机会— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be clearer and more natural. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did.), name the activity specifically, give one or two concise supporting details using linking words, and correct grammar (tense and subject references). Avoid vague phrases like "bad mention activity" and redundant words. Aim for 2–4 sentences, using past tense consistently when talking about childhood.

示例: Yes, I did. When I was a child I joined a school drama club after a friend invited me. At first I found memorizing lines difficult, but as I practiced with my classmates I became more confident and really enjoyed performing.

建议: Make your opinion clear at the start and support it with a reason and one brief example. Use linking words (because, however, for example) and avoid repetition. Keep sentences complete and finish your thought. Use vocabulary appropriate to the context (e.g., "risk concerns" instead of "risk restriction").

示例: I think people should try new things, but it depends on their situation. For example, if someone has no serious health or financial risks, trying a variety of hobbies or jobs can help them discover their strengths and learn valuable skills.

× Yes, I did actually before he asked me to do bad mention activity so I agreed and played it with my friends.

✓ Yes, I did. Actually, before he asked me to do that poorly explained activity, I agreed and played it with my friends.

The original sentence has past-tense actions but lacks clear punctuation and contains an unclear phrase 'bad mention activity.' I corrected tense consistency by keeping past tense verbs ('asked', 'agreed', 'played') and improved clarity by replacing the unclear phrase with 'that poorly explained activity.' Also I added punctuation to separate ideas. Suggestion: use clear nouns and keep verbs in the same past tense sequence; break long ideas into shorter clauses.

× At first it was difficult but as we go along it was very fun.

✓ At first it was difficult, but as we went along it became very fun.

The sentence mixes past ('was') with present ('go'). Use past tense throughout to describe a past experience. I changed 'go' to 'went' and 'was' to 'became' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: maintain consistent tense for events in the past and use 'became' or 'was' with past participle where appropriate.

× I cannot say all people can try different things, but to some people, yes, if they have no risk restriction, trying new different different or new things in life is really worthwhile and you will experience new

✓ I cannot say that everyone can try different things, but for some people, yes: if they have no risk restrictions, trying new things in life is really worthwhile and you will gain new experiences.

Problems include incorrect phrase 'all people can', repetitive words 'different different', wrong preposition 'to some people', and missing plural/sentence ending. I replaced 'all people' with 'everyone' and 'to some people' with 'for some people', corrected 'risk restriction' to plural 'risk restrictions', removed duplicate 'different', and completed the final clause to 'you will gain new experiences.' Suggestion: avoid repetition, use correct prepositions ('for' someone), and ensure sentences are complete; 'can' as modal is fine but needs a clear subject and object.