机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (use articles and verb forms), avoid redundancy, and keep to 3–4 sentences. Add one specific detail and use linking words to show result.

示例: Yes, I had a few opportunities to try new activities as a child. For example, at nursery I performed a dance in front of a small panel of judges, which was exciting but a little nerve‑wracking. As a result, the experience boosted my confidence and made me more willing to try other things.

建议: Give a clear direct opinion, avoid awkward phrasing and gendered language, use linking words and a concrete reason or short example. Keep sentences shorter and check grammar (modal verbs, articles, and plural/singular agreement).

示例: Yes, I believe people should try many different things. Trying new activities broadens skills and makes you more adaptable; for instance, learning public speaking improved my communication and helped me at school and work.

× Yes, I had few opportunities to try new activities when I was a child for instance.

✓ Yes, I had a few opportunities to try new activities when I was a child, for instance.

Using 'few' without an article implies almost none; 'a few' indicates some opportunities. Add a comma before 'for instance' for clarity.

× At the nursery I performed the dance performance in front of a small panel of judges which was both exciting and a little nerve cracking.

✓ At the nursery I performed a dance in front of a small panel of judges, which was both exciting and a little nerve-wracking.

Use a noun phrase 'performed a dance' instead of 'performed the dance performance' to avoid redundancy. 'Nerve cracking' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'nerve-wracking' (a present participle adjective). Add a comma before the relative clause for punctuation.

× I remember it was because boosted my confidence.

✓ I remember it boosted my confidence.

The original sentence has unnecessary 'it was because' causing ungrammatical structure. Removing 'it was because' yields correct past-tense clause 'it boosted my confidence.'

× Yes, I think people should try different things as they can to do in their life because knowing something different or some individual things can enhance his activities, performance, efficiency in every work he could ever do in his life.

✓ Yes, I think people should try different things as much as they can in their lives because learning new things can enhance their skills, performance, and efficiency in any work they do.

Several issues: 'as they can to do in their life' is ungrammatical; use 'as much as they can in their lives.' Use plural possessive 'their' instead of singular 'his' to match 'people.' 'Knowing something different or some individual things' is awkward; use 'learning new things.' Replace 'in every work he could ever do in his life' with 'in any work they do' for natural phrasing and correct tense/number agreement.