机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did), then give one or two specific examples with simple linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like "took special expertise" and incomplete endings. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use specific vocabulary (e.g. "beaches", "streams", "hiking").

示例: Yes, I did. My family often tried new outdoor activities when I was a child; for example, my father took us hiking by small streams and to nearby beaches. These trips helped me learn about nature and made me more adventurous.

建议: Make your opinion concise and give clear reasons with linking words. Begin with a direct statement (Yes, I think so), then add one or two specific reasons or an example. Avoid vague phrases like "advanced points" and unclear conclusions such as "make it more competition." Use simple cohesive devices: "because", "for example", "as a result".

示例: Yes, I think people should try many different things, because this helps them discover their interests and develop new skills. For example, learning a new language or a hobby can open up job opportunities and increase confidence.

× When I was a young child I took special expertise with my family, especially I remember now.

✓ When I was a young child I gained special experience with my family; I especially remember that now.

The original uses 'took special expertise' which is not natural English. 'Expertise' is a noun meaning specialized skill and normally 'gain' or 'develop' is used. Also word order and connectors were awkward. Use 'gained special experience' or 'developed particular skills' and add a clearer connector ('I especially remember that now') to improve clarity. Suggestion: use verbs like 'gained', 'developed' or 'learned' with 'experience' or 'skills' and add a clear connector.

× My father took the beautiful natural places such as small streaming stream sea and even

✓ My father took us to beautiful natural places such as small streams, the sea, and so on.

The sentence lacks correct objects and prepositions. 'Took the beautiful natural places' is incorrect; we 'take someone to' a place. 'Streaming stream sea' is ungrammatical; likely intended 'small streams' and 'the sea'. Add 'us' as the object and appropriate articles and commas. Suggestion: use 'took us to beautiful natural places such as small streams and the sea.'

× Yes, as we can, we need to try something for our whole life because in our life there are just a few chances to get advanced points to improve our life situation.

✓ Yes, as much as we can, we should try new things throughout our lives, because there are only a few opportunities to gain advantages that improve our situation.

Problems: 'as we can' should be 'as much as we can' for idiomatic comparison. 'We need to try something for our whole life' is awkward; use modal 'should' for advice and 'try new things throughout our lives' for clarity. 'Advanced points' is unclear; replace with 'advantages' or 'benefits'. 'In our life there are just a few chances' -> 'there are only a few opportunities' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'should' for recommendations and clearer nouns like 'opportunities' and 'advantages.'

× So we every day think about how we can make it more competition.

✓ So every day we think about how we can make life more competitive or how we can be more competitive.

Word order is incorrect: 'So we every day think' should be 'So every day we think'. 'Make it more competition' is ungrammatical; 'competition' is a noun meaning 'rivalry' and cannot be modified by 'more' in that structure. Use adjective form 'more competitive' or rephrase to 'make life more competitive' or 'be more competitive.' Suggestion: fix adverb placement and use correct adjective forms.