机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer mentions activities but has grammatical errors, repetition, and unclear meaning. Keep responses concise (max 5 sentences). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., "I took golf lessons" not "I had a golf lesson") and avoid repetition. Clarify the memorable aspect: explain why it was memorable and how it affected you or relationships.

示例: I took golf lessons and piano lessons with a private tutor when I was a child. These lessons are memorable because practicing together with other students helped me become more confident and made me closer to my classmates. For example, during piano recitals we supported each other, which built lasting friendships.

建议: Your answer gives a clear opinion but is repetitive and vague. Begin with a direct topic sentence stating your view, then support it with a specific reason and a brief example. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., "team sports" instead of "athletics"). Keep sentences grammatically correct and concise.

示例: Yes, I think people should try different activities because it helps them learn new skills and meet others. For example, joining a local football team taught me teamwork and let me make friends from different backgrounds.

× When I was a young child I had a golf lesson and learned a playing piano with a private tutor.

✓ When I was a young child I had a golf lesson and learned to play the piano with a private tutor.

The phrase 'learned a playing piano' is incorrect. After 'learned' we use the infinitive 'to play' or the gerund without an article (e.g., 'learned playing piano' is uncommon). Also 'the piano' requires the definite article. Use 'learned to play the piano' for natural English.

× It was memorable scene as I remember now because I I had a long way how we can make more close to each other.

✓ It is a memorable scene when I remember it now because we had a long way to get closer to each other.

The original has multiple issues: tense and phrasing. 'It was memorable scene' needs an article and present-tense comment uses 'is' or rephrase. Duplicate 'I' is an error. 'I had a long way how we can make more close to each other' is ungrammatical; use 'we had a long way to get closer to each other' or 'it took us a long time to become closer.' The correction fixes article usage, removes duplication, uses appropriate tense and idiomatic infinitive 'to get closer'.

× Yes, when we do more activities in our society, we can make we can get close to each other with other people.

✓ Yes, when we do more activities in our community, we can get closer to other people.

Redundant phrase 'we can make we can get' is incorrect. 'Society' is better replaced by 'community' in this context. Use 'get closer to other people' (adjective 'closer') and remove redundancy. The sentence stays in present tense and is now concise and grammatical.

× For instance, it is one of the best ways maybe playing with other people athletics.

✓ For instance, playing sports with other people may be one of the best ways.

Word order and word choice are incorrect: 'maybe' should come before the verb or be integrated as 'may be.' 'Playing with other people athletics' is ungrammatical; use 'playing sports with other people' or 'playing athletics' (less common). The correction places 'playing sports' at the start and uses 'may be' for modality, producing a natural sentence.