学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be clearer and more grammatical. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unnecessary words.

示例: I am a student studying Financial Management at City University. I chose this major because I plan to work in business after graduation, and the courses in finance and accounting will help me prepare for that career.

建议: Answer directly, then give a clear reason or detail. Use correct grammar for time and location and avoid vague phrases like "different emotions." Use one linking phrase (for example, "because" or "because of").

示例: I study at Shanghai University at the moment because my family moved here and I wanted to learn about Shanghai’s culture. For example, I enjoy the historic neighborhoods and the food, which make the city attractive to me.

建议: Give a specific reason and avoid unclear expressions. Use linking words like "first" or "because" and provide concrete details (facilities, teachers, environment). Keep it to 2–3 sentences maximum.

示例: Yes, I think it is a good place to study because the university has modern libraries and experienced teachers. Also, the campus environment is calm and productive, which helps me concentrate.

建议: Interpret the question literally: mention one or two realistic changes you would like and explain why. Avoid vague emotional descriptions and filler words. Use a clear linking phrase such as "for example" or "because".

示例: Yes, I would like the university to improve the study spaces. For example, they could extend library opening hours and add more quiet study rooms because students often need a place to study at night.

建议: State your plan clearly and give concrete details: where, what subject, and why. Use linking words like "so that" or "in order to" and avoid vague expressions about feelings.

示例: I plan to study abroad for a master's degree in economics so that I can learn different economic theories and gain international experience. Studying in another country will also help me understand different business cultures and improve my language skills.

× I am a student in a financial management in the City University.

✓ I am a student in financial management at City University.

Use of articles is incorrect: 'a financial management' is wrong because 'financial management' is an academic subject (no article). Use 'at City University' instead of 'in the City University' because institutions commonly take 'at' and the name does not need 'the' here. Improve by omitting the article before subjects and using correct preposition for institutions.

× Just I am interested in my major because I want to be a businesswoman.

✓ I am interested in my major because I want to become a businesswoman.

Awkward word order and wrong verb form: 'Just I am' should be 'I am' and 'want to be' is acceptable but 'want to become' is more natural for future profession. Remove 'Just' at start or place it after subject for emphasis ('I am just interested...'). Use 'become' for clearer intent.

× Right now I study in Shanghai University because my father wanted to be then about Shanghai culture and different emotions.

✓ Right now I study at Shanghai University because my father introduced me to Shanghai's culture and different experiences.

Tense and word choice errors: 'study in Shanghai University' should be 'study at Shanghai University' (preposition and article). 'my father wanted to be then about' is ungrammatical; intended meaning likely 'introduced me to' (past action). 'different emotions' is odd here; 'different experiences' or 'aspects' fits better. Use past simple 'introduced' for a completed action.

× For me, just Shanghai is a beautiful city and attractive cities.

✓ For me, Shanghai is a beautiful and attractive city.

Article and number agreement errors: 'just' is unnecessary; 'a beautiful city and attractive cities' mixes singular and plural. Use singular noun 'city' and coordinate adjectives correctly: 'a beautiful and attractive city.'

× First of all, those places have a different all kinds of mind and some or some others always to have a greater sense and greater beautiful.

✓ First of all, people in these places have different ways of thinking; some are more open-minded and many places feel more vibrant and beautiful.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'Those places have a different all kinds of mind' is incoherent; clarify meaning as 'people have different ways of thinking.' 'Some or some others always to have a greater sense and greater beautiful' is also incorrect—replace with clear comparative phrases like 'more open-minded' and 'more vibrant and beautiful.' Use parallel structure and appropriate adjectives/adverbs.

× Yes, it's uh, always changing my life and my mind.

✓ Yes, it is always changing my life and my mind.

Contraction 'it's' is acceptable but informal; change 'uh' removed. Present continuous 'is changing' is acceptable for ongoing effect. Keep as 'it is always changing my life and my mind.' Minor stylistic cleanup.

× For example, some others have a a vague emotions and uh, different mind so I can post a 0.

✓ For example, some people have vague emotions and different ways of thinking, so I get confused.

Grammatical number and wording errors: 'a a vague emotions' mixes article and plural; use 'vague emotions' without 'a.' 'some others' should be 'some people.' 'different mind' should be 'different ways of thinking.' 'so I can post a 0' is meaningless here—likely 'so I get confused.' Replace with coherent outcome.

× I would like go to other cultures to complete economic careers because I want to experience all kinds of culture.

✓ I would like to go to other countries to pursue a career in economics because I want to experience different cultures.

Missing 'to' after 'would like' and wrong noun choices: 'other cultures' -> 'other countries' or 'other cultures' depending, but 'go to other cultures' is unnatural. 'complete economic careers' is incorrect; use 'pursue a career in economics.' Also use plural 'cultures' and 'different cultures' for variety. Maintain future intention with 'would like to' + base verb.

× Maybe this is great the way to make me feel.

✓ Maybe this is a great way to make me feel that way.

Word order and missing article: use 'a great way' and clarify 'to make me feel that way' to complete the thought. The original 'make me feel' needs an object or complement; add 'that way' to refer back to the previous sentence.