机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, correct grammar, and provide specific supporting details. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two concrete examples (when and what activities), and use linking words for coherence. Avoid repetition and fix verb agreement and articles.

示例: Not really. As a child, adults usually thought I was too young to join many activities, so I missed out on things like the school debate club and the community youth soccer team. As a result, I focused on quieter hobbies such as reading and drawing, but I later regretted not trying team sports earlier.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence, then support it with specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (for example, therefore, however) and avoid vague phrases. Improve grammar and choose more natural expressions.

示例: Yes, I think people should try many different things because it helps them discover new interests and skills. For example, trying a new language course or a sport can reveal a talent you didn't know you had; therefore, experimenting with activities can lead to greater satisfaction and personal growth.

× I'm going to say not really because when you are a child, people does not see you as like an adult as a person who can understand or a person who who is able to be in that activity.

✓ I'm going to say not really because when you are a child, people do not see you as an adult or as a person who can understand or who is able to take part in that activity.

The original sentence has several pronoun and verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing. 'People does not' is incorrect because 'people' is plural and requires 'do not' (subject-verb agreement; see ID 27 as related but the primary issue is pronoun/verb use so categorized under Incorrect use of pronouns). The phrase 'see you as like an adult as a person' is redundant and ungrammatical; replace with 'see you as an adult or as a person' to clarify. The duplicate 'who who' is a typographical error; reduce to a single 'who'. 'Be in that activity' is unnatural; use 'take part in that activity' for correct collocation. Suggestion: simplify and ensure plural verbs match plural subjects and remove redundant words.

× So that's why I could not be a part in that activity.

✓ So that's why I could not take part in that activity.

The phrase 'be a part in' is not the correct collocation in English. 'Take part in' or 'be part of' are the usual expressions. Because the sentence is talking about a past inability, 'could not take part in' is the appropriate past-tense/modal construction. Suggestion: use 'could not take part in' for natural past reference and correct verb collocation.

× In my opinion, I say sure because the life is to live once.

✓ In my opinion, I would say sure because life is lived once.

'The life' is incorrect here; when speaking generally about life, no article is used ('life'). Also the phrase 'is to live once' is ungrammatical and awkward. A natural expression is 'life is lived once' or the idiom 'you only live once.' The modal/style 'I would say' is more natural than 'I say' in this context. Suggestion: remove the definite article before 'life' and use a natural expression for the idea of a single lifetime.

× We are going to live this life once and we have to do whatever makes us happy, whatever makes us feel grateful for this life.

✓ We only live this life once, and we have to do whatever makes us happy and whatever makes us feel grateful for life.

The original 'We are going to live this life once' is awkward for expressing the general truth; present simple ('We only live this life once') is more appropriate. Also the repeated 'whatever makes us' is acceptable but better linked with 'and' to improve flow. 'For this life' is wordy; 'for life' or omitting it is more natural. Suggestion: use present simple for general statements and streamline repeated phrases for clarity.