机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 문장 구성이 약간 어색하고 몇몇 단어 선택이 부정확합니다. 먼저 topic sentence는 적절하지만, supporting details가 더 구체적이어야 합니다. 예를 들어 ‘Juberclub’가 무엇인지 간단히 설명하고, ‘running new skills’처럼 어색한 표현 대신 정확한 동사와 구체적 활동을 사용하세요. 또한 문장들을 연결할 때 접속사나 분사구문을 활용해 자연스럽게 이어가면 더 좋습니다. 길이는 3문장 내외로 유지해 불필요한 반복을 줄이세요.

示例: Yes. I joined a youth club called Juberclub when I was about ten. It was inspired by a TV show, so I learned new skills like teamwork and basic first aid, and I made several close friends there. Overall, it was a very positive experience because it boosted my confidence and taught me practical abilities.

建议: 의견 제시는 명확하지만 표현 몇 군데에서 어색함과 구체성 부족이 보입니다. 'broaden our horizon'는 단수/복수 표현을 확인하고, ‘running a language’는 잘못된 표현이므로 'learning a language'로 고치세요. 또한 이유를 한두 가지 더 구체적으로 설명하고 연결어(for example, moreover, because)를 사용해 논리를 강화하세요. 답변은 2~3문장으로 간결하게 유지하세요.

示例: Yes, I think people should try a variety of new activities because new experiences broaden our horizons and promote personal growth. For instance, learning a language improves communication skills, while taking up cooking teaches patience and practical techniques. Overall, trying different things helps you discover new interests and develop useful abilities.

× When I was a child I had a chance to join a Juberclub because watching it on TV seemed so exciting and impressive I wanted to try the activities myself and I remember running new skills and making friends there.

✓ When I was a child I had the chance to join a Juberclub because watching it on TV seemed so exciting and impressive, so I wanted to try the activities myself, and I remember learning new skills and making friends there.

The sentence has several issues: incorrect verb 'running' should be 'learning' (verb choice/past participle use), missing article 'the' before 'chance', and run-on sentence lacking appropriate connectors/commas (sentence structure). Use 'the chance' for a specific opportunity, replace 'running new skills' with 'learning new skills', and add commas and 'so' to connect clauses for clarity. Suggestions: add 'the' before 'chance', use 'learning' for acquiring skills, and break or connect clauses with commas and conjunctions.

× I believe that people should try new things because new experiences broaden our horizon and help us grow personally.

✓ I believe that people should try new things because new experiences broaden our horizons and help us grow personally.

The noun 'horizon' is usually used in the plural form when referring to a person's range of experience, so 'horizons' is correct (singular/plural issue). Keep plural to match the idiomatic expression 'broaden our horizons'. Suggestion: use 'horizons' in similar contexts.

× For example, taking a new hobby like cooking or running a language can teach practical skills.

✓ For example, taking up a new hobby like cooking or learning a new language can teach practical skills.

The phrase 'running a language' is incorrect; the proper expression is 'learning a language'. Also 'taking up a new hobby' is the idiomatic verb for starting hobbies. This is a word choice and phrase structure error. Suggestion: use 'taking up' for hobbies and 'learning' for languages.