机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Answer the question directly, but avoid unnecessary repetition such as “activity” and “explore this activity.” Use the correct term “henna application” instead of “Hana Applying,” and say “during my school years” rather than “during school years.” The phrase “one of them to name a few” is grammatically incorrect; use “One example was...” Also, keep the verb tense consistent: use “I would love to apply” only if this is still a future ambition, or “I loved applying” if you are describing the childhood experience. Add one specific detail about where or how you took part in the activity.

示例: Yes, I had several opportunities to try new activities during my school years. For example, I took part in a henna-application workshop, where I learned to create simple designs on people’s hands. I really enjoyed it because I had always been interested in art and wanted to develop my creativity.

建议: Give a clear opinion and support it with one or two logical reasons. “Try infinite activities” is unnatural and unrealistic; say “try a wide range of activities” instead. The sentence beginning “only if” is awkward and difficult to follow, so divide it into shorter sentences and use linking words such as “because” and “as a result.” Replace “where I wanted to do racing art” with a precise expression, such as “a workshop on racing art,” if that is the intended meaning. Explain what you learned or gained from the workshop to make the example more specific.

示例: Yes, I think people should try a wide range of activities, especially when they are young. This is because experimenting with different things helps them discover their interests and strengths. For example, I recently attended a workshop on racing art, and I found it surprisingly enjoyable. As a result, I became more confident about trying unfamiliar creative activities.

× One of them to name a few was the Hana Applying activity.

✓ To name one, it was the Hana Applying activity.

The original sentence has an awkward structure, and to name a few conflicts with one of them. Use to name one when referring to a single example, and place the introductory phrase at the beginning of the sentence.

× I was overjoyed when I came across this activity because I always wanted to explore this activity and would love to apply designs on people's hands.

✓ I was overjoyed when I came across this activity because I had always wanted to explore it and apply designs to people's hands.

The answer describes a desire that existed before the past event came across, so the past perfect had always wanted is more appropriate. The phrase would love shifts to a conditional or present viewpoint, so it should be changed to apply to maintain the past-time context.

× I was overjoyed when I came across this activity because I always wanted to explore this activity and would love to apply designs on people's hands.

✓ I was overjoyed when I came across this activity because I had always wanted to explore it and apply designs to people's hands.

The correct preposition after apply designs is to, not on. We apply designs to a surface or a person's hands.

× I believe that people should try infinite activities because one doesn't know what they are capable of and only if a person tries and looks into it then they'll be able to see where their creativity and expertise lands in.

✓ I believe that people should try as many different activities as possible because they do not know what they are capable of, and only by trying different things can they discover where their creativity and expertise lie.

Infinite activities means an unlimited number of activities, which is not the intended meaning. Use as many different activities as possible to express the idea of trying a wide variety of activities.

× I believe that people should try infinite activities because one doesn't know what they are capable of and only if a person tries and looks into it then they'll be able to see where their creativity and expertise lands in.

✓ I believe that people should try as many different activities as possible because they do not know what they are capable of, and only by trying different things can they discover where their creativity and expertise lie.

The original sentence shifts between the pronouns one, they, a person, and they will. Keep the subject and pronouns consistent. Here, people is consistently referred to with they.

× I believe that people should try infinite activities because one doesn't know what they are capable of and only if a person tries and looks into it then they'll be able to see where their creativity and expertise lands in.

✓ I believe that people should try as many different activities as possible because they do not know what they are capable of, and only by trying different things can they discover where their creativity and expertise lie.

The original sentence incorrectly combines only if with then and contains several loosely connected clauses. Only by trying different things can they discover creates a clear and grammatically correct sentence structure.

× I believe that people should try infinite activities because one doesn't know what they are capable of and only if a person tries and looks into it then they'll be able to see where their creativity and expertise lands in.

✓ I believe that people should try as many different activities as possible because they do not know what they are capable of, and only by trying different things can they discover where their creativity and expertise lie.

Creativity and expertise form a plural subject, so the verb must be lie rather than lands. The verb lie means exist or be situated in a particular condition or area.