学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise, correct grammar, and use natural phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. "I'm a recent architecture graduate and currently looking for work"). Avoid unclear or incorrect terms like "UH company"; use "an architecture firm" or "a company". Use one or two supporting details (what kind of role you want, or what you are doing now to find work) with linking words (e.g. "at the moment", "in the future").

示例: I'm a recent architecture graduate currently looking for work. At the moment I'm applying to architectural firms and doing freelance design projects to build my portfolio. In the future I hope to work at a firm that focuses on urban design because I'm interested in how cities are planned and developed.

建议: Use correct tense and more natural collocations, and keep answers focused. Begin with a clear topic sentence ("I studied architecture at the University of Indonesia"). Use one or two specific supporting details about the university or your experience, and correct grammar ("prestigious university across Indonesia", "those memories were fascinating"). Avoid irrelevant anecdote unless briefly linked to the question. Keep within four sentences.

示例: I studied architecture at the University of Indonesia, which is one of the most prestigious universities in the country. The architecture program was very engaging, with lots of studio work and group projects. I also have fond memories of social events with classmates, which made the experience enjoyable.

建议: Be natural and use accurate vocabulary and plural/singular forms. Start with a clear opinion sentence ("Yes, it's a great place to study") and then give two specific supporting reasons with linking words ("for example", "also"). Replace unclear terms ("UMM classrooms") with clearer phrases like "different types of classrooms and studios". Avoid redundancy and keep sentences concise.

示例: Yes, it's a great place to study. For example, the university has well-equipped studios and different types of classrooms that support practical learning. It also offers several canteens and study spaces, so students can relax or work between classes.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence ("Yes, I would like some improvements") and provide specific, correctly named examples with reasons. Use linking words ("for example", "because") and correct verb forms ("should be installed", "could be updated"). Avoid vague labels like "UH"; say "digital presentation boards" or "high-quality printers". Explain briefly how changes would help students.

示例: Yes, I would like to see some improvements to the facilities. For example, installing modern digital presentation boards in studios and upgrading printers in the workshops would save time and allow students to produce higher-quality work. This would improve the learning experience and reduce frustration.

建议: Begin with a clear topic sentence ("I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad"). Use correct grammar ("master's degree", "I'm not sure which country yet"). Give one or two specific details about your area of interest and why, using linking words ("because", "for example"). Avoid awkward phrases like "tendency to for urbanism"; instead say "I want to specialize in urbanism, such as urban planning and spatial design".

示例: I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad, although I haven't decided on a country yet. I hope to specialize in urbanism, focusing on urban planning and spatial design, because I'm fascinated by how cities are organized and how public spaces affect people's lives.

× Currently I'm a graduate in architecture, however I haven't found any UH company to work, therefore I'm still unemployed.

✓ Currently I'm a graduate in architecture; however, I haven't found a company to work for, so I'm still unemployed.

Incorrect article and phrase usage: 'any UH company' is unclear and 'any' is inappropriate here. Use the indefinite article 'a' for 'a company'. Also the verb phrase should be 'work for' indicating employment. Replace the comma splice with proper punctuation ('; however,' or separate sentences) and use 'so' for logical consequence.

× But in the future I wish I can work in architectural firms that focusing more on urban.

✓ But in the future I wish I could work in architectural firms that focus more on urban design.

Tense and verb form issues: 'wish I can' is incorrect; use 'wish I could' or 'hope I can'. Also 'firms that focusing' requires base verb 'focus'. Added 'design' to clarify 'urban' and make noun phrase correct.

× I studied in the University of Indonesia.

✓ I studied at the University of Indonesia.

Preposition and article use: We say 'study at a university'. Use 'at' not 'in' and keep the definite article 'the University of Indonesia' as part of the proper name.

× It is one of the most prestigious college across Indonesia.

✓ It is one of the most prestigious colleges across Indonesia.

Singular/plural mismatch: 'one of the' requires a plural noun 'colleges'. 'College' should be plural 'colleges'.

× I studied architecture and everything was very fun and enjoyable.

✓ I studied architecture and everything was very fun and enjoyable.

No correction needed based on provided grammar list; sentence tense is consistent with past context. (Included to acknowledge it's correct.)

× I remember back then we used to have sleepover in my friend's house and the memories fascinating.

✓ I remember that back then we used to have sleepovers at my friend's house, and the memories were fascinating.

Multiple errors: 'sleepover' should be plural 'sleepovers' to match recurring action. Preposition 'at' is correct for location. Missing verb 'were' before 'fascinating' to form a complete clause. Added 'that' for clarity.

× Indeed, they have good infrastructures to assist students to learn.

✓ Indeed, they have good infrastructure to assist students in learning.

Word choice and preposition: 'infrastructure' is usually uncountable and used in singular. Use 'assist students in learning' rather than 'assist students to learn' for natural collocation.

× They also have various UMM classrooms in different types so students wouldn't get bored.

✓ They also have various UMM classroom types so students won't get bored.

Awkward noun phrase: 'various UMM classrooms in different types' should be 'various UMM classroom types'. Also 'wouldn't' suggests conditional; use 'won't' to state a general fact about the present/future.

× Even the school also have some canteens for students to grab some snacks during the lunch break.

✓ The school also has some canteens where students can grab snacks during lunch break.

Article and subject-verb agreement: 'the school also have' should be 'the school also has' (singular). 'Some snacks' simplified to 'snacks'. 'Where' is better than 'for students to' to connect clause. Removed redundant 'even' or repositioned; kept concise.

× In my opinion, a more advanced technology should be installed before the next term.

✓ In my opinion, more advanced technology should be installed before the next term.

Article and noun use: 'a more advanced technology' is awkward—'technology' is uncountable here, so omit 'a'. 'Should be installed' is acceptable modal usage.

× For example, new UH presentation board and the new UMM printer can be adjust as well for the use of the students.

✓ For example, the new presentation board and the new printer can be adjusted for student use as well.

Articles and verb form: Add 'the' before specific items. 'Can be adjust' is incorrect passive voice form; use 'can be adjusted'. 'For the use of the students' is wordy—'for student use' is concise.

× Therefore, it will make the learning experience memorable and enjoyable.

✓ Therefore, it will make the learning experience more memorable and enjoyable.

Comparative nuance: adding 'more' improves the comparative sense when discussing improvements. Tense is appropriate (future 'will make').

× I would like to pursue my master degree abroad even though I'm still unsure about the university or the country I want to move in.

✓ I would like to pursue my master's degree abroad even though I'm still unsure about the university or the country I want to move to.

Possessive and preposition: Use 'master's degree' (possessive). Use preposition 'move to' not 'move in' for destination.

× But for the coursework, I have a tendency to for urbanism like urban planning and spatial layout because it's very interesting.

✓ As for the coursework, I tend to focus on urbanism, such as urban planning and spatial layout, because they are very interesting.

Preposition and verb choice: 'have a tendency to for' is incorrect; use 'tend to focus on'. Use 'such as' to introduce examples. Match plurality: 'they are' refers to the fields; or rephrase singularly. Clearer structure improves readability.