学习— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence, correct college name spelling, avoid repetition, and use a short future plan sentence. Improve grammar (use articles and prepositions) and reduce length to 2–3 sentences.

示例: I am a student. I’m studying for a Diploma in Hospitality Management at Allianz College in Adelaide CBD, and I’ve been there for two years. After I graduate, I plan to apply for jobs in the hospitality industry.

建议: Give a direct location sentence, correct the college name consistently, use accurate prepositions and avoid vague words like "random mall." Use linking words to connect transport and walking time and keep to 2–3 sentences.

示例: I study at Allianz College, which is located in the Adelaide CBD. I usually take the bus and then walk about five minutes from a nearby shopping mall to reach the campus.

建议: Begin with a clear opinion, then give specific supporting details linked with cohesive devices. Correct subject–verb agreement and pronouns (e.g., "their student services" and avoid "we are really helpful" if you mean staff are helpful). Keep to 3–4 sentences.

示例: Yes, it’s a very good place to study. The college provides the equipment we need and helpful student services, so we can contact staff directly if we have problems. In addition, they run many workshops and offer plenty of online resources to support our learning.

建议: Be specific and use correct vocabulary: say "back pain" and "seat cushions" or "ergonomic chairs" and "electrical outlets" or "protective covers" depending on meaning. Use linking words (because, and) and correct tense and agreement. Keep to 2–3 concise sentences and avoid awkward phrasing like "it's interrupt."

示例: Yes. I would like more comfortable, ergonomic chairs because I often get back pain after long classes, and I’d like better power outlets or protective covers in the classrooms because some sockets don’t work properly.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence about plans, correct grammar (use "I don't have any plans after this course"; "this course is enough"), and be specific about job types. Use linking words to explain reasoning and keep to 2–3 sentences.

示例: I don’t have any plans for further study after this course because I believe this diploma is sufficient for entering the hospitality industry. After I graduate, I plan to apply for jobs in hotels or restaurants, ideally in guest services or front office roles.

× Currently I am a student studying for a Diploma in Hospitality Management at Allianz College which is in the Adelaide CBD and I have been studying that for two years.

✓ Currently I am a student studying for a diploma in Hospitality Management at Allianz College in the Adelaide CBD, and I have been studying there for two years.

Use the indefinite article 'a' with common nouns like 'diploma' (article error). Replace 'that' with 'there' to refer to the place (pronoun misuse). Also add a comma and 'and' to connect clauses for clarity. Suggestion: use 'a diploma' and 'there' when referring back to the college.

× After graduation I I plan to apply for Hospitality Industry.

✓ After graduation I plan to apply for a job in the hospitality industry.

Missing article 'a' before 'job' and 'hospitality industry' needs the article 'the' in this context or use 'in hospitality' (article error combined with sentence structure). Also remove duplicated 'I'. Suggestion: say 'apply for a job in the hospitality industry.'

× The name of the college is Alliance. They're located in the Adelaide CBD.

✓ The name of the college is Alliance. It is located in the Adelaide CBD.

Use singular pronoun 'it' for a single college rather than 'they' which implies plurality (pronoun and agreement). This is categorized under article/pronoun use per list; correct pronoun improves agreement.

× I can go there by bus and walk around 5 minutes from the random mall.

✓ I can go there by bus and walk about five minutes from the nearby mall.

Use 'about' instead of 'around' when giving an approximate duration and write numbers in words for small numbers in speech contexts. 'From the random mall' is incorrect; 'nearby mall' is appropriate (preposition and word choice). Suggestion: use 'about five minutes from the nearby mall.'

× They provide our equipment we need for studying and their student service.

✓ They provide the equipment we need for studying and their student services are helpful.

Use definite article 'the' with 'equipment' in this context. 'Student service' should be plural 'student services' and needs a verb to describe it. Suggestion: 'They provide the equipment we need and their student services are helpful.'

× We are really helpful.

✓ They are really helpful.

The student likely means the college staff or services are helpful; 'we' incorrectly refers to the speaker group. Use 'they' to refer to the college or staff (pronoun misuse). Suggestion: clarify the subject before using pronouns.

× For instance, we can contact the staff directly if we have any problems.

✓ For instance, we can contact the staff directly if we have any problems.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no correction needed. (Included to show it's acceptable.)

× They also run many workshops and offer plenty of online resources to support our learning.

✓ They also run many workshops and offer plenty of online resources to support our learning.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no correction needed. (Included to show it's acceptable.)

× Yes, I would like to have comfortable chairs and better protectors because when we sit for a long time I always get my back pain and for the protector sometime they don't work well and it's interrupt.

✓ Yes, I would like comfortable chairs and better protective covers because when we sit for a long time I always get back pain, and some protectors sometimes do not work well and they interrupt our work.

Use 'protective covers' or 'armrest protectors' for clarity rather than 'protectors' (word choice). 'My back pain' -> 'back pain' more natural. 'Sometime' should be 'sometimes'. 'They don't work well and it's interrupt' should be 'they sometimes do not work well and they interrupt' (subject-verb agreement and sentence structure). Suggestion: split into two clauses and use plural subjects for plural verbs.

× Actually I don't have plan after this course because I think this cost is enough for apply in the hospitality industry and after I'm graduate I plan to apply for work in the hotel or in the restaurant.

✓ Actually I don't have a plan after this course because I think this course is enough to qualify me to apply to work in the hospitality industry, and after I graduate I plan to apply for work in a hotel or a restaurant.

Multiple errors: missing article 'a' before 'plan' (article error), 'cost' is wrong word; should be 'course' (word choice), 'enough for apply' should be 'enough to qualify me to apply' or 'enough to apply' (verb pattern), 'after I'm graduate' should be 'after I graduate' (verb tense and form). Use 'a hotel or a restaurant' for indefinite singular nouns. Suggestion: use 'after I graduate' and correct 'course' and include necessary articles.