participle 'completed.' Use 'exams' plural and preposition 'at' for schools. Capitalize 'Grade' and school name.

× Now I'm preparing for the IELTS exam.

✓ Now I'm preparing for the IELTS exam.

Sentence is correct; present continuous is appropriate for an ongoing action, so no change needed.

× To be honest, Umm it is located at the eastern part of Nepal, near the India border.

✓ To be honest, it is located in the eastern part of Nepal, near the Indian border.

Use 'in' for regions ('in the eastern part'). Use adjective 'Indian' before 'border.' Remove filler 'Umm' for clarity.

× It is quite popular with the name of the library, secondary schools.

✓ It is quite well known for its libraries and secondary school.

Original phrasing is unclear. Use 'well known for' and possessive 'its.' Use plural 'libraries' if applicable and singular 'secondary school' or 'secondary schools' consistently.

× Uh, it is near my hometown.

✓ It is near my hometown.

Sentence is correct after removing filler 'Uh.' No grammatical change needed.

× Yes, definitely from my point of view because it provides a lot of facility to the student who usually want to grow in their life and it teach them to build and I mean that it makes students well discipline and focus and concentrate on our goal or each goal.

✓ Yes, definitely. From my point of view, it provides many facilities to students who want to improve their lives, and it teaches them to develop discipline and to focus on their goals.

Multiple issues: use plural 'facilities' and 'students'; subject-verb agreement with 'students who want'; 'teach' should be 'teaches' to match singular 'it' but better restructured; 'well discipline' corrected to 'discipline'; 'focus and concentrate on our goal or each goal' simplified to 'focus on their goals.'

× If I could change anything then I will definitely go with an infrastructure sector because to reach the schools it is quite disturbing.

✓ If I could change anything, I would definitely focus on infrastructure, because reaching the schools is quite difficult.

Conditional sentence mixing: use 'If I could...' with 'I would...' rather than 'I will.' 'Go with an infrastructure sector' is unnatural; 'focus on infrastructure' is clearer. 'Disturbing' is incorrect here; use 'difficult' or 'inconvenient.'

× We have to work for a long period of time, more than one hour and to reach the school.

✓ We have to travel for a long time, more than an hour, to get to school.

'Work for a long period' is incorrect context; use 'travel' or 'commute.' Use 'more than an hour' and 'get to school' for clarity.

× So if I could make and I mix, I could make an strict rule and regulation in the schools which should be followed by every student because it makes them disciplined and focus on their work.

✓ So if I could, I would introduce strict rules and regulations in the schools that every student should follow, because they would help students become disciplined and focus on their work.

Correct conditional form 'If I could, I would...' 'An strict' should be 'strict' or 'a strict' but 'rules and regulations' is plural. Use 'that' for the clause and change verbs for agreement and clarity.

× Actually I have studied accounting in grade 12 so in my future also I would like to continue in that field only commerce field so I can get an more Employment Opportunity or in the banking sectors and by doing an interns which provide me isolate In the future I will definitely go study with.

✓ I studied accounting in Grade 12, so in the future I would like to continue in the field of commerce to get more employment opportunities, perhaps in banking, and by doing internships that will provide me with experience. In the future I will definitely continue my studies.

Use simple past 'I studied' or present perfect appropriately; 'grade 12' -> 'Grade 12.' 'Continue in that field only commerce field' rephrased to 'continue in the field of commerce.' Use plural 'opportunities' and 'internships.' 'Provide me isolate' is unclear; corrected to 'provide me with experience.' Final clause clarified.