学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence stating your current status (graduate and planning further study), then add one short supporting detail. Avoid overly long or slightly unclear phrases (e.g. “Measuring and Marketing”).

示例: I recently graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration from the Institute of Management Sciences, Peshawar. I am currently preparing to start a master’s degree in a related field, so I’m taking some time to study and apply to programs.

建议: Answer directly and add one specific detail to enrich the response. Use linking words only if adding supporting information to keep coherence.

示例: I studied at the Institute of Management Sciences in Peshawar. It is a well-regarded business school known for its practical courses and strong ties with local companies.

建议: Be concise and avoid contradictions or geographic mistakes (you mentioned Hyderabad then Peshawar). Give one clear reason with a specific example rather than repeating “well known.” Use linking words like “because” or “for example.”

示例: Yes, it is a good place to study because it offers strong industry connections and practical training. For example, many students complete internships with local firms through the university’s career office.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence stating whether you would like changes, then give one specific example of the change you want and explain why. Avoid vague phrases like “new educational information.”

示例: Yes, I would like some changes, mainly in faculty training and administration. For instance, professors should receive regular professional development on current teaching methods and updated course content so students learn the latest practices.

建议: This answer is clear and focused. To improve further, add one brief reason why you chose that field or what you hope to gain, using a linking word like “because” or “so that.” Keep it to one or two supporting sentences.

示例: I plan to pursue a master’s degree in business analytics because I want to combine business knowledge with technical data skills. This will help me make data-driven decisions and work in roles like analytics or consulting.

× Currently, I'm taking some time off to work on my master's degree.

✓ Currently, I'm taking some time off to work on my master's degree.

No grammatical change needed; sentence correctly uses present continuous to describe a temporary current activity. Keep as is.

× I got my undergraduate degree from the Institute of Management Sciences, Peshawar, which is a Business School.

✓ I received my undergraduate degree from the Institute of Management Sciences, Peshawar, which is a business school.

'Got' is informal; 'received' is more appropriate in formal contexts. 'Business School' should be lowercased as it is a common noun here. Use 'received' (past simple) to state a completed past action.

× Yes, the Institute of Management Sciences Peshawar is a well known Business School in Hyderabad, especially in the Peshawar district.

✓ Yes, the Institute of Management Sciences Peshawar is a well-known business school in Peshawar, especially in the Peshawar district.

The original incorrectly places the school 'in Hyderabad' which contradicts location 'Peshawar'; corrected to 'in Peshawar'. 'Well-known' needs a hyphen as a compound adjective before a noun. 'Business school' is not a proper noun here and should be lowercased.

× It is well known for its faculty, industry connections and practical skills that they offer to their students.

✓ It is well known for its faculty, industry connections, and the practical skills it offers to its students.

The pronoun 'they' incorrectly refers to the institution; use 'it' to match singular 'it'. Also add 'the' before 'practical skills' for clarity and include serial comma for readability.

× After graduating from this university, many students get various job opportunities.

✓ After graduating from this university, many students obtain various job opportunities.

'Get' is informal; 'obtain' or 'find' is more appropriate. The original subject-verb agreement is acceptable, but choose a more formal verb to match context. 'Obtain' fits better for professional outcomes.

× Being completely honest, yes I would like this university to bring some changes, especially in their faculty and admin department.

✓ Being completely honest, yes, I would like this university to make some changes, especially in its faculty and administrative department.

Use 'its' to agree with singular noun 'university' instead of plural 'their'. 'Make changes' is more natural than 'bring some changes'. Use 'administrative department' or 'administration' for formality.

× In my opinion, many of the professors lack the new educational information.

✓ In my opinion, many of the professors lack up-to-date educational knowledge.

'Lack the new educational information' is awkward. Use 'lack up-to-date educational knowledge' to express that professors do not have current knowledge. This corrects word choice and preserves present-tense meaning.

× As a business graduate, I would like to pursue a master's degree in a field that is closely related to my major but at the same time is also technical.

✓ As a business graduate, I would like to pursue a master's degree in a field that is closely related to my major but is also technical.

Remove redundant 'at the same time' and second 'is' can be contracted: original had minor redundancy. The sentence correctly uses conditional 'would like' for future intention; correction improves conciseness.

× I am planning on opting for business analytics.

✓ I am planning to opt for business analytics.

Use 'planning to' rather than 'planning on' for a more formal and standard structure. 'Opt for' is sufficient; 'planning to opt for' is a correct modal/infinitive construction.