机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer the question more directly at the beginning by saying “Yes, I did.” Avoid the awkward phrase “take part in, whether it could be” and replace it with “take part in activities such as.” The answer contains relevant details, but the final sentence is too long and unclear; divide it into two sentences and explain one specific activity or its result. Use linking words such as “For example” and “As a result” to improve coherence.

示例: Yes, I did. At school, I had plenty of opportunities to try activities such as sports, drama, and dancing. For example, I took part in our annual school performance, where I acted in a short play in front of my parents and the chief guest. It was exciting and helped me become more confident.

建议: Give a cleaner topic sentence, such as “Yes, I think people should try different activities.” Avoid the unnecessary phrase “Definitely I think” and the repetition of “try” and “when they will try.” The reason is relevant, but you could make it more specific by adding an example of discovering a skill or gaining confidence. Use a linking phrase such as “This is because” to connect the opinion and explanation naturally.

示例: Yes, I think people should try a wide range of activities. This is because they may discover talents they did not know they had. For instance, someone who tries photography as a hobby might find that they have a natural talent for taking creative pictures. Trying new things can also build confidence and help people understand their interests better.

× As a child when I was in school, I did get a lot of opportunities to take part in, whether it could be in sports, drama and even dance.

✓ As a child, when I was at school, I had many opportunities to take part in sports, drama, and even dance.

The phrase take part in must be followed by the activity or event. The clause whether it could be in is incomplete and does not fit the sentence structure because no alternative is being presented. Use a clear list of activities after take part in.

× There were many functions in which we could participate and also the annual days in which our performances would be displayed to our parents and in front of the chief guest which would be encouraging to us.

✓ There were many functions, including annual days, in which we could participate. Our performances were presented to our parents and the chief guest, which encouraged us.

The conjunction and creates an unclear and unbalanced connection between functions and annual days. Including gives a clearer relationship between the general category and the specific example. Dividing the long sentence also makes the ideas easier to understand.

× There were many functions in which we could participate and also the annual days in which our performances would be displayed to our parents and in front of the chief guest which would be encouraging to us.

✓ There were many functions, including annual days, in which we could participate. Our performances were presented to our parents and the chief guest, which encouraged us.

The relative pronoun which incorrectly appears to refer to the chief guest, who is a person. In the corrected version, which refers to the presentation of the performances rather than to the person. If the pronoun referred to the guest, who would be required.

× There were many functions in which we could participate and also the annual days in which our performances would be displayed to our parents and in front of the chief guest which would be encouraging to us.

✓ There were many functions, including annual days, in which we could participate. Our performances were presented to our parents and the chief guest, which encouraged us.

The answer describes completed childhood experiences, so the main events should be expressed in the past tense. Were presented and encouraged consistently describe events that happened in the past.

× Definitely I think that children and in general people also should try as many different things as they can because they never know what they are best in and when they will try, they will get to know what other hidden talents they have.

✓ Definitely, I think that children and people in general should try as many different things as they can because they never know what they are best at. When they try different activities, they will discover what hidden talents they have.

The standard expression is be good at or be best at, not be best in, when referring to abilities or activities. Use best at before an activity or skill.

× Definitely I think that children and in general people also should try as many different things as they can because they never know what they are best in and when they will try, they will get to know what other hidden talents they have.

✓ Definitely, I think that children and people in general should try as many different things as they can because they never know what they are best at. When they try different activities, they will discover what hidden talents they have.

After the time conjunction when, English normally uses the present simple to refer to a future situation, not will. Therefore, use when they try, followed by the future result they will discover.