机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific examples with linking words. Avoid repetition and finish within 2–4 sentences. Also correct tense and subject-verb agreement (e.g., “my parents always encouraged me”).

示例: Yes. I had many opportunities at school because my parents and teachers encouraged me to try new activities. For example, I joined the debate club and the school orchestra, which helped me improve my communication and teamwork skills. Because of these experiences, I became more confident trying unfamiliar tasks.

建议: Avoid repeating the same idea and use clearer linking words. Give a concise opinion sentence, then one reason and a specific example or consequence. Use natural phrases (e.g., “I agree” not “I totally agree that people have to”).

示例: Yes, I agree people should try as many things as possible because it helps them discover their strengths and interests. For instance, experimenting with different hobbies like painting or coding can reveal hidden talents and guide future study or career choices. Therefore, trying new activities is helpful for personal growth.

× Yes, I had many great opportunities in my school and my parents always have encouraged me to take part in every opportunity I could as they believe that it would really upskill my skills and I always.

✓ Yes, I had many great opportunities at my school, and my parents always encouraged me to take part in every opportunity I could because they believed it would really improve my skills.

The sentence mixes past simple and present perfect ('had' with 'have encouraged') and uses awkward phrasing ('upskill my skills' and trailing 'and I always'). Use consistent past tense for past events: 'had' and 'encouraged'. Replace 'upskill my skills' with 'improve my skills' for natural wording. Combine clauses with 'because' and remove redundant 'and I always'.

× Yes, I totally agree that people have to try many different things as they can.

✓ Yes, I totally agree that people should try as many different things as they can.

The phrase 'have to' implies obligation rather than recommendation; 'should' is more appropriate for advice. Also use the common structure 'as many ... as they can' rather than 'many ... as they can'.

× Because at this point you will know your skills like you will know what your interests are in at this coherence.

✓ Because at that point you will know your skills and you will know what your interests are.

The sentence uses awkward wording ('at this point' vs context, 'interests are in', 'at this coherence'). Simplify to 'at that point' and remove 'in' and 'at this coherence' to make a grammatically correct and coherent future-temporal statement.

× You will know what you like, what you do and what your interests are and what are they not.

✓ You will know what you like, what you enjoy doing, and what your interests are not.

The original has incorrect word order ('what are they not') and repeats ideas. Reorder to 'what your interests are not' and replace 'what you do' with 'what you enjoy doing' for clarity.

× And I totally agree to this, that they have to try with different things.

✓ And I totally agree with this: they have to try different things.

Use 'agree with' not 'agree to' when expressing agreement with an idea. Also 'try with different things' is incorrect; drop 'with' and use 'try different things'.