机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and structurally clear: start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details and a brief consequence. Use linking words to connect ideas and vary vocabulary (e.g., “try”, “pursue”, “afford”). Avoid repeating words like “playing” before each sport.

示例: Yes, I had several chances to try new sports as a child, including volleyball, football and tennis. However, because my family had limited money, I couldn’t pursue formal training for long, so I mostly played casually with friends.

建议: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., “however”, “moreover”). Be specific about what you mean by “capability” and “affordability” and avoid repeating “depends” and “totally depends”.

示例: I think people should try new things, but within reason. Trying different activities helps you discover interests and skills; however, practical limits such as time, physical ability and finances can mean you focus on a few options rather than everything.

× Yes, I had many opportunities to take part in new activities such as playing volleyball, playing football and tennis but due to my financial problems I never went far with my sports.

✓ Yes, I had many opportunities to take part in new activities such as playing volleyball, football, and tennis, but due to my financial problems I never got far with my sports.

The original sentence uses past tense overall, which is appropriate, but 'went far with my sports' is an unnatural collocation. Use 'got far' to mean 'advanced' or 'progressed' in sports. Also, listing items is clearer without repeating 'playing' before each sport and requires a comma before 'and' in a list (Oxford comma is optional but improves clarity). This keeps tense consistent and improves idiomaticity.

× I feel it depends on the person if you are interested you can try as many things as you can, but it also depends on capability and affordability.

✓ I feel it depends on the person: if you are interested, you can try as many things as you can, but it also depends on ability and affordability.

The sentence mixes general present-tense statements; use present simple consistently. 'Capability' is correct but 'ability' is more natural here. Add punctuation (colon and commas) to separate clauses and improve readability. The modal 'can' is appropriate for ability/possibility in present tense.

× So it totally depends on their financial status.

✓ So it totally depends on your financial situation.

The previous sentence addresses 'you' (second person), so 'their' (third person plural) creates a pronoun agreement/consistency problem. Use 'your' to maintain second-person perspective. Also 'financial situation' is a more natural collocation than 'financial status.'