机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Correct grammar (past tense) and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid redundancy and finish the thought. For example, say when and what activities you joined, why you chose them, and one brief outcome or feeling.

示例: I didn’t take part in many school activities when I was young because I was shy. However, in high school I joined the art and craft club and the photography group because I enjoyed creative hobbies. As a result, I improved my drawing skills and made new friends, which made me more confident.

建议: Give a clear opinion then support it with 2 specific reasons using linking words. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'experience', 'learn', 'broaden horizons') and avoid vague phrases like 'and stuff'. Keep it to 3–4 sentences and include a short example or result.

示例: Yes, people should try different things because new experiences help them learn and grow. For example, traveling or taking a cooking class can teach practical skills and broaden one’s understanding of other cultures. Consequently, trying new activities often increases confidence and creativity.

× As a child, I am very introduced person so I do not participate that much in school activities, but as I grow older and in high school I do participate in few activities which I have interest. For example, if I say art and craft, these are the part which are very important and

✓ As a child, I was a very introverted person, so I did not participate much in school activities, but as I grew older and reached high school I participated in a few activities that I was interested in. For example, art and craft were parts that I found very important.

The original uses present tense ('am', 'do not participate') while referring to past childhood; change to past tense ('was', 'did not participate', 'grew', 'participated') for consistent time reference. 'Introverted' replaces incorrect 'introduced'. 'In few' corrected to 'a few'. Use 'that' for defining relative clause and plural agreement ('art and craft were parts'). Also remove incomplete sentence ending. Suggestions: keep verb tenses consistent when describing past events, use appropriate vocabulary (introverted), and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× I agree with this statement because I think people should try new things every year every month I could say because as a person I love to enjoy new things, participate in new things, know about new culture and stuff.

✓ I agree with this statement because I think people should try new things regularly; as a person, I enjoy experiencing new activities, learning about new cultures, and so on.

The original mixes phrases awkwardly and repeats time expressions ('every year every month I could say'). Use 'regularly' to convey frequency. Change 'love to enjoy' to 'enjoy' and 'participate in new things' to 'experiencing new activities' for natural wording. 'Know about new culture' corrected to 'learning about new cultures' and 'stuff' replaced with 'and so on' or omitted. Ensure parallel structure in the list of verbs (enjoy experiencing, learning).