机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 첫 문장에서 질문에 직접 답한 점은 좋습니다. 하지만 ‘In Korea curriculum’은 ‘In the Korean school curriculum’ 또는 ‘At my school in Korea’로 고쳐야 하며, ‘floorboard’와 ‘put for’는 스포츠 종목명으로 부정확합니다. 아마 ‘floorball’과 ‘putt-putt’ 또는 다른 종목을 의미한 것 같으므로 정확한 단어를 사용하세요. 또한 ‘many sports activities’를 반복하기보다 구체적인 경험이나 이유를 한 문장 추가하고, ‘especially I enjoyed’는 ‘I especially enjoyed’로 어순을 수정하세요.

示例: Yes, I did. At my school in Korea, we could try various sports, such as basketball, floorball, and table tennis. I especially enjoyed basketball because I liked playing competitively with my classmates.

建议: 의견을 제시하려는 점은 좋지만 문장 구조와 동사 형태를 전반적으로 수정해야 합니다. ‘Yes, because when people try different things, they can discover their interests and talents’처럼 주어와 동사를 정확히 연결하세요. ‘I taken plans’는 문맥상 ‘I took up plants or gardening as a hobby’가 자연스럽고, ‘that even experience eventually becoming’은 ‘That experience eventually led me to become a landscaper’로 표현할 수 있습니다. 이유와 개인적인 예시를 연결어 ‘For example’이나 ‘As a result’를 사용해 두세 문장으로 명확하게 구성하세요.

示例: Yes, I think people should try different things because they may discover hidden interests or talents. For example, I took up gardening as a hobby when I was young. As a result, I became interested in plants and eventually decided to become a landscaper.

× In Korea curriculum they offered many sports activities such as basketball, floorboard or put for.

✓ In the Korea curriculum, they offered many sports activities such as basketball, floorboard or put for.

The singular countable noun curriculum needs a definite article when referring to a specific curriculum. Use the before Korea curriculum. Note that floorboard and put for appear to be vocabulary or transcription issues, so they were not changed.

× In Korea curriculum they offered many sports activities such as basketball, floorboard or put for.

✓ In the Korean curriculum they offered many sports activities such as basketball, floorboard or put for.

Korea is a noun, but Korean is the adjective needed to describe the curriculum. Use an adjective before a noun when describing its origin or connection.

× So I tried many sports activities, especially I enjoyed basketball.

✓ So I tried many sports activities, and I especially enjoyed basketball.

The original sentence joins two independent clauses with only a comma. Use and to connect the clauses correctly. This also makes the relationship between the two ideas clearer.

× So I tried many sports activities, especially I enjoyed basketball.

✓ So I tried many sports activities, and I especially enjoyed basketball.

The adverb especially should normally be placed before the main verb enjoyed when it emphasizes the action. The natural word order is I especially enjoyed basketball.

× Yes because many when people trying different things they can discover their interests or talents so when I was young I taken plans as a hobby and that even experience eventually becoming a landscaper.

✓ Yes, because when people try different things, they can discover their interests or talents. When I was young, I took plants as a hobby, and that experience eventually helped me become a landscaper.

The original sentence contains too many ideas joined without clear clause boundaries. Separate the ideas into two sentences and use conjunctions and punctuation to make the structure clear.

× when people trying different things they can discover their interests or talents

✓ When people try different things, they can discover their interests or talents.

This sentence expresses a general fact, so use the simple present tense. After the subject people, use try, not trying.

× when I was young I taken plans as a hobby

✓ When I was young, I took plants as a hobby.

The phrase when I was young refers to a completed period in the past, so the simple past tense is required. The past-tense form of take is took, not taken. Taken is a past participle and normally needs an auxiliary verb such as have or had.

× and that even experience eventually becoming a landscaper

✓ and that experience eventually helped me become a landscaper

The original phrase does not contain a correctly formed finite verb for the subject that experience. Use helped as the main verb. After helped, use the base form become.